A pretty dark song I've been working on

This is the first time I've approached this topic. The setting of a song is of a guy that is standing in front of the mirror contemplating suicide. In the process, he turns his hand into the shape of a gun and sticks it to his head, pretending it's a real gun. The song is a conversation with him and his hostage (himself)

Handgun

**Lyrics**

I got a handgun to his head
Why don't you put that away, he says
There is a ransom, paid in lead
But wouldn't you want the finer things instead

I had it loaded to his face
A silver barrel down his gaze
The only ransom to be paid
The only way he can escape

Is with a pistol in the shape of my fingers
With my thumb pressing down on the trigger
This time I'm gonna fire
And I've got my hostage right in front of the mirror

I put a handgun to his dome
It doesn't matter when there's no one home
There's a ransom, and a note
A solitary number is all he's ever known

Is there anyone to save him?
I tried to dig for gold, but it's a cave in
No diamonds just dirt, it's love he's craving
Even prayed to God, but never an amen

This time I'm gonna fire x5

And I've got my hostage right in front of the mirror

Get rid of that noise that you have at the very beginning and throughout the song. Everything is fine but that noise is horrible. Seriously. Not only does it sound bad but it conflicts with the rest of the song. I'm listening to this with ATH-M50 headphones too.

Wow Alex! LOVE it!!!!!!!

originally posted by: trollz
Get rid of that noise that you have at the very beginning and throughout the song. Everything is fine but that noise is horrible. Seriously. Not only does it sound bad but it conflicts with the rest of the song. I'm listening to this with ATH-M50 headphones too.

I don't think it is bad, it just doesn't synchronize well with the notes on the keyboard. Otherwise it sounds great.

a reply to: trollz

I'm going to throw this out there. The topic of this song is about suicide, and the inner demons and the conflicts that it comes with.

That part is put in there for a purpose, and the clashing sound, the way it doesn't blend and is always sitting in the back like that is all there for a reason.

I take music as a form of art. Not everything is supposed to sound beautiful, depending what I'm trying to express.

That noise, in its entirety, is supposed to represent the demon that someone with depressing/suicide thoughts harbors. It's not always there, but the moment it shows up, it's like that noise. Apparent. Haunting. And something you want to go away.