An Eloquent Argument on Why Zombies Shouldn't Run

The dead and the quickEveryone knows the undead don't run - so how come they were sprinting about in Charlie Brooker's recent TV drama? Simon Pegg argues for a return to traditional zombie valuesSimon Pegg The Guardian, Tuesday November 4 2008 Article history

This was good, funny read that has some salient points. I agree with Mr. Pegg in that slow moving zombies have their place - and it is not flying around with superhuman power.

I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can't fly; zombies do not run. It's a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I'll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It's hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all

www.guardian.co.uk...

Just something to lighten the mood today. GO VOTE!

ColoradoJens


[edit on 4-11-2008 by ColoradoJens]

Considering the day after elections here in the US we are all pretty well spent, I thought I'd bump this up once to see if anyone else agrees on this very important subject - should zombies run or move slowly?

ColoradoJens

We prefer the term; "hastily challenged", thanks.

i've always thought that the fast moving zombie was a bit more absurd than their slower kin.

for me, the runners remind me more of the "return of" undead, which was obviously a bit more silly. they retained a good deal of their mind from before they died and yet still ate brains to relieve the pain of being dead.

the slow movers remind me more of the romero zombie and i find those to be far more frightening.

something about the mindless, slow zombies who want nothing more than to eat living flesh makes my skin crawl to a larger degree than something running at me full saying, "yummy bwains!"

granted, it takes a vacation of logic to accept that something that's been long dead can muster the strength to scratch through a coffin and six feet of dirt in the first place, but to be able to sprint as fast as a professional athlete whilst being mostly rotten takes things a little too far.

sure, with the runners, the suspense is in getting away from them when they are chasing you but with the slow ones, it's when you are cornered and hordes of them are shambling toward you in all directions that gives me the shivers.

reply to Barathum:

Yes, I know. The terror I feel when being pursued slowly, yet continuously is worse than that of the instant blast of fear/adrenalin when a running/hurdling/semi-flying zombie suddenly swoops down from a balcony to get me. I mean, they are wearing tough-skin jeans and bad sportcoats for goodness sake, let alone having rotted flesh - as the story says, being dead isn't superhuman - it's the worst malady one can have. And one more thing, whats with the almost electronic shriekeing noises they can produce now? I thought they just grunted.


ColoradoJens

reply to post by ColoradoJens


Have you played Half Life 2? Zombies shouldn't run Because when they do they are as scary as hell!!

I'm not sure it's right thought to say that they shouldn't run outright. If they are fresh, then they can run some. But the older and more decomposed they are, the slower they should get.

I'm a classical lover in this regard. I prefer the slower Zombie. The long drawn out hunt and then when you get cornered by swarms is more frightening than something that runs at you quickly.

It all of course depends on how long the zombies body has been decomposing. Some Zombies are fresh meat as it were and so after just coming out of rigormortis they would be a little quicker than a corpse that has rotten for months.