what would you do?

I'm writing this on a cell phone right now so I apologize for any mistakes. Which brings me to what my problem is. My computer is down right now and has been for a few days. I have been going through a little bit of technology withdrawals so I decided to check my facebook on my husbands phone. That is when I see this profile for some girl. I am confused so I ask him what it was all about. First he says he has no clue how it was on his phone, then he says it is for his gaming, and finally as I am noticing that all the friends for this profile are hot girls he says its only for masbatory purposes only. He doesnt want to infect our computer. Well any idiot know you can type bikini clad women and get tons of images that are safe and sexy. He has done this before only using his own name and talking a whole lot dirtier than I caugh this time. I have worked hard to get past that point and marriage was stronger for it. He has been ny rock,my best friend, my mentor and the one person in this world I thought I could trust. I feel so hurt, so betrayed. I dont know what to do. What would you do? Please help I haver never felt more worthless in my life.

If he knows how you feel about this then clearly he doesn't care. If not then I would strongly talk to him about it. If he tried to act like it was nothing then clearly he was trying to hide it. All you can do right now is talk to him about it and lay everything on the line. If everything is said and you still feel trust issues then maybe it is time for a break.

reply to post by stinavamp


It is suspicious.

I think you should explain to him how it makes you feel.

If he doesn't fix the problem, then he may be a scumbag.

OR you could give him a lot of extra attention and see if his attitude changes.

Best of luck.

reply to post by stinavamp


Well I can say from my experience that in my relationship sex has gone by the wayside. This has cause me to seek pleasure in other places. And before you judge understand that I have tried just about everything to keep my wife interested in sex. After she had our child her sex drive just crashed. I'm 28 years old and this just simply won't do. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and wouldn't trade her for the world, but after trying to get her interested for 4 years I just gave up.

So the question I pose to you is are you keeping him interested in you and do you still show sexual interest?

reply to post by stinavamp
I will look for peace,seek peace,don't fight,speak with him..forgive and forget!

Hi, that sounds pretty rubbish. I don't know your husband but it could be similar to what I have got up to in the past; I got bigger kicks from making a "connection" to a girl rather than just looking at random pictures, although I had a definite line I wouldn't cross, ( I never met any other girl in real life for example) but looking back it was disrespectful to my girlfriend (now my wife btw). She found out what I'd been doing and was gutted, just the look of anguish on her face was, and still is, enough for me to avoid any situation where boundaries like this could be crossed. To be honest I didn't get why she was so upset at first, I wasn't cheating on her or anything but then after she told me how it made her feel and I actually sat and analysed what I was doing I felt ashamed, childish and actually really didn't like myself very much...

reply to post by FreeThePeople


I'm assuming your wife is in her late 20's like you when I say this...

Wait til she hits her early-mid 30's. Women become a whole lot more interested in sex at that age (sexual peak).

Sorry if I offended you. Just giving advice based on my own marriage (and previous relationships).

Sex can be really good or really bad in marriage. It's all about the strength of the connection.

The facts that:

1. They are girls on Facebook
   
2. He had two different explanations
   

Should hint something is going on.

How many girls have to go through the same lies and deception to realize what's going on? He's most likely cheating from just what you first told us. You then said you caught him doing it before? Now if cheating isn't apparent to you then I think you're too scared to think of what would happen if it by any chance were true. I'm sorry but as a guy and knowing how guys are, I'm telling you, he's more likely to be cheating than not. The hard decision is gonna be up to you, will you stress and let this slide? Or will you address the situation and tell him you're done with the games?

reply to post by FreeThePeople


that is a valid point. Sex is a very important part of any relationship and my sex drive has its ups and downs. When its up I suprise him when comes home in lingerie or school girl out fit.he loves that. And when its down I make deal with him that we have sex at least once a week in any positiom he desires. I try to my hardest to fill his needs. I think thats where this feeling of worthlessness is coming from.

reply to post by stinavamp


It sounds like he's lucky to have you.

Start adding guys to your facebook. Flirt.

He may start to realize what he's losing.

reply to post by FidelityMusic


thats what boils down to doesnt it. thats why I came here for advice. My family is the most important thing to me. I dont want to be just another statistic. Then again I dont want to be a fool either. I have a daughter to be a role model to. What I do will impact her and how she percieves men.

Wow, this is ridiculous. Reason #4723904 I'm so happy not to have ANYTHING to do with Facebook. But that's another whole topic.

At any rate...I'm a man and I would say first of all that if I found myself in a desperate and feverish enough condition where I was doing something like that it would be time to make some serious changes one way or another. There is a difference between looking at random images of other women versus establishing real relationships online that involve erotic exchanges. I'd say that crosses the line. (By the way some people might think me hypocritical for commenting on cheating as I have been raked over the coals on this site before for my...um...chaotic, shall we say, love life in the past but think of it this way, that means I know whereof I speak.)

I like to think that reality is never one size fits all.

Feeling worthless is bad and should be avoided.

If he has actual other hookups, do you think that they are hot all the time, or hot sometimes and otherwise sometimes like you?

OK this might not be a popular opinion but have you considered letting your husband fool around a little on the side? Or perhaps "visit a professional" every now and then if you know what I mean? You might know in a lot of countries of the world it is accepted that men will have certain needs longer and more intensely then women as they age, but for some stupid reason its taboo to suggest this in the USA. Which is dumb because men get trapped in sexless marriages and start to fantisize about young strangers, meanwhile there is no outlet so the steam boils over and the man does something stupid and destroys his whole family. How often does this happen? If you answered MORE OFTEN THAN NOT then give yourself a cookie. Meanwhile over in Europe and Asia women turn a blind eye to their husbands occasional adventures in concubinage, and familes stay together. Not politically correct but can you deny it???

reply to post by FailedProphet


Does it go both ways?

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by FailedProphet

 

Does it go both ways?

That's for each couple to decide.

I don't see why not. But the general experience of most of humanity seems to be that while, on the whole, women and men both become less interested in sex as they age, it seems to happen a lot quicker for women. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions too.

reply to post by stinavamp


You are not worthless, dear, he is. Don't just accept his lies. By the way, Facebook is a CIA front anyway, I don't understand why anyone needs to have everything about them on there. I could steal IDs from some Facebook pages, they have everything on there, even phone numbers and addresses.

You are young, and there are a lot of men out there who will love you for who you are. Stay away from Facebook boys.

I want to take the time to thank everybody for their advice. You guys have really helped me through this difficult time. I have read all the responces to my husband. I really dont know what I am going to do yet, but I know I have to focus on me and my daughter right now. I have a lot of tough decisions ahead of me and you guys have given me the strength I need to go on. I dont know if my marriage can be salvaged but I do know is that no matter what I can go on. I am a fighter,survivor and this only smalll bump in the road in the grand scheme of things. So thank you all of you for more than just this. thank you for challnging the way I think.

Best thing you can do is talk to him about it.

Just be honest with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling and how it felt when you saw
everything on his phone. Tell him everything.

Honesty is always the best policy.

Best Wishes and good luck.

The whole FB thing with relationships is shady for many imo.

My ex didn't even want me on his FB and later on I found out why, he was having convos with chicks he shouldn't have been having! This was when FB first came out....Now it seems like it's worse.

If your husband is having some kind of emotional bond, sexual or otherwise with another female online imo that is cheating but on an emotional level. If you have told him how you felt then he needs to respect that and if he doesn't then he isn't showing any respect to you.

If it's nothing like that and it is just a porn thing then it's just that.

If he is concerned about viruses on your computer with porn then get DVD's or something, IDK it just sounds like a slight excuse because with his phone only he would really have access all the time unlike the computer.

Also some men are embarrassed that they look at porn and don't want their spouse to know. Personally I know men will look at porn and i don't care, heck I'll even buy it for them. I don't take it personal BUT if it were your situation I'd be a little upset as well...

Hope you get things worked out