LACUNA COIL
WITHIN ME
Something about you that makes me feel bad
I wasn’t there when a thin line destroyed your soul
I search every corner
There’s nowhere to hide
How I feel ignorance
Sacrifice some days it’s harder
Let’s face it, it’s all about me
Deeply into your own
Deep within me
Life’s crawling and wasting my days
Another night gone and I know there will be another way
I’m leading myself to be free
In this eternal goodbye
Something about you will make me stronger
Now I’m aware when a man falls rebound, my fault
I search every corner
Just nowhere to hide
How I feel ignorance
Sacrifice some days it’s harder
Let’s face it, it’s all about me
Deeply into your own
Deep within me
Life’s crawling and wasting my days
Another night gone and I know there will be another way
I’m leading myself to be free
In this eternal goodbye
Here I wanna be
No more lies!
Deep within me
Life’s crawling and wasting my days
Another night gone and I know there will be another way
I’m leading myself to be free
In this eternal goodbye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wail of the police siren abruptly ended the conversation Catherine Mallory was having with her daughter, Trista.
She quietly cursed under her breath as she pulled over to the side of the road.
"Oh fabulous Mother!" Trista exclaimed. "Now you really are going to be late!"
"Oh hush!" Catherine whispered, her finger up to her lips," I wasn't going fast was I?"
The officer tapped on her window, and she quickly obliged him by rolling it down.
"Good evening officer. What seems to be the problem?" She smiled at him in the most innocent of ways.
Trista rolled her eyes and could only shake her head.Occasionally she wondered if her and Catherine had
switched the roles of mother and daughter. At 24 she was far more mature than Catherine at twice her
age, and baffled by her mother's lack of responsibility for her own actions.
"May I see your license please?" The officer demanded.
While Catherine tried to talk her way out of a ticket, Trista's thoughts drifted back to the events earlier
in the day. Her heart ached, and she felt dizzy and nauseated. She should have known better than to fall for
Ruben, to let her feelings for him rule over her gut instincts. To see him with someone else was a torture of the
worst degree.All the enchanting words he whispered in her ear...
"I love you baby..."
"You take my breath away..."
"I'll give him enchanting words" she whispered under her breath.
Trista brought herself back to the present moment.
"You have yourself a wonderful evening Officer Randall. And do drop by the house later with your wife,
there's plenty of food for a couple more!" Catherine chirped as she rolled up her window.
Trista felt even more nauseated.
"Oh god Mother, could you be more disgustingly sweet?"
"My dear" Catherine explained herself, "If batting your eyelashes and flashing a smile gets you ahead in life,
use it.You might have learned that with Michael before he went off to the city instead of staying here with
your useless cheater of a boyfriend."
"Oh that's just it!" Trista yelled. " I'll walk the rest of the way."
"Now, now, don't be angry." Catherine spoke in a firmer voice.
But Trista had only begun to vent..
"Excuse me Mother, but who are you to dictate to me, while you flirt with everyone including cops,
and you are on your way home to husband number three,to party with all your "upper-class" friends,
whom are ALL divorced and remarried, and will probably be eye-balling each other husbands at
your party tonight?"
"TRISTA!" Catherine gasped as her daughter got out and slammed the passenger door in her face.
She sat there in the car for a moment, wondering if there was more she could say, or whether she
should go after her. She thought better of it. Trista needed time alone, to calm down,to process her thoughts.
Catherine backed her car up, and turned around headed for home. It was less than a mile to Trista's
small house, and about an hour away from sunset. She had no fear her daughter would make it
home just fine.
The blazing sun still slightly high in the west, was no match for the degree in which Trista's blood
was boiling right now.
DAMN! The audacity of that woman was truly unreal. As if her day wasn't harsh enough, leave it
to good ol' mom to pour salt in that wound, and rub it in good.
She stopped mid-stride and let out a blood curdling scream at the top of her lungs. No one
around for miles to hear her, except the blackbirds who quickly flew from their perches in the
trees at the sound.
She had hoped to expel some of the pain with that effort. It didn't work. If anything, it made
her more angry that she felt this way at all, and that she allowed it to bother her.
There are so many better ways to use one's energy.
Clouds had started to roll in from the east and the wind had picked up slightly.
The sun was deepening in color from a brilliant yellow to a fiery orange, illuminating the
clouds as they closed in around it.
She shuffled her feet up the walkway to the house. It was more of a cottage really.
Quaint, with a small herb and flower garden in front that Trista herself had put there.
The previous owner was an elderly woman, very eccentric in her ways. Loved her
privacy. Her only child, a son, had left for the city as soon as he was old enough,
only returning when his mother could no longer care for herself. He placed her in
a care facility on the edge of town, and rented the house versus selling it, thus
paying for his mother's monthly care. It was a good enough place for Trista,
and she relished the solitude.
Once inside she filled the kettle and placed it on the stove for tea. Opening the
refrigerator gleaned a score of last nights leftovers. She quickly heated them up
in the microwave, made her tea, and sat down at the table to mull over her intentions
while she ate. Trista never considered herself a spiteful person. To her this would
be ridding the world of a person undesirable. Saving other women the same pain.
Over and over she justified it in her mind till the words became like a beckoning
mantra..
"You can do this..."
"You can do this..."
The sun had almost completely set. She had much to do before the moon came up full.
Putting her dishes in the sink to be washed later, she climbed the small staircase and
went into the bathroom.
She turned on the taps in the tub, getting it just the right temperature, and then she
poured out a hand full of dried rose hips from a container on the shelf above.
Placing 4 white candles around the room, she lit them, and then removed her clothing
placing it in the hamper.
She stepped inside the hot bath, and slid down feeling the heat wash over her.
She needed to relax, to clear her mind, to cleanse inside and out.
The only sound was the breeze blowing through the trees outside.
She focused on breathing. The oxygen filling not just her lungs, but her entire
body. Feeling it flow through her veins with her blood. She quickly drifted to a
different state of mind. She felt stronger. Mentally and physically. She saw
the pictures in her mind of the task ahead, and she knew she could do this.
It would be so easy. She took a deep breath and climbed out of the now tepid water.
A draft blew through the open bedroom window, but she was not chilled, simply refreshed,
invigorated.
From the back of her closet, she retrieved the black hooded robe. Not used for awhile,but
not dusty either. From the shelf above, she took the black velvet bag, filled with all the tools
she needed.
Trista pulled the robe over her head and let the silky fabric fall to her ankles. She wore nothing
underneath. Her feet remained bare. She picked up the bag and placed it over her shoulder.
Before descending the stairs she walked inside the bathroom and stared at her reflection in
the mirror. This was not the Trista from earlier today. This was not the Trista that her mother knew.
This was certainly not the Trista that Ruben knew. She smiled at herself....
"Oh yes, there are far better ways to use one's energy."
She blew out the white candles, and prepared herself to leave the house.
Trista walked outside the back door of the house, and deep into the forest which lay behind it.
Darkness had fallen and the moon was showing it's glowing face. No stars were visible from behind
the clouds.
She did not need any more light than the full moon provided. Truthfully, she could have made her way here
in complete darkness just by the feel of the ground beneath her bare feet. The moss felt soft and cool, and
more soothing than the most luxurious plush carpet.
The sound of a mourning dove made her stop briefly, and close her eyes to it's sad song. How appropriate.
(Continued next post)