New Terrorist Alert

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome sleeper network," Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong
to a common denominator of the axis of medieval (geometry) with coordinates
in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are
3 sides to every triangle'." You'd better believe it!

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes."