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How do you build trust?

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posted on Dec, 15 2004 @ 08:18 AM
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If you've already broken it?

For those of you that have broken the sacred seal what have you done to try and make amends?

Of course time is a great healer but besides time what have you done to prove yourself to your loved one?




posted on Dec, 21 2004 @ 07:58 AM
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that in my experience chances are slim to none.

Trust is the rarest commodity on this particular planet. Rarer even than love. It's like a bank account, and you've made a huge withdrawal transaction in the account you share with someone else. Now, if you make no further withdrawals, you will accrue more trust by a tiny, tiny bit of interest payments over decades.

You can also perform meritorious acts and make "deposits" into your mutual trust account. You do this by being trusted with smaller scale responsibilities that you manage not to **** up. Hint: don't ever say "trust me." That line is only used by cheaters, con men, mafiosi, and politicians.

The reason that your chances are so slim is because the relationship is now on an unequal footing. The other person is now the "judge," and every mistake you pull from here on out will be seen as further evidence of your cheatin' heart. You'll be expected to "prove" yourself worthy, but no matter how well you do, it won't matter because they no longer "trust" you.

* * *

My advice is an "affirmative defense." You admit that you acted with the morals of an enron-executive, but that "it wasn't me," and give one or more of the following explanations:

1. I was really, really high. Oh my God! what did I do while I was out of it!?

2. I've been meaning to talk to you about this. I think I might be gay (or straight, depending) and I was trying to re-affirm my sexuality. Will you come to therapy with me???

3. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. The death of (name of closest person to you that has ever died) is still affecting me. I guess I've never really come to terms with their death.

4. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that life seems to pointless, lately. I never do anything right. (begin sobbing) It seems like nothing really matters, like my life has no point or meaning, as if death is the only way out. (Start shrieking here, and do so until you're admitted to the "D" wing.)


Like I said, unless you have consummate acting abilities . . .



[edit on 21-12-2004 by dr_strangecraft]



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 10:49 AM
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Originally posted by dr_strangecraftMy advice is an "affirmative defense." You admit that you acted with the morals of an enron-executive, but that "it wasn't me," and give one or more of the following explanations:

1. I was really, really high. Oh my God! what did I do while I was out of it!?

2. I've been meaning to talk to you about this. I think I might be gay (or straight, depending) and I was trying to re-affirm my sexuality. Will you come to therapy with me???

3. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. The death of (name of closest person to you that has ever died) is still affecting me. I guess I've never really come to terms with their death.

4. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that life seems to pointless, lately. I never do anything right. (begin sobbing) It seems like nothing really matters, like my life has no point or meaning, as if death is the only way out. (Start shrieking here, and do so until you're admitted to the "D" wing.)
[edit on 21-12-2004 by dr_strangecraft]


Ok do not listen to this guy (no offence) and dont do 4 unless your like me and DYING to get into a mental hospital (not because im crazy but because I really want to bang against the padded walls...it'd be fun...wait maybe I am crazy...I DONT NOOOOO!) but what I would do is apologize to her, if she doesnt forgive and give you a second chance either your not good enough and you did something really stupid or shes not good enough for you. Unless you did something EXTREMELY stupid I would give you one last chance...dont blow it if she does



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 11:12 AM
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LoL, now does the same apply for the opposite sex??
Me, being female.



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 11:17 AM
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...See I knew that...ok than things change

Tell the guy your very sorry and if he doesnt take you back get someone else and make him jelous



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 01:00 PM
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Originally posted by darkwolf3636
...See I knew that...ok than things change

Tell the guy your very sorry and if he doesnt take you back get someone else and make him jelous


That worked when I was about 16...

We're working on it... I think Christmas time and all his presents brought him closer to me... I bought the ones that would make sure he did...
plus we're married so I can't just go out and get a new man.



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 01:01 PM
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Originally posted by TrueLies
plus we're married so I can't just go out and get a new man.


Yes you can...



posted on Dec, 29 2004 @ 01:32 PM
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It really depends on the level of trust broken, TL.

For example, making a promise to pick up his mother from the airport and then forgetting to do so could well cause him to say that he would never trust you again. The level of trust lost in this situation would be minimal and it shouldn't take too much time to return to the its original state.

A serious breach of trust (having an affair for example) can never really be healed. Yes, in that situation the hurt party could learn to trust again but there would always be an underlying fear of 'maybe he/she will do it again'.

As you say, time does heal many things, and I will add 'only time will tell'



posted on Apr, 30 2012 @ 09:00 PM
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(Yes......the resurrector of the dead is at it again Gazrok.........bear with me, I've been writing all day and I'm a bit tired right now.)

Originally posted by TrueLies

How do you build trust.........If you've already broken it?



You don't. Unless the person whose trust was broken is gullible.

It's never good if person A breaks the trust of person B. If person B didn't have trust issues before, they do now.

Trust is very heavy handed even if you think it's not important to you. It always is whether you want to recognize it or not. Some relationships aren't really centered around it, but that's not to say that it isn't always there, right under the surface, ready to expose itself when you least expect it. Because it is. Relationships like that, that don't really take stock of how important trust is, never really seem to work out. And if they do, the couple seems to be phoning it in everyday. Doing what they need to to stay together because it seems like the right thing to do. Some people are just on that level.

Other people though build a friendship based on trust. That's the foundation for the relationship and that's where the love grows from. Trust. To me, that's the real deal. You can't get a relationship better than that, where trust and love go hand in hand. When you have something that cohesive, that solid, nothing can break that bond.

Until of course, death do us part.

The strength of a relationship like that doesn't really come in keeping it together. You have to be strong to build a relationship like that to begin with, and that's what keeps it together. The strength that you both put into it by trusting each other when you didn't need to. You wanted to. For whatever reason, trust was the driving force that built the friendship. Friendships like that grow into relationships by a matter of course. A matter of trust. It gets more natural as time goes by. It gets easier. It gets to the point where hurting your significant other is hurting yourself. And what easier way is there to love someone then...........simply loving them?






posted on May, 17 2012 @ 01:36 AM
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reply to post by Taupin Desciple
 


Thanks. I think you said what I really needed to hear. I've been making a lot of progress with being able to trust other people and talking to people socially and at the start of this summer I almost regressed back where I was 2 years ago. I was really paranoid that all my friends might ditch me. That did not turn out to be true. I did act on my paranoia with this one girl I like though... the old me kind of crept up back right out of myself and went to her, whereas the new me, I would normally relax and take things slowly. I'm back to the normal me now. The old me seems to want to come back out when I am not expecting it.

It makes more sense to view trust as an ever evolving concept that changes and gets easier over time than something that evaporates and goes away in one little thing like a text message.
edit on 17-5-2012 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)





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