Freakin' Aliens Mutilatin' Cows And Stuff.....

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'............. I was listenin' to some really cool news program on my fancy RCA transistor radio. Like it was talkin' about UFO's and aliens and stuff. And like the way those sneaky aliens are mutilatin' cows and stuff. Like it must really suck bein' a cow. So I says to myself, Self? If I was a cow, how would I protect myself from those sneaky aliens?

Hmmmmmmmmm............ How to protect myself if I was a cow............Hmmmmmmmm............... Yep, I wouldn't want a sneaky alien mutilatin' me and stuff........


Hmmmmmmm...................

C'mon brain, you gotta do some fancy thinkin' and stuff.............

Hmmmmmmmm.................

Like maybe hang out with a million other cows! Yep, and hang out in the center of that herd, that way those sneaky aliens couldn't catch me! But I hate the way cows smell, and I wouldn't want to be near any other cows. Plus like if all those other cows kept mooin' at me and stuff, I'd be pretty mad and stuff. Nope not perfect.

Hmmmmmmm............

C'mon brain..........
Let's see - those sneaky aliens only do their mutilatin' at night and stuff......

Wait! I got it! Yeah!

I'd get like a really cool cow Ninja suit! Yeah! And like I'd wear that really cool black cow Ninja suit every night, and I'd lay out in the middle of a really big and dark field! That way when those sneaky aliens came - They wouldn't be able to see me! Yeah! Hold on! Like I'd sharpen my really long Cow horns so they were really sharp and pointy and stuff! And like when I saw those sneaky aliens land and they're walkin' around thinkin' they're so cool, lookin' for cows, I could do some really cool Cow Ninja sneakin' and stuff and get right behind those aliens. Then I'd use my really long, sharp, and pointy cow horn and show that sneaky alien how we use probes here on earth! I bet that sneaky alien would be so surprised! I bet he'd be thinkin' "Man, that is one clever Ninja Cow! We better get out of here!" Yeah! It's perfect!

Oh Brain, you've done it again.........

Lombozo, don't you know what the cows really are? Why the aliens are always mutilating them & stuff?

The cows are the secret evil overlords of the universe. Yeah. They run the whole place. They enslaved those gray aliens a long time ago, and now the aliens got free and are taking their revenge on the bovine scum for millennia of oppression. The cows tried to stop the aliens from probing us and so the grays are mad.

See, the grays need to understand how, if the cows are the overlords of the universe, we keep and eat them. That's why they abduct and probe people. They don't understand how we don't understand when the cows tell us "moo" they're really saying, "Hey, stop slaughtering and eating us, unevolved earth scum."

The grays are afraid the cows are going to break away from us and re-enslave THEM. So they're trying to find out how we're immune to the cow mind-control rays they emanate with all that methane they produce.

I hate cows. But they sure taste good.

Yeah, my grandfather used to have a cow. I never trusted that cow. Like he was always givin' me dirty looks and stuff. And hhe would always be chewin'. Like a waitress with a mouthful of gum. Yep just standin' there chewin'. I was glad when granpa turned him into a nice steak. I laughed and laughed when I ate that steak.

I also hate aliens though. Yep, If I ever saw an alien, I'd go up and punch him in his big head.

Ninja cow? Better than a holy cow! BAZING!

What if the alien looked like your mother? Could you still punch it? I know I couldn't if I saw an alien that looked like my mother...body snatchers anyone?

It is horrible how the mutilations happen. I think it is possible that they are splicing dna from both human and bovine to create a world of half cow half man....:w:

That would mean those poor mancows would actually BE what they EAT.

Soylent green is moooooooooo.