My struggle with GOD

I don't really know where to start, so I'm going to see where this goes. If my rant/belief offends you then use your mouse and click the back button no need to reply or troll, and I don't care about stars and flags so with that out of the way. This will be a long rant

My rant begins at the end of July 2010 when me and my wife found out we were having a baby and our world was so happy, but by August a ultrasound reviled that the babys heart was not normal, with each new ultrasound came the devastating news, that the left side of her heart was smaller than the right side, but they wanted to go full term to weight options. Around Nov.19th 2010 I lost my job and finally found one in March 2011 as a pizza delivery guy. when the baby was born April 5th 2011 she was hooked to breathing tubes and rushed to life support, while this was going on I lost my job at Pizza hut, Guess I value family over a job!. But everytime they took scans of her insides they found more things wrong, on top of a hypo plastic left ventricle she also had a herniated diaphragm and a part of her left lung either compressed by lower intestines pressing against her lung or it was partly formed. With a panel of doctors saying there was nothing they could do they said she had ultra rare syndrome called Scimitar Syndrome

en.wikipedia.org...

A rare heart condition found in the 1940's-50's and from the doctors at Nortons in Louisville Ky was the first documented case in US history

What ticks me of the most is if it was the first case of a ultra rare syndrome why no media coverage? It's not that I want the publicity but in fact to warn people of something that isn't known!

We had passport a low income insurance for help with some bills, but what raised my conspiracy mind in all this was when we got the bill that passport paid....the bill just for Khloe was over 200,000 dollars for one week total life support without it she would have died hours after being born. Me I firmly believe that passport told them to tell us anything so we would let her go. so they could save some money???? Could I be looking for a way to cope? IDK? So this leads me to my next theory. GOD IS BS....yup I said it...I've posted in some religious posts from time to time, so I'm no stranger to god but in the last few years have had some really questionable events happen and have come to a conclusion...We as humans created god so that we would not feel so alone on this little planet! and it would give some meaning to life.... If I was a alpha and omega and created a species that questioned my creation I think I would pop down every once in awhile to set the record straight, But he don't exist so it cant happen...I also know the bible maybe not word for word but enough to know Ir's the most misinterpret book on the planet! This book is a mere guideline to how humanity should act towards one another! or it was used to pre set laws of today.

Her name was Khloe Marie Kyle and would have been a future ATSer....

So I guess in apart most of the threads I've started kinda revolves around the death of a 7 day old baby that didn't get to experience life...

And on a side note...People say its satan doing it not god, but think about that statement, god allows satan to do things so there for god is accountable,

I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been horrible for you to have to go through that.

Other tragedies like this occur everywhere in the world on a daily basis. It's understandable that this fact would cause anyone to question faith in God.

Some might rationalize that God is testing your faith, but if that is true, what an awful test to put someone through. Surely a loving deity wouldn't intentionally cause such pain. How could anyone benefit from a loss such as this which was entirely beyond your control?

My personal belief is that God is not testing us, nor can it interfere with our lives. God is everything around us, one massive being of light and matter, and cannot help us any more than we can stop a cancer growing in our own body.

reply to post by mytheroy
First off - *hug*

Secondly, it's not 'god' OR Satan's doing - at least not directly. I am a believer, and as I understand things, god has merely instituted natural cycles/systems and set them free - he doesn't hand craft everything personally, although he may step in to provide a nudge once in awhile to make sure certain necessary things come out as needed.

As far as why these cycles and processes sometimes go wrong - we live in a broken world that is not as originally designed, and is awaiting restoration. I'm definitely sorry for your loss and all the issues, but to ascribe guilt one way or the other isn't something I can get behind. Yes, he allows it - just as he allows us to do as we will...even though that's all so often selfish and evil on our parts.

As far as him popping down every once in awhile to prove himself - I don't think that would do a whole lot for the test of free will, or allow us to act as we otherwise naturally would...and I personally believe there's more than enough that cries out accordingly anyway, but that's just me.

Be well, friend.

I am so very sorry for your experience and your loss. I have had two children, both are dead. My daughter was birth defected. Spina Bifida she lived 5mo. she suffered. Most of her life was in hospitals. My son died when he was 30 of Melanoma. He was a meteorologist working for NOAA. I understand how you can be angry at God.

At the time my daughter was born they did not know what caused it. Today they do it is a simple B6 deficiency.

I really don't know what to say. I am very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl.

Its completely understandable that it would make you feel this way toward God.

Often, I have asked myself why is there a Satan running around controlling the world and devastating everything.
Where is the reasoning in that? Its like God is saying; "Worship me, trust in me, but know that one of my creations lives among you and wants to kill you and destroy your world"
I'm no stranger to God either, but have spent the last decade questioning his motives.
I've come to the conclusion, that religion and the bible are human interpretations of God.
To me, he is a scientist who created this world and leaves it be, for the time being.
He has not made promises. Only man has done so.

Just my opinion.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Wishing you the strength and courage to go on. My heart really breaks for you. HUGS!

My other rant of this is, if it is as rare as they say it was...why not a dna or genetic test to rule out possibilities And that's when I came to the hypocritical oath that doctors swear when given the doctorate right? with the way its ran today it should be the hypocrite oath only to heal the sick dying as long as they have insurance to pay me

reply to post by mytheroy


We can be in hell, but at least we will realize why it is hell. It is not satan. Satan is the person who takes you to hell without you realizing it, then you are there. We have seen it and we know that it is not a perfect life.

I want to say my condolences to you and to anyone here who reads this and has lost someone dear to them. I also wanted to say words of comfort but I am not sure of the right ones. Not sure if you want to hear a story or what will help so I hope you don't mind my writing.

I am sure there are lucky people out there that experience little loss, but almost all of us do at some point, some times it is devastating. I Too have struggled with God and at times denied the very existance of such a Being. I could go on with the pain in my life but instead another poster reminded me of my Brother.

Born with spina-bifida lucky or unlucky he lived. There were times when I wondered if that was the best thing. He has more surgeries than I can count (last I remember 80) and had run up expenses that amount to more then I have made in my Adult career. He has had countless infections and related illnesses including severely burning himself without knowing because he has no feeling from the midwaist down.

Now I will admit for a while my parents were religious but his Dad (my step Dad) was never too much into it. But through all this he believes in God...and I have never understoond why, through all the pain and misery he has endured he still told me I should pray. He listens to gospel music and says he loves Jesus. And it has persisted for going on 25 years

Now do I? Yes but I came to being a sort of Deist like our Founding Fathers. There were several reasons for this as I had for many years been an Agnostic. But I started to see this beauty in nature and humanity when there should not really be any, like my brother. And that these tragedies he has had can be seen in two ways, a poor pity or the Indomitable strength of human will given to us by a creator. A creator who set this is all up and then set it in motion, but to change it would violate the Laws a loving God created. I wish I could explain more but I think that given the laws of nature to interfere would break those laws and damge our free will. Someday I hope to understand it better, and I wish you strength in this time.

These people who have this in their life also can be an inspiration to us to not allow these tragedies to conntinue (like the genocides of war) or find new cures for disease or birth defects for a better future of all of humanity...