You're getting old when

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a gut to get those odds?

Old age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Old age is when you have topped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Old age is having a choice to two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You're getting old when 'getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head as they age.........with a hammer.

I'm not old. I woke up, lifted my arms, moved my knees, turned my neck and everything mad the same noise:

'CrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaccccccK!' I came to a conclusion: I am not old, I am just crispy!

Your know your getting old when you look at a Police officer and think to yourself 'when did they start letting kids into the Police'.

Or when you choosing your new car you go for comfort and economy, rather than style and performance.

You have become old when you read stuff like this, and agree with it.

How about when you stand in nightclub, look around, and start to feel out of place.

You're getting old when your motto becomes "Deny Incontinence".

beezzer
You're getting old when your motto becomes "Deny Incontinence".

But you're never too old to leave someone in stitches, what a great comment

You know when you're getting old when you lose hair on your scalp and gain hair on your back, it's like they know winter is coming and is migrating south.

I got a whole list of these that made me literally laugh out loud a few days back (on my birthday actually.... family... gotta love them) and had to go dig them up just for this thread.

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

5. Your children begin to look middle aged.

6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

15. Your back goes out more than you do.

17. Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you see a pretty girl.

18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

19. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

20. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

21. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

26. You are proud of your lawn mower.

27. Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.

28. You call Olan Mills before they call you.

29. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

30. You sing along with the elevator music.

31. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

32. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

33. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

34. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

35. You make an appointment to see the dentist.

36. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

37. Neighbors borrow your tools.

38. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

39. You have a dream about prunes.

40. You answer a question with, "because I said so."

41. You send money to PBS.

42. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

43. You take a metal detector to the beach.

44. You wear black socks with sandals.

45. You know what the word "equity" means.

46. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

47. Your ears are hairier than your head.

48. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

49. You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").

50. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

51. When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you're down there.

S&F for the laugh.

How about when you can remember things from very long ago, but cannot recall things that happened yesterday?

You're getting old when...
If you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, you're afraid you died in your sleep.

I'll just say that I watched President Kennedy's funeral procession live on the olde TV. But I still can't believe I'm that old.
Deny Old!

The other day I went out to eat and I was checking out this hot waiter. Then it took me a few minutes to realize that he was 10 years younger than me.

When the hell did that happen?

nixie_nox
The other day I went out to eat and I was checking out this hot waiter. Then it took me a few minutes to realize that he was 10 years younger than me.

When the hell did that happen?

My grandson was flattered, by the way.

LOLZ

beezzer

nixie_nox
The other day I went out to eat and I was checking out this hot waiter. Then it took me a few minutes to realize that he was 10 years younger than me.

When the hell did that happen?

My grandson was flattered, by the way.

LOLZ

LOL!! Does he have a pink nose and is fluffy?