My FIL passed away...

Which is sad. But what I want to know, for those of you who have experience with this, is how to help my spouse through this. He is just a zombie. My heart aches for him. Alll I can do is be there for him.

It wasn't sudden, fil had liver cancer. But for some reason, there still a shock factor to it.

thanks in advance

I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law....

Unfortunately, some people do not handle death well at all. It seems to affect different people in different ways.

I have found that for those that get stuck into a dark place and can't stop grieving or constantly thinking about the loved one that has passed, well, you have to get them to start living again. This can be very hard as you have to be tough and get them doing things with the family.

Be prepared for a backlash however as sometimes they feel that you are not grieving as you should.

Take your little one and your husband and go to the beach, or a picnic, whatever, have fun, and try to show him that life goes on and it's not fair to his child as he just doesn't understand and just wants his daddy back.

Or, find a professional and see how they can help him. It's very easy to make things worse when trying to help by yourself even though you know the person well.

I have always found logic works with me more than anything, but when dealing with emotions you can never be sure how a person will react when they are in shock which is what your husband is going through.

It's never easy and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours and hope that everything works out for your family.

Thank you, I appreciate yoru sympathies. Was feeling pretty rejected by the ats crowd.

Oh nixi, Im so very sorry for your loss and i cant imagine how your partner is feeling right now,

give him space but at the same time let him know that you are there waiting for when he feels he can talk about it,
Its not going to be easy thats for sure and you have a bumpy road ahead,
Just keep letting him know you are there for him and that its ok for him to feel sad and cry when he needs to,

Maybe a little break away if thats possible after a little while to help refresh,

My thoughts and prayers are with you both and your family,
Hugs and if you need to talk please know that im only a u2u away,

Let us know how you are getting on,
xxx

Sorry for your loss nixi. I lost both of my parents a few years ago. We had a few months to prepare but the loss is always heartbreaking. I miss them just as much today as I did when they passed. It still feels fresh even after four years. Grief is an ongoing process. Just be there for each other. My hubs still grieves for his first wife and daughter who were killed by a drunk driver and that was almost 30 years ago.

I am sorry for your loss

Death is never easy, it's the one certain thing in this life no matter when it happens it's never a happy occasion.

Like others have said, make sure to give your partner space, and at the same time, let them know they can come to you when they need to.

They say that time heals all wounds, but with a death, the scar can run deep. As far as I know, love is the only ointment that really works.

Stick in there, things will get better eventually.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
Thank you, I appreciate yoru sympathies. Was feeling pretty rejected by the ats crowd.

I wouldn't feel bad about feeling rejected. It's the same thing that happens in real life I think.

Death of a loved one is such a touchy subject that no one really knows what to say (for the most part).

I'm sure many read your thread but just didn't know what to say.

I know when my father passed, I thought something was wrong with me as I wasn't upset at all in the way that I thought I should be. A few years later (5 or 6), it finally hit me. Don't know why that was but don't really care to figure it out either, it just is what it is as far as that goes.

Hi Nixie, I just came across your thread. I don't know if this will help, but I hope so.

www.recover-from-grief.com...

Thank you so much all, I really appreciate it.

Originally posted by darkelf
My hubs still grieves for his first wife and daughter who were killed by a drunk driver and that was almost 30 years ago.

Omg that is heartbreaking. H also lost his brother four months after we got married. Watching his mother deal with losing a child, and now that I have a child of my own, I can't imagine anything worse, and how any parent goes on is amazing.

This thread is very beautiful and I think it might help to give you some insight into your husband's grief.

adjensen talks very openly and movingly about his wife's death, and the responses from other members detailing their loss and grieving processes are some of the most thoughtful I've ever read on ATS.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

It is hard whenever you or someone you love loses a close friend or family member.

I lost just about everyone within a 3-4 year period of time, first my fiance to a bad break up, then a few months later my pup, who was 10, died suddenly, followed a month later by my dad who died from a massive heart attack.

A year later I lost my mother, who was only 54, to complications resulting from CPD...and the crazy part is my elderly grandmother collapsed and died while attending my mothers funeral. A few months later I lost a close friend to a violent crime.

I wish I had some incredibly inciteful knowledge to share that would make the situation easier, but I don't.

I will just say that I am very sorry for your loss, and I do know that eventually time will make things better, or at least tolerable.

Best of luck to you and your family during your difficult time

[edit on 28-7-2010 by BlackOps719]

Nixie,

My deepest sympathy's to you and yours.

These kinds of life occurrences are never easy.

Try to look at all the good things he did and happy moments you shared together.

I just now saw this thread. I'm very sorry for your loss... Hugs.

I remember when my husband's father died, I felt totally helpless. The only thing I know to do is to be there for him. Be strong, gentle, patient and loving, which I know you are. It's healthy for him to be distraught. That's what he's supposed to do. In time, you will see signs of him coming out of it. But it's a necessary step, so just be there.