Which is more twisted and demented?

A woman that tells her man of 7 yrs that she has met her soul mate on her new job, said she decided to stay in her current relationship rather than go forward with the new guy because of differences and bad timing while let him believe that for 6 months? She said it was all a lie because she was angry when it finally blew up in her face.
Or the man creating a phony social account to see if she is still running around behind his back?
I know these are both stupid things to do but I think hands down the woman telling her man she's sleeping around just to tick him off is many levels above spying that she condemns despite the similar acts in the past.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


A general rule of thumb can come into play here. It is short and sweet.

"Marriage results when two neurotics seek each other out."

If someone is going to openly admit that they met someone else and believe them to be their soulmate,then they have not been all into their current relationship for a long time,and likely never will be despite what they say. If something was missing enough before...it's still missing. If the current partner suspects,it should be out in the open. I don't approve of sneaky around spying,but I don't approve of lying either. If you cannot be open,and honest...you don't have a relationship. Therefore,you have nothing to lose by dropping her like a hot potato.

Seriously?
That women deserves everything she gets, and then some.
You tell your man you've cheated, and can't believe he may spy on you?

I seriously hope he got rid of her.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Well one things for sure. A hell of a lot of people live lies everyday. Cheating etc but they are happy to stay as they are in there regular relationships because they are comfortable. I guess they want there cake and eat it to. But i can guarantee they will never ever be truly happy. If you get to the stage where you feel you have to spy on someone then there's seriously something wrong. Just end it and move on

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


I don't which is more "twisted and demented" but I do know they are both equally naive(don't want to say stupid)

They are both holding on to a relationship which is clearly doomed to fail.

In her point of view: The minute there is a possibility of finding your "soul mate" that's not the person she's with, she should end it.

In his point of view: The minute he either Learns of that possibility OR the minute he feels he has to spy on her, he should end it.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


It is not a case of better or worse here.

Woman should have known better than to do the dirty on her man. She should have just ended the relationship, moved the hell out, and then started something new if she thought herself worthy of it.

The man in this scenario, simply should know better than to give a damn about a woman of that sort enough to bother spying on her at all, kicked her out, and forgotten her entire existence, but remembered his enjoyment of bottled beer, cigar smoke, and swearing at the TV at volume without feeling self conscious!

The woman has issues for telling a sick lie like that.
The man has issues for keeping her around and not getting the heck out.

Side note - nothing wrong with setting up a fake account to test the waters.
It sounds smart to me.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


The most demented thing was voluntarily entering into a social contract and allowing the state to be the adjudicator.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Why are you acting like the story is not auto/biographic?


www.abovetopsecret.com...


What she did was wrong and you spying on her is the logical result. I would question the point of continuing the relationship if I were you.

If an artist can shake your faith then your faith was not very strong.
If a woman/man can shake your marriage then your marriage was not very strong.
Only one person in a relationship needs to fail to ruin the relationship.
And both suck equally by the way.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069

If that happened to me it would be ,'dont let your ass hit the door on the way out',if they play up once they will again,cut your losses

she is selfish and narcissistic and he is gullible.

She probably did meet a man at her work, flirted, had her fun, but he most likely did not feel the same in return which made her feel like an idiot. Clearly she has begun to look elsewhere for a mate but does not want to be alone in between. It is just a guess maybe it really was a ruse but I doubt it.


Most people have spied on their significant other. Really when it comes down to it,
when you feel the need to spy, the relationship is already too far gone to be saved.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


I had that happen to me. But, the other knew, and I knew...if it were a different time and place...we were meant for each other.(with a THIRTY FIVE year age difference as well...I know, I know, but my wife of 27 years now is 10 years younger than me).

But, it wasnt meant to be. We were close to acting on it, but didnt, because it wasnt the right time in the stars and we were each already spoken for. But Im glad I didnt.

I never acted on it and love my wife more each day. Some things are just not supposed to be, you know? She shouldve just kept it to herself and save you the hurt.

And the guy? Well...he's an idiot.

Hillbilly123069
A woman that tells her man of 7 yrs that she has met her soul mate on her new job, said she decided to stay in her current relationship rather than go forward with the new guy because of differences and bad timing while let him believe that for 6 months? She said it was all a lie because she was angry when it finally blew up in her face.
Or the man creating a phony social account to see if she is still running around behind his back?
I know these are both stupid things to do but I think hands down the woman telling her man she's sleeping around just to tick him off is many levels above spying that she condemns despite the similar acts in the past.

Let me get this straight.

1) She told you she was sleeping around but then changed her mind and decided to stay with you instead of running off with the other guy?

Please enlighten me... How is that decision, at such point, up to her? How is it not YOUR decision whether or not you want to keep her after such a revelation?

2) Then, after crushing your soul... she tells you she lied because she wanted you to be jealous?

Please, some further enlightenment here.... why should you give a # at that point what she does? I mean, really, is it story one or two, one of them is true, and both are very very bad... neither would I personally stay with... but I'm a woman so I guess that one is up to you...

but seriously... why on earth would you want to be with someone who acts like either story one or story two?

3) Once more... lets figure this out... So! THEN you begin to haunt Facebook to see if she is flirting on Facebook with anyone... and she COMPLAINS?

Tell me why she isn't flat on her rear in the parking lot by now?




Everyone has an opinion... that is mine....

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


I think if she is acting in ways to make him check on her she is at fault.

There is nothing wrong with checking if you have genuine concerns (I think you have every right to be suspicious). I don't think you are paranoid. I think she is using you to be honest. If that were me I would end the relationship before she drives you beserk. Even if you have to live with her I think you should end the romantic side of the relationship and be open to finding a woman that really loves you some time in the future.

I think your girlfriend is using you for convenience.

I'm sorry if I came across harsh.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


With a handle like "Hillbilly123069", I have to ask myself a question after reading this - what kinda hillbilly ARE you?

Now, granted I don't know all of the particulars of the situation, but I can't think of anything presented that would make me say "sure honey, that IS your decision, isn't it?" I'm the kind of hillbilly that is more likely to say "I think I'm gonna have to modify that decision for you...", and her "decision" would be dependent on whether or not she could make her legs move fast enough to keep up with me leaving if she intended to "stay with me".

Personally, although I'm an old man now, I seriously doubt she could run fast enough to keep up. People like her need pets if they want to lead something around on a leash.

Take off, and take your paycheck with you. Leave her the bills - you don't need 'em any more. She's got a new feller or two to keep up her bills, right? Don't need YOUR paycheck any more! Use it to buy cigars and beer to celebrate being rid of her.

Now, the spying part REALLY has me bumfuzzled. I mean, the woman done TOLD you she can't be trusted, why in the hell spy on her to see... if she can be trusted? Hasn't that already been established out of her own mouth? Either way - whether she "did the deed", or whether she lied about it to try and make you jealous, SHE CAN'T BE TRUSTED. Can't be trusted to either keep her knees together when she's out and about, or can't be trusted to tell you the truth.

Seriously, bro - life is too short to invest in shenanigans like that. pack yer stuff, toss it in the trunk, and tell her you're going out to get a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk... and never go back. She doesn't deserve any better.

reply to post by nenothtu


I would agree with you entirely but I think there is a child involved that would be left with a very dysfunctional Mother. I would be afraid to leave for the childs sake. It's a tricky one.

reply to post by Tsu322


That's what I had in mind when I said that "I don't know all the particulars of the case".

On the other hand, courts ARE getting better these days about awarding custody to a stable father over an unstable mother, and in this case it seems on the surface that issues of stability versus instability could be established... well, it seemed so, right up to the "spying on social media" point. That could prove problematic.

A good start for getting out of Dodge would be starting to keep notes in a journal on her erratic behaviors - when does she not come in until midnight, how does she interact with the kids (if she's playing head games with him, it's a pretty fair bet she's playing them with the kids, too, and that ought to be documented with times and dates and whatnot).

nannycams can be wonderful things for documenting interactions with kids, and video holds up in court.

However, it's never a good idea to use the kids as leverage. They're kids, not weapons. If those actions are to be taken, then it HAS to be sincerely for the kids' sakes, not because daddy or mommy is pissed off at the other and wants to use the kids for leverage. that never ends well.