Trade-Off Between Success and Social Acceptance

In short,

the more successful I become, the less friends I have.

Every time I get a new research opportunity with the university's top professor or get some scholarship, some of my "friends" pretty much won't talk to me anymore. All of them were my friends back in the old days when I was a slack off, but now all they do is try to take advantage of my connections or leave me isolated and make up rumors about me.


Right now, I'm miserable in the context of social interactions.

I chose to work hard because I don't want to live my parents' life. But sometimes I just get the feeling that this trend of disconnect from society will continue to happen until I fail and people will laugh at me.


I don't want any arguments for continuing what I do. I want to hear grown ups with experiences similar to mine.

Not the same exact situation, but I can relate.
Due to life circumstances I was forced into being more mature and responsible than my friends. Going out the the club or partying wasn't an option for me. Yes, I ended up being pretty isolated for a while, but I have learned that I would rather be with out any friends than have friends that didn't lift me up, and support my attempts to better my life. Along the way I made a few real and close friends, and that's far better than having a ton of conditional friends.
It wasn't always easy because I used to be a social butterfly. It was worth it though. Some people have this "need" to have lots of friends and it gets them in trouble, and they are more miserable because of it. Especially, when I see someone who is being taken advantage of by their friends, and I realize, I am not one of those people any more.

I believe your social interactions are what you make them. If you let your friends use you then they are not your "friends". I have a disconnect from my partying friends that I have not talked to in a while. I've grown up I think mentally, entered the social norm of self reliance, and try to succeed for me and my family. I don't know what kind of person you are but it appears their might be a self confidence level issue. I myself know I have one to some degree but I choose to accept it and friends just come along with it. If you just be yourself then that's all anyone can ask for. (to include you) If your genuine and a good person then that's all you need. Don't take risks with "friends". (for example) If someone wants to borrow money (or exploit connections) and you know they won't pay you back, don't do it and tell them straight up why. If they are not your friend anymore then so be it. If you feel that its the right thing to do and it won't hurt you, then do it. If they F it up then your not hurt. Self awareness is preeched all over ATS and I think its the source of your problems.

reply to post by die_another_day

If your friends are moving away from you as you become more successful, there are two possible explanations.

1. They were never very good friends in the first place
   
   
2. Success is changing you, and not in a good way

Either way, the person you need to be taking a closer look at is yourself. If the friends you make aren’t very good friends, what does that say about you? Are you so eager for acceptance you’ll make friends with any deadbeat or hustler on the make? Are you yourself poor friend material – birds of a feather, you know? Or are you just so naive or romantic you never judge the company you keep, believing all men are your brothers? If so, these are matters that need your attention.

If, on the other hand, it is success that is changing you in unpleasant ways – making you boastful, or arrogant, suspicious of others, over-generous, or simply unavailable – obviously the solution, again, lies with you.

Either way, I wish you every success. Sometimes, as we pass through the stages of our lives, we need to move on from one set of relationships to another. Also, one lives and learns. If there is anything in you deserving of friendship, you will make new (and, perhaps, better) friends.

Working on six decades in my present incarnation on this planet.
You need to understand that some people choose to stay where they are comfortable - and some like to continue to grow. Over time, you'll outgrow your old friends, and make new ones as time passes. It's sad but true after all these years the only people I'm still in contact since high schol (or grade school) are my family.
If you feel socially cut-off, my advice is travel and meet new & interesting people - if there's any element of your work dealing with people, by all means have fun with that aspect of your professional life.

Just a tip: over the years one's ideas of success are subject to evolution as well.

ganjoa

When you make friends with like-minded individuals, and when you find genuine friends, they will be happy that you made it to the next level. I think you should realise that there are many shallow and envious people, but there are also many good people, it just takes a bit more effort to find them.