(DOC) The dark side of commercials, page 1

“Well?”
“Hold on! Im still choosing.”
“Chris there are only two options! Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?”
“Now give me a minute this is not a race.”
“Oh my-”
“Just be patient this is a delicate situation!”
“How Chris? How is this a delicate situation??”
“Because, the order in which I receive the news will have a serious effect on my mood.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well lets say that I choose to hear the good news first. After listening to the good news, my mood should be a bit more cheerful than it normally is. Am I right?”
“I guess.”
“Ok so then I am in a cheerful mood. Just to make it easier to understand lets say this ‘cheerful’ state is a 7 on a scale of 1 through 10, 1 being the most depressing and 5 being fairly normal. So now I am at a 7 cheerful mood and ill go ‘ok let me hear the bad news now I think I can take it!’.The theory is that my mood will become a bit more depressed after hearing the bad news. I am assuming that the bad news lowers my mood by a couple of points. But, since my mood was already better than normal, it should bring me back down to around a 5, my average mood. Therefore, my mood stays the same as it was before I heard both the good and the bad news!”
“ Wow did you just make all that up? You really need to stop thinking so much about these things.”
“Ha-ha maybe your right.”
“So…the good news first then right?”
“ I don’t know yet.”
“What the heck?? You just gave me an essay on why you should choose the good news! What’s the problem now?”
“ Well I have been thinking.”
“Are you going to take another 5 minutes to explain why you shouldn’t choose the good news?”
“Yup. Ok so this would only work if the good news is more of a good thing than the bad news is of a bad thing.”
“I did not understand a single word of what you just said...”
“Is the bad news REALLY bad? Or is it so-so bad?”
“So-so bad.”
“What about the good news? Really good or so-so good?”
“I would have to say it’s pretty darn good!”
“Ok so lets do this: Give me the bad news first. Since I know that the good news will be really good, then ill just be like ‘Oh that sucks, but at least I still got that really good news coming up soon!’ and I wont take it as bad.”
“Um ok…so the bad news first?”
“Yeah. Hit me!”
“ Ok. Well the bad news is that I ran over your dog while coming in to your drive way.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Yeah man sorry.”
“ How the hell was that so-so bad news? You killed my dog!”
“ Well. I didn’t completely run him over and he wasn’t dead yet. I was hoping that we could save him if we got him to a vet immediately. But no use trying that now that you took half an hour deciding whether you wanted the good news or the bad news first.”
“Oh my god I cant believe this is happening.I had that dog for 6 years!”
“Im so sorry. Im going to make it up to you! I will buy you a new dog. A better one!”
“ For Christ sakes John just go get sparky I have to see him.”
“Ok wait right here!”
“ Fine. Oh hold on John just tell me what the good news was I could really use it right about now.”
“Ive just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO!”
“You son of a *%&!”