The Unforgiven

A point in my life where I have been spit on, shoved to the gravel without a hand in return.. Waiting on an uplifting moment.. Seeking the world secrets, here in lies the answers.. I can't keep playing games.. And they all want me to, they just want me to, settle down.. I've lost the patience I was given with my solitary confinement.. Lockedown with the truth, a truth that wasn't to be released. I cry eveynight, praying to a god I didn't have... Hope is just another word.. Like hate.. An alternative for anger or fear.. I stare I glare.. My sight's set in thin air, there's nothing there.. Nothing but the soft voices of other people who also wish they had theirs.. The tears wouls splash so hard I could almost swim in my own demise.. It was wonderfull.. I was with everything I hated.. They spoke to me.. What do I do? Shall I speak back? What? No! I continue my day as all day and at night I began to fight, with everything that opposed and everyone in my dreams. There is a fact that I react, to these little things that we dismiss, and over all I begin the fall, nothing is like what it seems..

I sat there, with my black cap on backwards, staring at all of the other residents.. They killed me with stares and soft whispers. All I could do was assume what had been mentioned. I had my own back, and a world on my shoulders.. They continued to dribble the basketball, when suddenly a somalian kid kicks this wnba basketball at my face.. If the matrix existed at all, it would have been at that time.. A ball going 45ph, I slightly titlted my head, but not too fast. I look up at him with no emotion on my face, the stare of ......nothing..... He looks back, with great fright..
I'm asked if i'm alright, yes... You sure? Positive! Fade to Black..

Shunned, engulfed in flames.. A fireball of solitude. I feel the burn, and then the stink.. When your feeling down, your stuck in the clouds.

It's better to burn out than to fade away.. I'd rather you hate me for who I am, rather than love me for who i'm not...
Soothing these wounds...I eat the ash and break away from chains
I then puke dust, it reveals what this life contains
The combat boots are worn old.. The bones I mind are decaying..
My love in life is sold.. I turn my back, betrayed..
This is my last stand..I fall to my knees..I play in sand..I've obtained nothing but the fleas.. I seek nothing but the truth, and I swallo my dreams... Requiem..

I'm sitting at work smoking a cigarette, drained as a mother******. Tired,Bored, and yet of use. I worked at **** **** Cemetery. I mow right over peoples graves, it's not the most beautiful thing. So far i've seen atleast three people cremated and accidentally ruined like six grave stones, damn that's awful. Can't wait until work is over. Oh yea, I switched from Trazadone to Ambiem XL. Doesn't seem too much of a difference, just that Ambien kicks in a **** of a lot faster. I'm just waiting for the zobmies to over run the city now. I would most likely be one of the first killed.. [Bits from personal Journal]

I'm bushed tonight.. BUSHED BUSHED GEORGE DUBYA BUSHED WHACKED..

So can anyone here actually forgive someone who ruined your life?
Or can you forgive yourself for blaming someone for ruining your life? Either way, it's all the same.. Someone needs to be blamed right? The needs to be some sort of scapegoat for everything.. Atleast you ATS people would lend a helping hand if someone is in need. Yet, there is also those 'vastly superior' ATS members who believe in everything that "THEY" say, and don't give a bottom feeder a second chance.. I'm rambling in a relationship forum.. Oh well.. I'm venting myself in a healthy way right? It's not like i've got a gun, and the next unlucky rabits I see are going to be nothing but lucky feet for me!! Contradicting rabbits.. Unlucky, but they have the lucky foot.. Only the wise know how to catch an unlucky rabbit and make it lucky

[edit on 28-2-2007 by MadSeason313]