'The Wee Leprechaun' and other Funnies

One dark and stormy night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot the other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed those two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man...he saw it too!

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The Wee Leprechaun

A man goes into the bar, sits down and orders a stiff drink.
He looks around and notices that there's nobody there except himself, the bartender, and a wee leprechaun.

"Bartender! Send a drink down the bar to my friend." The bartender does what he's told. Before the man finishes his drink, the leprechaun belts back his drink, jumps up onto the bar, and walks over to the guy.

He stands there with his hands on his hips and gives a big 'raspberry' all over the guy's face, turns around then walks back to his seat.

"What the hell?!??!" The guy is thinking to himself. He wipes off his face. "Bartender! Another round for us." The bartender shoves a drink in front of the guy, and slides one down to the wee leprechaun.

As before, the guy is about to finish his drink when he spies the leprechun belting his drink down hard. The wee fellow jumps up onto the bar, walks down in front of the guy, stands with his hands on hips, and gives him a big 'raspberry' right in the face; thoroughly soaking him.

"What in good blazes are you trying to pull here? Okay buddy, if you do that ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna take you over my knee and give you a paddling!" The leprechaun doesn't say a word, and back to his seat he goes.

A few minutes later, our Hero drills the bartender for another round. He's keeping a good eye on his friend now.

Holy crap.. the defiant little dart just walloped back his drink and heading in his direction again. He stands in front of the guy.

"Don't you dare.....I'm warning you....." But too late. Out blasts the 'raspberry' again.

"That's friggin it!!!! I've had it!!!" He rips the wee leprechaun down from his post, puts him over his knees, yanks down the leprechauns pants...and prepares to whack his arse....but...something is missing?

He pulls the leprechaun up to his face and asks him, "I was gonna paddle yer arse, and I notice you don't have any 'plumbing'. How the hell do you go to the bathroom?"

The wee leprechaun puts his hands on his waist, and gives the guy a 'raspberry'.

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How to elicit sympathy:

Pretend to be sick. Cover mouth with hand and run to the bathroom.
Secretly fill a glass of water up.
Stand over toilet, and make loud gagging/retching noises.
After each retching session...lololol...pour water from high up into the toilet. SPLASH SPLASH
When done, go to sink and splash face with water.
Prepare a 'drawn-out' look on your face.
Go and meet your sympathizers!