Anyone know the answer?

This is slightly unbelievable, but a true story: My fiance died one year ago due to childbirth complications, however I did end up with a beatiful baby girl named GRACE. I was in need of help in order to take care of her and my sister was nice enough to care for GRACE until I got back on my feet. I am now relocated to a new town and a new job. I have worked very hard physically, emotionally and spiritually to get back on track and start a new life. I have a great new lady in my life and things are looking up. I recently approached my sister with the thought that I am now ready to take my daughter on a full time basis and she said "NO". It seems that she has grown attached to my daughter and refuses to give her up now. I am well aware of my legal options because I am deep in the law enforcement community. My question to you is a moral one: Do I exercise my legal rights and take my daughter back (probably being disowned by my sister and parents in the process), or do I let my daughter stay with my sister (the only mom Grace has ever known) and break my own heart in the process? Before you choose the easy answer and take "the diplomatic route", forget it. My sister has made it clear that it is all or nothing-no joint custody or anything like that. Anyone out there who wants to give me the majic cure for this problem???????????????????///

some things need to be answered..

How old is your daughter?
How much care have you provide for your daughter, both in time and monetary
How old is your sister in relation to you and does she haev any kids over he own?

If your sister is making it all or nothing, I think you all should seek a professional consuler to sort things out. You are the father and deserve to be part of her life, but the sister aslo from the sounds of it has a major part in her development also

My daughter is one, my sister is 41 and I am 37. I do not provide any care for my daughter because my sister will not allow it. My daughter gets a monthly check from her deceased mother's social security for about $570.00 and most of that goes to pay for the babysitter.

As far as counseling for us, that's out of the question. My sister has shut me out of her life and will not even answer my phone calls. That's what makes this so complicated. I used to be very close to my sister until this became an issue. Now she has become a different person and I don't know her. I would like to find a solution where I could be with my daughter and still remain close to my sister, but it seems that it is going to have to be one or the other. Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions, but I am still at a loss.

hi Blueknight,
i feel for you,thats a tough situation and one no person should have to be in.....i dont think theres a magic cure for it or a quick answer,but if this helps you at all then i would try and not worry about your parents point of view,they will make a desicion one way or another whatever you do,just try and explain via an e-mail or letter that your now strong enough to take on the responsibility of your child as your own and that with her being so young this is the perfect time for this to start,youve had enough heartbreak in your life and dont need anymore,your sisters helping out was only what any normal human being should be able to expect from their immediate family and her behaviour of not even answering your phonecalls is making the problem of re-allocating her niece to her rightfull place with you her farther, trying to fill a gap in her own life with another persons child is no answer to this situation.
Let your parents talk to her about what she is doing, they stand more of a chance of negociating your sister re-uniting you with your daughter,dont forget your own mothers love for you is conditionless,she would have to be very strange to not see what you want is the right thing to do.
Personally dont mention court proceedings unless you absoloutley have to,i believe you still have a great chance of your sister seeing the right thing to do.....let your parents apply the relevent 'levearage' and talk her into seeing the advantage of having a beautiful niece grow up with an auntie that obviously loves her very much.........shes performed a role any man should be able to ask from his sister but that role is now finished,its time to take on the role of auntie.

good luck mate,i hope you get this resolved....whatever happens....you will never loose your daughter!

Thanks, Fett. I appreciate the support and kind words.

man....this is a tough situation to be in! think of it like this....if you were the daughter, and 20 yrs from now she meets you face to face....will the excuse that your sister didn't let you see her be a good one....? i'm not judging you in anyway....just something to think about....also if your sister is already blocking you out.....then how could this possibly get worse if you were take action legaly as the father? she would not talk to you again? sounds like that is the case already. whatever you decide to do i wish you good luck and offer this.....follow your heart
HoundDog

Wow that's a very difficult situation. I think you should ask yourself what's best for your daughter. If you think your sister would be a great mother for your daughter, and if you think there's a good chance you'll get to raise a child of your own anyway, then I would let your sister keep the child. However, if you think you would be a better parent than she, or if you think you will never raise a child unless you raise the daughter you already have, then I would definitely take back your child by any means necessary. Sure it sucks to be disowned by your family, and to never speak with your sister again, but think of the worser things that could happen. Perhaps your daughter will be raised poorly and suffer her whole life because you didn't raise her. Perhaps you will never be a father if you don't raise your daughter. I personally fear the possibility that I could be 70 years old, single, and worst of all have no children to continue my legacy, or to take care of me, or keep me company.

What a horrible situation!

My opinion is you should definitely fight for your daughter, if you really believe you are capable of taking care of her. Honestly, I think your sister is being selfish and putting her needs before the child's.

There are enough ways to screw up a kid. Abandonment issues are not something this little girl needs to be saddled with for the rest of her life, just because your sister is 'attached' to her.

I obviously don't know the whole story. I know a portion of people would not discuss their own faults as a parent on a website with possible court proceedings in the visible future.

Not to be cold hearted, and perhaps we don't need all the details, but are you sure your sister has no reason to feel you would be unfit as a father?

If not, and it was my sister here is what options I would consider, if reconciling is lost cause.

Have a long conversation with a mirror, to know how you truly feel.

Consider taking it to court.

DEMAND my sister write a letter stating why she would not let me have my child, seal it, and keep it for when my child grew up, to prove her Aunt decided that her father would not have a place in her life. That should get your sister's brain thinking of the future consequences of keeping the girl she loves from her father.

Voice dissipointment with my family members for keeping my child from me.

Buy my daughter a few bottles of wine and alchohol for her graduation, prom, and 21st birthday, and any other future event you could think of no matter how it all turns out. That way she'll know what she meant to you when she was an infant, and know you had plans to share a life with her.

Keep the letter you make your sister/family write to explain their motives and reasoning why they chose to keep your daughter from you.

If you take it to court and your family dissowns you, change your last name and take off to live happily ever after without those who would keep your flesh and blood from you.

Nothing should come between family, not even family!