When You're Seventy

I was standing at the bar at the VFW last night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my butt and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches, but

When you’re seventy...who cares?

----

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me three-pack of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'..."

When you’re seventy...who cares?

----

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but

When you’re seventy...who cares?

----

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really," she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but

When you’re seventy...who cares?

----

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...who cares?

----

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but

When you’re seventy...who cares?

a reply to: Deplorable

I can see why you are deplorable.

a reply to: Deplorable

#MeToo?

a reply to: Deplorable

We were getting ready for a party, my mother in law said she was going to go get herself beautiful, without missing a beat, my father in law said "See you in ten years".

Old folks are the best

Those jokes were freaking hilarious! Hahaha

The hell with that...when I'm 70...I will look like this..



Then I will handle as many breasts as I still can

I think Trump has the correct action when you are seventy.

Why beat around the forest?

Just grab 'em by the ... .

But the President can't tell a joke without having snowflakes fall from the heavens.

P