Passed up again. Don't know why I didn't expect that.

a reply to: LittleByLittle



I would certainly like to find someone like that. Just haven't had any luck yet.

a reply to: kosmicjack

I don't think this guy is high school age though.

Not to say that chicks don't do that sort of thing in high school but it'd be pretty ill advice for him to put up with that sort of behavior from a grown woman. Second chances are nice and all but that sort of game playing in a grown woman leaves something to be desired.

These days if I was with a woman that was on the prowl looking for something better I'd be hard pressed to stay in that situation.

At 17 though, forget about it.

a reply to: Expat888

I get you there. I wasn't looking when I met this last girl and I think that's why it hit me so hard, that and the fact that I get attached way too fast most of the time.

a reply to: OrphanApology

Yeah, 10 years ago (when i was 17) I would have happily waited for her to see the error in her ways, but I'm pushing 30 now and I'm too damn old for those childish games, also tired of playing them.

originally posted by: dave_welch
I know I shouldn't have expected much, seeing as we live over 700 miles from eachother, but it still pisses me off.

If I do what feels natural, which is what most people consider clingy, then I push them away. If I try to give them a little space and not be so overbearing then they lose interest even faster. What gives? I don't understand it. Why is it that if I treat a girl like she should be treated then you're "not masculine enough" but if I take everyone's advice and not show so much interest then she still finds a guy that she likes more.

Seriously, I'm at my wit's end. Anybody have a clue what my problem is?

700 miles?!?!? Ya, that's not going to work man. It's literally almost impossible to be with someone if you can't be with them. 700 miles is one hell of a commute. Just being there is one hell of an advantage so don't take it too hard.

You're someone who is looking for a serious relationship and something to put time into. That's clear. I don't really advise that you change who you are too much since the person you're looking for has to be someone who likes you for you, not you acting like someone who isn't you. You'll never be able to keep up an act forever and would you really want to??

Be yourself, be confident in who you are but not cocky. That is most important. Never be desperate or whiny about your relationship issues either, nobody likes that and no woman will find that attractive.

I personally never believed in the whole "act like you don't like them" BS. Unless it's natural for you, it won't come across right and besides that it's all about game playing. You're not here to play games and I doubt you want a woman who is either, so ditch that idea.

She wants you to be interested in her, just don't fall all over yourself doing it. She has to respect you for your interest in her to mean something. If she can crap all over you and you'll still be there begging for more, there is nothing there for her to respect.

Make her feel good and secure in who she is too. Enjoy her for being her and be proud of who you are too.

I think who you are when you're the clingy guy is close, you just have to lose the desperate, clingy part of it but keep the "i'm really interested in you part" if that makes sense. But lose the stand offish thing because it's not natural for you, it won't work for you and if it's the chick you actually will go good with, she'll be in to you too and she won't like it if you're pushing her away trying to act macho.

originally posted by: BasementWarriorKryptonite
Whatever you do, don't go on a sexually frustrated shooting rampage.

Oh my god, I laughed so hard at this. ^

Anyway dave_welch, you just gotta learn to "play the game", so to say. If it matters to you enough, maybe you could benefit by studying psychology and learning how to read people and know what they're thinking or feeling (if you don't have a good grasp on that already, some people just don't). I'm not saying that you should act like something you're not... Be yourself, but do it in a way that makes people want you.

originally posted by: trollz

originally posted by: BasementWarriorKryptonite
Whatever you do, don't go on a sexually frustrated shooting rampage.

Oh my god, I laughed so hard at this. ^

Anyway dave_welch, you just gotta learn to "play the game", so to say. If it matters to you enough, maybe you could benefit by studying psychology and learning how to read people and know what they're thinking or feeling (if you don't have a good grasp on that already, some people just don't). I'm not saying that you should act like something you're not... Be yourself, but do it in a way that makes people want you.

That seems a bit extreme. How can you say that and be yourself in the same paragraph? That is fake and controlling as well as one of the childish type of games he said he wasn't in to. Be yourself not a representative of yourself. They'll always find out.

a reply to: mOjOm

That seems like really good and well thought out advice. Thanks, really.

originally posted by: RealLife

originally posted by: trollz

originally posted by: BasementWarriorKryptonite
Whatever you do, don't go on a sexually frustrated shooting rampage.

Oh my god, I laughed so hard at this. ^

Anyway dave_welch, you just gotta learn to "play the game", so to say. If it matters to you enough, maybe you could benefit by studying psychology and learning how to read people and know what they're thinking or feeling (if you don't have a good grasp on that already, some people just don't). I'm not saying that you should act like something you're not... Be yourself, but do it in a way that makes people want you.

That seems a bit extreme. How can you say that and be yourself in the same paragraph? That is fake and controlling as well as one of the childish type of games he said he wasn't in to. Be yourself not a representative of yourself. They'll always find out.

No no, not at all. I think you misunderstood what I meant. Imagine you're on a date with someone, and as part of the conversation, you mention that you like the way your date's hair smells. Now... You could sit there staring at her with a blank face and tell her you like the smell of her hair with some crackly, nervous voice, or you could do it in a manner which seems confident and complimentary and, well, not creepy. I'm not saying anyone should manipulate anyone else, I'm just saying be aware of human psychology and what people like and do not like. Be aware of body language and how a person acts and behaves in accordance with various emotions and situations, and act appropriately by such. There are many different ways to do and say the same thing.

Understanding psychology and how to read people doesn't mean you're trying to control or manipulate them, it just means you have a slightly better grasp on interpersonal communication.

a reply to: trollz

I see. Yes, I did misunderstand. Sounded a lot like manipulation at first and no one deserves their head to be played with.

a reply to: trollz

Well, that's what has me all screwed up about this one. The time we spent together was, well if I'm honest, perfect. Me and her, alone, just talking. We really hit it off and spent the night together. Afterwards we texted pretty regularly and chatted online. then, about 2 weeks after, she just seemed to lose interest. She didn't seem to be all that interested anymore. That's when I made the other thread, I was trying everything I could to keep her interested. Then, the other day she said "I'm with (eyliner guy) tonight, so I won't be able to text much." I asked her who (eyeliner guy) was, because when I met him he only used his self-applied nickname, and she said "My new boyfriend, I thought I told you about that."

So, that's why I'm so pissed off, or depressed or whatever, because at first we really connected, more than I've ever connected with anybody, and I could feel that she felt the same way. She even said that she did, but I guess it wasn't as strong for her. It never seems to be.

double post

Ummm, I'm going to presume that's you in your avatar picture.

Drop the dating thing for six months, and get thee to a gym. Put on 15 lbs of muscle and loose 30 lbs of lumpy; it's really hard to be attracted to a guy who isn't masculine and masculine means some muscle. You'll also not only pick up some male pheromones in the process (muscle enhances them) but you'll gain a lot of self confidence. You'll hold yourself differently and people will notice, and you'll stop seeming so needy which is a definite turn-off.

a reply to: signalfire

I'd rather eat dirt than waste my time ruining my already ruined joints with a bunch of meatheads in a gym. If that's what you're into, good on you. But, I want a woman who wants me, not muscles. I have no time for shallow women like that. And I'm definitely not wasting 6 months to do it. If that's the kind of woman you're into then more power to you, it's definitely not the kind of woman I want.

Dave you probably could of hooked up with lots of females but not known it,I had very frustrating teenage years I was good old mr reliable who you could leave the bags with whilst dancing,women would open up to me with their deepest darkest secrets but could I get a relationship no,I felt like a parish priest then I discovered Alan Peases books on body language then once I knew what to look for and how to play the game I was outperforming more handsome and better groomed men than me.

Sometimes the biggest problem is just finding some available women also. Finding them when they are also available and looking is key as well. Other than locating them on the net which is actually possible nowadays, that pretty much means you have to go find them. When I was single and looking which was a while back, the internet thing was around but not really something that resulted in much. Too fringe and creepy back then for most. Which meant you had to go search them out.

If that interests you then you'll need to go to gatherings or functions of some kind where people are. Something you also enjoy is best since meeting someone there you'll have something in common you both enjoy doing. Anything from book clubs to car shows or whatever doesn't really matter. As long as it's somewhat social and there are women there.

Another good way to go is by using your friends to network for you. The people you know also know people you don't and sometimes they will know someone who you might hit it off with. This sometimes can have drawbacks however. Your friends have to really understand what you're looking for and have your interests in mind as well as the other person or you end up going on some dates that you'd rather not have had. Best method is if they think they know someone is to just pass a number to one of you so you can talk first or even meet for a coffee or something real quick to feel things out before too much effort goes into an obvious dead end.

a reply to: khnum

Oh, I know that. I used to be the same way. I've gotten a lot better at figuring out what a woman feels about me. I'm no stranger to that. Thank you for your advice though, even if I didn't need it maybe somebody else does.

a reply to: mOjOm

Yeah, tell me about it. It's even worse when you live in a small town with pretty much nothing to do besides our two bars. One's a trendy sports bar and the other's a biker bar, neither are really my scene. We used to have a good bar, but it closed down recently and now there's practically nothing.

I spend a lot of time on online dating sites, but most of the women there get so many messages a day that I can't even begin to compete, I just never know what to write in that first message, you know?

a reply to: khnum

That's actually very interesting advise. I don't know who that author is or anything but learning to understand body language and signals is very helpful.

Women don't usually just come right out and say how they feel about you. They are much more subtle and use non verbal ways to communicate, even unconsciously. Knowing how to read those signals is a big help.

That advise is so true. You've probably had women "signalling" you and never knew it. When that happens they don't realize that you aren't getting the signal and will instead assume you're not interested. This has happened to me so many times but I never new it until it was too late.

So that is another thing to look into if you think that might help. It will take some learning and dedication as well as practice but if you can pick it up that is a good talent to have. Not just for picking up women either, it can be applied to people in all kinds of situations.

a reply to: dave_welch

Yeah, that makes it tough man. If you're in a place where there isn't a whole lot of options there isn't much you can do. The internet makes it a little easier but it's just not quite the same. Even though it allows quick access to connect to anyone in the world it somehow balances out by making those connections less meaningful or something, it's weird.

Is there a town nearby that's a little bigger?? Something like an hour or two at the most??? Any more than that and the distance will make it really hard to get things off and running easily.