TSA save me! Bagels!

It seems that we have a national security risk! Muslim men (trained and funded by the CIA during the soviet occupation of Afghanastan) whom have taken to growing large beards while residing within caves half way around the world have decided to declare war on bagels! Florida Professor Ognjen Milatovic was removed from a US Airways flight for being in possession of a "suspicious bagel" (www.deathandtaxesmag.com...)! How dare this man decide to bring a bagel on an aircraft?! Doesnt he know that the men in caves have declared global Jihad on Bruegger's Bagels?!

I personally would like to thank the TSA for protecting those poor people. If it wasnt for them that bagel would have taken over the aircraft at plastic knife point and spread cream cheese all over the passengers! Think about the lactose intolerant! Such brave men and women assaulting... I mean risking their lives on a daily basis to protect us! Surely with this act of heroism theyve managed to make up for dropping out of highschool and not being able to find a job anywhere else.

Ladies and gentlemen I would like to propose that the United States Government consider replacing Janet Napolitano with Antoine Dodson as secretary of homeland security. Imagine it now in Walmarts across America...



I mean we would have Americans dancing in the Walmarts while they spy on each other... of course theyd all eventually report each other for being suspicious. But we could replace the colored threat level system with:

They rapin' erybody out here = SEVERE
Hide Ya Husband = HIGH
Hide Ya Wife = ELEVATED
Hide Ya Kids = LOW

This way when you call grandma she'll know what to do when you tell her they raised the threat level to HIDE YA HUSBAND! She can simply tuck her husband neatly away in the anti terror drawer and be safe. Countless times Ive called granny while she was baking biscuits to warn her to put on her anti terror helmet and she got confused with which color to use!

Gee. I cant wait until we have the TSA watching over us everywhere we go! They can come to our malls (that nobody goes to anymore because they took all our moneys lolz), our highways and even sexually assault.... I mean protect our children everyday when they walk into school! I hope we dont pack bagels in their lunch bags!

If you havent noticed by now Im using sarcasm to make fun of the complete RETARDS that couldnt hold a job working at Mcdonalds that the TSA employs to literally assault the American people. See this all stems from watching Jimmy Kimmel literally mock the constitution infront of a live audience and then... heres the kicker, they actually appload.

Some may think it to be immature of me to create such a thread and I would have to agree with you on that point. But if you dont want to listen to me or any of the patriots of this nation then atleast listen to the people that created it.

"Those who surrender freedom for security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."
— Thomas Jefferson

I know we make fun of it to help cope with the insanity, but I seriously see physical conflict on a grand scale being started by this eventually.
There will be a snapping point, I'm sure of it.
When it arrives, is debatable.

reply to [url=http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread648010/pg1#pid10269330]post by AndrewJay[/rl]


Ok...I must be on the verge of loosing it, because I REALLY enjoyed that video, LOL!

Thanks for that!

But on a serious and seemingly related note, about 8-9 years ago, I had a dream that these oriental soldiers… dressed in black sky diving suits with red parachutes flew into the neighborhoods where I lived at the time and broke through my window and many other neighbors' windows and then proceeded to rape and torture all who lived within the homes. These invaders tied each person in the homes to chairs and then began to break many of our belongings and take any valuables....like jewelry and money. Not tvs and such, as they were broken too.

So as you can see, I shouldn't find anything humerous about that video...but it was just what the doctor ordered...comic relief. They say laughter is the best medicine, right?!

Originally posted by HappilyEverAfter
I know we make fun of it to help cope with the insanity, but I seriously see physical conflict on a grand scale being started by this eventually.
There will be a snapping point, I'm sure of it.
When it arrives, is debatable.

It only took the but end of a rifle and an entire nation broke away from its ruler.