Tattooed? Overweight? Criminal record? Your country needs you...

Desperate Army chiefs want to accept more criminals, the overweight and applicants with visible tattoos in a bid to solve a recruitment crisis.

The startling plans are part of a drive to boost Army numbers in 2009 after years of worsening shortages.

Top commanders are anxious to attract more recruits during the current dire economic conditions which in the past have provided a boost to recruitment as civilian jobs become scarce.

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Yeah? Well they don't want me-too many wavers. Yet still I've been aching to go since I was like, 10. Maybe I should check back in?
I'm sure the department of the Army would enjoy an alternative ending conspiracy theorist dishing out slop in the mess hall; it would tend to shut me up, as then there would be a rule book or something to live by.