My Retirement Portfolio - The U.S. Prison System

Along with many others, I got burned twice in a decade on the time-tested, ol' trusty 401k.

$98,000.00 (1997) house rode the bubble to $260,000.00, took out a relatively mild $25,000.00 on a refi' (to actually pay off some debts and...ok, bought a small Harley too) and thought I might be sitting pretty in a few years..., before the Planned Managed Collapse and Equity-Theft Roadshow came rolling through Mainstreet.

So here I am considering a yet-still-a-ways-off retirement career in the Penal Arts. (huhuh...he said "penal")

Now right off the bat you're saying "Dude, you don't even know what the heck you're talking about, Prison Life?....as a retirement lifestyle?"

Yep, that's what I'm saying.

One really wouldn't have to worry too much about forced homosexual molestation as the mere fact of one being an old (perhaps stinky, and incontinent) man will eliminate 99% of one's potential inmate suitors. The 1% one might still have to worry about would thankfully be deterred by the high probability of their being pummelled unmercifully, and most-likely, fatally, by fellow inmates disgusted by the act.

Yeah, I've put some thought into this, people.

I somehow feel extremely confident that a continued increase in Government Taxation would be a commodity to go long with, therefore one may rest-assured there will be plenty of SDR's to fund my Golden Years until my demise, or release, in which case I could just re-offend.

All accomodations on the backs of the next wave of fear-managed, police-state/war-machine funding, debt-enslaved, tax-payers.

Hour or so of exercise walking the yard every day is perfect for an old man.

One might eventually become known as the "Prison Elder of Sacred Knowledge and Wisdom" amongst the statistically less-educated inmate population. Even learn some skills that would prove invaluable were one to somehow be released and then be inclined to seek employment in the financial or government-service fields.

Yeah, it's looking .....well, if not good, then just, likely.


Cheers

reply to post by FewWorldOrder




I've actually given this some thought myself:

* No rent or bills
* Food prepared and delivered
* Laundry picked up and delivered fresh
* Free access to a library
* University education free of charge (UK)
* Support for other educational or trade skills (UK)
* Free access to a gym
* Permitted access to an in-cell instrument, e.g. guitar (UK)
* Subsidised access to "canteen" purchases, e.g. smokes, cola, essentials, treats etc (UK)

Hell, in the UK, I'm probably also looking at an in-cell TV and games console (true!).

Worth a thought... Let's do it

reply to post by lizziejayne




We may have no choice anyway.

Thanks for the reply, my cross-the-continent-then-pond, ATS friend.

Cheers

Most likely better living conditions than most senior homes, and free to boot! If you plan it properly, you can do something that gets you 10 years or less and let your meager savings grow during your imprisonment.

You may be onto something here. You should trade mark it. Maybe, the "Retirement via petty crime plan." I like it!

reply to post by Ultraman2011


Thanks for pointing out that additional benefit, brother, along with the commercialization aspect I hadn't postulated.

If it pans out, I'll cut you a 'finders fee'.

You may get stuck with 2 hours excercise a weeks.
10 dudes who like the older gentleman.
Have to put up with others fapping in ear shot.
Grimey food and accomodation.
5 dudes who really really like the older gentleman all together at once.
Shower time with those 15 dudes.

reply to post by Chukkles

Originally posted by Chukkles

"You may get stuck with 2 hours excercise a weeks.
10 dudes who like the older gentleman.
Have to put up with others fapping in ear shot.
Grimey food and accomodation.
5 dudes who really really like the older gentleman all together at once.
Shower time with those 15 dudes."

That could also be a description of a 'free citizen's' weekly routine at the Gym, Work, and Church...

Cheers