The Parrot

My cousin told this to me years ago. Here goes:


One day a lady was walking down the street with a parrot on her shoulder. This kid comes up and says, "Nice parrot you got there!"

The lady says, "Thank you. You can keep him for the weekend if you make him learn three sentences."

So the kid goes down the street with the parrot on his shoulder.

At any rate, down the street a ways, there's a traffic jam, and this driver caught in it says, "Screw this--I'm going home!"

The parrot memorized that sentence.

Down a little further, a guy was taking a leak in the middle of the road and a car whizzed by him. The guy says, "That stupid thing almost hit me!"

The parrot memorized that sentence.

Further down there were these hippies with a mule stuck in the middle of the road and one of them says, "Poke 'er in the rear, she'll move."

The parrot memorized that sentence.

The parrot had to go to court that day. The jury was taking its sweet time deliberating, and the parrot squawked, "Screw this--I'm going home!"

The judge threw a book at him and the parrot shrieked, "That stupid thing almost hit me!"

As people were going out the door after the trial a fat woman fainted in the doorway and the parrot advised, "Poke 'er in the rear--she'll move."