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Love(Poem)

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posted on May, 11 2005 @ 04:16 PM
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Hello,
This is just a poem i wrote today during my english class while i wasnt paying attention, lol.....i took about 7 minutes on it too. It actually turned out quite nice, so i figured i could post it in here. Hope ya'll like it....

Highest of Beauties,
yet most ignored,
while hate may destroy,
it remains and only grows.
Through the stars it ever expands,
it holds all together,
it keeps us alive.
This eternal emotion,
more powerful than all.
The essence of the light, (




posted on May, 12 2005 @ 06:16 AM
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I liked your Love poem alot, one pointer though is you shouldn't of chosen to place the word hate where you did, as it emphasises hate throughout the poem being cherished and Love is dismayed.

On the other hand you might of deliberately put it there for the true effect of what can happen with love.

All in all good work. I look forward to reading more.



posted on May, 12 2005 @ 06:42 AM
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Thanks Omega, i didnt think about the hate part, its simply meant to point out the exact antithesis of love, hate. The poem starts aggain, with "it" which refers again to love, and hate is not mentioned anymore thruout the poem. How about this small edit?

Highest of Beauties,
yet most ignored,
while hate may destroy,
love remains and only grows.
Through the stars it ever expands,
it holds all together,
it keeps us alive.
This eternal emotion,
more powerful than all.
The essence of the light, ( term for God)
the creator of all!

Hmm, it should still sound good if you say it right. Did you think the last line was ok? "the creator of all" That was actually referring to God, but it might, could be mistaken for love. I may try to place how important love is whend dealing with God some more. When i first wrote the poem it ended like this,
"The path to the light,
beginning of all."
Here it is referring the fact that love is the true path to the light, or God, and not only that it is the beginning of all. This time the last line is actually referring to love, however and can sort of refer to God as well.
Thanks for the comments,
Dani



posted on May, 14 2005 @ 05:06 AM
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I didn't get that at all out of the placement of the word "hate" Personally, i'd say leave it. I thought your poem "Love"sounded very regal, mainly because of the first line.

Thefourth line "love remains and only grows", doesn't flow quite as well as the rest. I would suggest omitting the word "and" somehow.

Possibilities:
love remains, only grows
love remains, it only grows

Otherwise, I thought it was well written. Keep up the good work



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 06:50 AM
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i liked it alot,
excellent work here. Great stuff



posted on May, 22 2005 @ 09:44 PM
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Hey there,
Allrighty, i was listening to this CD called Tweaker the other day, and on one of the songs i think it started out something like this.
It's hard to love,
Just hold on hard,
just keep it inside...etc.
And i heard this and i was like "Hey! i can make a poem out of that!
And so heres what i wrote, im not sure its actually in any sort of correct poetic format, but oh well, i just kinda started writing. I dont even like poems usually though, im not sure why im writing them. Actually ive always hated poems....oh well!
lol
It's hard to love,
just hold on hard,
just keep it inside,
and you'll see why!
This holy thing,
gives life to all.
Out of love,
Creation spawned.
Do not be sad,
just love your life.
Love your breath,
love your eyes,
love your body,
and love your mind.
Learn to love,
returned or not.

You are here to experience,
so why not love a while.

THe End

Okay, critiques please, how was that one? loli kinda like it personally....but then again, i wrote it.

-Dani





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