anyone else isolated?

The way my family always put it is if we didn't love you we wouldn't tease you. If were not teasing you then that's when you should start to worry. Kind of a backwards kindergarten crush type of ideology but hey least it keeps things interesting. I've noticed over the years that alot of people seem to have adopted that mind state whether its for better or worse. At most of my jobs it seemed like people were being rude at first so I killed then with kindness and got back at then with teasing a little after that and it seemed to break the ice and now most days their provoking me to make a stupid joke or say something crazy because they love my sense of humor.
I'm one of the people who would rather be left alone and not bothered though so when I do get isolated I embrace it and count my blessings that I get to relax in silence and think about the things that,are important to me. Test the waters and see what their intentions are and see for yourself if its for better or worse to be by yourself there.

a reply to: introspectionist

I'm usually isolated because of my anxiety, I tend to get tongue tied around people within the workplace or without and I usually cop flak for it, and when I finally muster the courage to show my true self then I will be mocked for that as well.

Pity those sheep who will follow the shepherd. And remember that you are there to work, not to make friends-and if your workmates are willing to isolate you then they probably wouldn't make very good friends.

originally posted by: Ismail
Well I'm not isolated at all, but I read your thread, and saw that it did'nt have any answers. Before the terrible looming irony set in, I decided to pop in and say : hang on in there !

.... And about ten different people answered you before me. ATS looks out for its own !

You shouldn't be so quick to criticize others that are trying to help the OP, you basically said the same thing everyone else did yet you made it sound like you were more 'in touch' with the OP than the others!
My feelings about how to deal with it is not to try too hard to be accepted, I have seen people go out of their way to inject themselves into other 'little' groups. Be yourself and do your job and people will accept you!
A lot of people are attracted to people that are fairly quiet and keep to themselves, I started working at a company and was tired of the drama from the place I left so I decided I would be the 'mystery' man and not make it a point to strike up conversations and such, I even brought in magazines for breaks and sat by myself, pretty soon, people were coming over to talk and it wasn't long before 'we' had a large group that we had a lot of fun kidding each other and when I left they threw a going away party and I was there less than a year.
It works, just don't feel like YOU HAVE to have a large following and people do seem attracted to that personality.
Good luck and we are always here for you.

a reply to: introspectionist

I am being teased a lot but I don't care much about that. From day one they seemed to scheme behind my back to eat lunch everyone together except me. When I tried to eat with them a couple of times they did all kinds of tricks to avoid me. Now I just let them eat together laughing and joking while I go to a restaurant nearby on my own. The food is a lot better than the crap they eat so jokes on them.

Why must you be a part of a group?

Especially a group that makes you feel as such.

Be an individual, you say you are spiritual and like to insinuate you are awake and aware from what I have read in the past so I am confused as person that is only slightly awake has the power to overcome any group thinking and not be affected in such way as you describe by any negative interaction with said group thinking.

I have a feeling they hate me because I'm more evolved, but maybe that's just delusion of grandeur.

Well with such an elitist attitude many might hate you or its a delusions of grandeur that you are any more evolved than any other human walking this planet.

You might be more aware or awake to who you are and what your purpose is here and now but that is not something someone with an acute awareness would point out or gloat about.

That's what I kind of told myself when they isolated me because it feels better than they isolate me because I'm retarded or dirty or mentally disordered. Anyway, I always had social problems to one degree or another, always had low social competence.

so there it is,

You are not being isolated you are being egotistical and others maybe don't pay that much attention to what you do and because your ego is a little larger than you might realize it deceives you by making you believe you are being isolated in which you are but its of your own doing and extremely hard to see unless you step out of your own shoes and look at yourself from another perspective.

Hi Introspectionist,

I would offer you a different route than the others here.

I'm not really sure why you would be the butt of jokes or why people wouldn't want to have you around them for lunch....

There is a possibility that you are the odd person out in a group - that happens occasionally to people - just that the reasons can only be guessed by us on the net, unless one/some of us met you in that situation.

I'd rather hope that it wasn't because you were a bad apple, but possibly because the others were - but if you aren't a bad apple - then it is a good thing - sometimes it's a Ku Klux Klan issue - well that is an exaggerated extreme - but something of what I meant.

I would try a toastmasters club - these people are usually pretty good at helping people learn social skills - in addition to public speaking - though, what you would like to learn is up to you. I'm not saying you have/haven't got the social skills, but it might be a litmus test to see what you are missing, if you are missing something. If you go through the process of coffee table chit chat learning at a toastmasters club, and they can't really identify anything wrong with you... you might be the good apple.

If you can do without the company of the others then, it might make for a good situation for you.

a reply to: introspectionist

First thing to do is get a personality test suite performed. By doing so you'll find whether you are doomed or you need to go live in a cave.
While this is a bit of a jest, my own experience is that, until this year, I did not know that my personality PRECLUDES many from liking me. The personality type I am is strongly independent (luckily) and not really concerned with acceptance. Sheldon Cooper on Paxil.

Not being accepted by people who feel inferior, no matter how you are acting, is normal. Everybody wants to feel good. In a society that breeds competition in nearly everything, most people can not contest. There is only so much room at the top. So they construct littler provinces, mentally or physically, that they can reign in, singularly or en masse. Joining a group or making one are the normal techniques of socializing.

Being the odd man out is not abnormal. Staying this way is unless it's a result of a choice made by you. If it's not your choice to remain isolated then you need to repair and amend yourself.

The other folks replying have that handled.

Are you are an Introvert? I am, and until recently I spent my whole life wondering why I felt left out all the time. Well I am left out, but part of me doesn't and hasn't cared. Now I understand I am an Introvert and it actually wears me out to be around other people all the time. I prefer to be alone most of the time.

If you are not an introverted person, then the isolation is probably making you very unhappy. Is it possible you could have done something that was taken the wrong way?

Good luck to you!!

Ha... I'm isolated in life... I live in a town where I know absolutely no-one, I have no friends, no family, nothing... How do I deal with it? Well firstly I find I talk to myself alot XD...I also have the internet, I work online and I do have online friends but you know just not the same really is it.

At least you see real humans most days lol Be thankful of that

This thread inspired me to speak of the problem with a couple of co-workers that I do feel close to.
Their perceptions were interesting. There is a rather large group of people who seem to hate me, and even one girl who is constantly setting up "traps" for me, sabotaging the work I do, and blaming mistakes she makes on me, to the boss.

The few allies I have were able to help me understand what is going on with them- what they say and feel about me.
It seems I have been going about things the wrong way in trying to make things okay with them.

I work extremely hard and am very meticulous when working. I do not judge the others work- I am concerned only with self discipline. Yet they still feel a certain pressure to do the same, and assume I am working so hard precisely to make them feel bad!

There are ways I am very independant, which may be normal for americans, but not for the social minded french- they find it surprising that I hike alone, I ride my horse alone, I follow a strict exercise program alone. This makes them feel like I don't need anyone else and perhaps, don't like being with others!

I am in a different financial situation....I drive up in a BMW suv, I take vacations on the other side of the world, I go to parties with very affluent people, my husband makes more money than I think they can imagine. I do not flaunt this, but at the beginning, I was not aware of how different their lives were, and I made no attempt to hide it either.


Add all that to the fact that I am american, which stirs feelings of admiration/hatred, perception of force and power, associated with my country. For a while, they called me the Terminator- which really hurt my feelings- but is really their impression of american culture.

They feel overwhelmed and jealous, intimidated. It was weird to hear the word one of the women used- that I am respected.... hard for me to see respect instead of hatred in their behavior!

Now, my situation may not be the same as yours, but there may be something we could both consider in this lesson-
showing weakness, faults, shortcomings, neediness, could be important in giving others an opening to bond with you?

You might seem too self sufficient, when you just adapt to their choices as lunch and head out on your own.
Do you allow yourself to make mistakes an ask others for help? Or expose your struggles and challenges in life?

Perhaps it could help people soften up towards you if you let them have an opening, let them see spaces of need that they can fill.... everyone likes to feel needed or useful to another!

I just am trying to collaborate with you, on finding solutions to the problem we have in common, throwing ideas out on the table as they arise! Hang in there, and don't get discouraged! I do value individuality, but I think it is unrealistic to claim we don't all have a social animal within that needs to be part of something larger than ourself.

originally posted by: introspectionist
Are there any other adults here that are ostracized/isolated at work or school or wherever it is you are?

How do you deal with it? Just go along to get along? I'm isolated at work, and I don't understand why. It irritates me sometimes. I'm thinking of quitting and finding another job.

I think you feel isolated because you are now at that point that you must start to understand your place and relationship with God/universe. You feel isolated because that is how you must feel in order to make the final understanding that we are all one ethereal creature, that your isolation is the path to understanding that you can not be isolated. Our connections are more than real.

The key is to not care about the opinions of others. Your current life is too short to give a damn about any of that #. When you give up caring about what other people think, you can think clearly for yourself.