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A short poem I wrote, opinions?

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posted on Jul, 19 2012 @ 05:17 AM
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through the eloquence, upon recognition of the Omnibenevolence graphing temperaments//
derivatives of gods means of relevance//
by means of eternal recurrences implied responsibilities require no assurances
so haters of the greater go and procure their insurances
being non-linear we race the integers, with fractal implications
inevitably await debates and hate between the nations for the love of our creation,
we remotely mold the future //
as refused stones, used to compose the main feature//



Possible Titles? Improvements? Does it make sense to you?

I've been writing for a while now, this isn't my normal style... lately I've been considering entering some contests, but I want to know what people think here on ATS before I do so.




posted on Jul, 19 2012 @ 05:22 AM
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reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


It would work better as a rap lyric instead of a poem I think.

But I like your choice of words and the way they rhyme.



posted on Jul, 19 2012 @ 05:29 AM
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Originally posted by TraitorKiller
reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


It would work better as a rap lyric instead of a poem I think.

But I like your choice of words and the way they rhyme.


I did actually write this to an instrumental, and it fits...

As to the word choices, I try not to use words out of context... so I think I did a fair job at getting straight to the point and being descriptive as possible. I'm glad you enjoyed.



posted on Jul, 19 2012 @ 06:11 AM
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reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


I actually wrote similar lyrics to a freestyle beat, among others.

Not really the same but also aimed at conspiracies, apocalyptic views and TPTB(I don't like using that word).
edit on 19-7-2012 by TraitorKiller because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 19 2012 @ 06:51 AM
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reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


Ok, this is all in good fun and it allowed me to vent some aggression. I hope the mods don't mind the circumvention of censors, it is "art", lol.



......now let me start by spittin this real *ing sh*t here right now
give you an idea what this hardcore mofo* 's all about
fighting this holy war against fat cats the world around
it's time for them to take this hint or else get *king taken out
kidnap em from their beds with their mouths gagged and hands bound
snatch em the * up and drag em across the *ing ground

Asking for a hot randsome, pretty pennies, hand some
gimme the money, crown jewels, gold bars and then some
take back the wealth that was stolen by this evil empire
reclaim our power and watch em burn in eternal hellfire
sh*ts been going on too long and it is time to put a stop to it
these mofos* had a free pass and now I'm blocking it

Keeping the CEO and the Prime minister locked in my basement
they can scream all they want cause there is no *ing building adjacent
besides any witnesses to this sh*t gon be complacent
what goes around comes around and they gon have to face it
payback of a million mofos* is a blade that leaves their vains slit
they gon be sorry for all the evil things that they did, too late bitch

Time for remorse is gone, revenge is a dish served cold
this is payback for every *ing lie that they ever told
for every single life that they *ed up and put on hold
for treason on humanity just for a piece of the *ing gold
now watch the curtain fall on these mofos* and behold
its over for these cats when I switch the roles and lock em up with no parole

Screaming * off to any form of authority,
representing the minority with a priority
to start a revolutionairy war in here
rise from the ashes that were the result of violent clashes and interplanetairy crashes
that left mankind without safe haven, decimated, cause the entire planet was irradiated
I'm not a cannibal, but I didn't want to starve so I ate it and don't hate it.


Lol.

Disclaimer:

No zombie chicks were harmed during the making of this song nor do I support necrophilia, cannibalism or the killing or kidnapping of people in power.

edit on 19-7-2012 by TraitorKiller because: (no reason given)


Removed the last verse, it was probably a bit too much.
edit on 19-7-2012 by TraitorKiller because: (no reason given)






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