Feedback on some original demo music? Please?

PLEASE USE HEADPHONES (if you want to hear the vocals)! THANKS!

On File at Copyright.gov
Registration Number / Date: SRu001142459 / 2013-11-12
Application Title: Songs by cjwimmers, volume 1.

soundcloud.com...

Lyrics posted in 2nd post.

PLEASE USE HEADPHONES! THANKS!

Hi all.

Critics welcome, as long as you aren't total meanies about it! If you aren't a rock-n-roller, you might not like these much.

I'm sick of asking family and friends about these simple demos I recorded/copyrighted last summer, because I don't believe half what anyone who knows me, tells me about them, and the other half says nothing. I know if certain types of music aren't your thing, you probably won't like it, regardless of how good it is to others who might like the genres of music you don't.

These are Hard Rock (like the classic hard rock of the 70s, with what I hope is a modern edge), Hard Rock-blues, and mellower rock, with one country-blues(???) tune thrown in at the end (to meet the challenge of a co-worker/friend, who said I wasn't squat til I did a country tune. lol).

This is my first attempt at recording by myself, in my apartment, doing the guitars, the lyrics, the vocals, the recording, the copyrighting. Ugh. I really just want to play my guitar, and I'm really tech illiterate when it comes to recording stuff. I learn as I go. My next set is already sounding much better than this one! Should have 10 more by next year. Why so sloppy? I don't want to be a recording artist. I just want to be a songwriter and putter around in my place jamming by myself instead of working.

I know there are technical flaws recording level wise with some of the demos, and I keep going if a tiny mistake wasn't enough to completely throw everything off. The distortion you hear in some of the songs is in the recording on my end, and isn't volume related on yours.

Just guitars/vocals, and a metronome beat to keep time, in about half the demos. No bass guitar or drums. Just too busy, and didn't need them for the purposes of this experiment.

Originally, I was only interested in recording the guitar, as I can't read/transcribe music, so after awhile I got tired of playing the 30 instrumentals I'd come up with on the guitar, so since I really liked the batch I'd created from 2011-2013, I decided to record them. Then the lyrics kinda just came out as I'd listen to the music after recording the first guitar. I don't like the sound of my voice, but I hit most of the notes, with some harmonies in the songs too.

Every odd numbered song is the hard rock variety, and the even numbered songs are mellower sounding. Some of the mellower songs are more like lullabyes and might put you to sleep even as they plead with you to wake up. The faster guitar solos on the hard stuff are shreds.

I'd love to hear some of my songs at the end of sci-fi/horror/action movies, as the credits start to roll. #5, "Don't Hate Me"...after I finished recording the guitars, it just reminded me of Ozzy, so I tailored the lyrics to kind of fit his schtick. I'd sell it to him for half price because I know he'd kill it. lol. #7 "Panic City" is my right-wing-surfer-music-anti-government/media-complex-anthem. I'd like to hear this song in a surfing video, especially the bridge/solo.

The lyrics? Eh...read into 'em whatever you want. I let the music dictate the chorus and mood of the lyrics, then write the verses based on the theme the chorus sets. I always create the first guitar, first, then mold the lyrics to the mood the music sets off in me. I apologize if anything in the lyrics offends anyone. The lyrics are a vehicle to sing the notes of the vocals. It was fun doing them for the first time, but please, don't read too much into anything. If something sounded good to me, i went with it, and didn't worry about if it would offend anyone, including myself. My lyrics are boyscout-ish and lame, by modern standards. But at least I found stuff to sing to the music.

I hope you like a few. Remember, if you don't like the harder stuff, the even numbered songs are mellower. You might like a few of those.

PLEASE USE HEADPHONES! You won't hear the vocals at all without them. I sang these in my apartment, and it's a quiet place in the central Illinois cornfields, and I couldn't project my voice nearly as loudly as I needed/wanted to. I tried to be as considerate as I could of my neighbors, even though half of them are noisy idiots.

So again...
PLEASE USE HEADPHONES! THANKS!
And please remember, these are just demos done by one guy, and my first try using the H4n Zoom recorder, so GMAB!

I'm much more interested in what you think of the arrangements/flow/and originality of sound, or lack thereof, than in discussing the technical flaws which I already know, backwards and forwards...wishing I knew then what I know now, but as I said I got done what I felt I wanted to get done with them, at this stage. I copyrighted them because a friend of mine was in a 5 man band and had their simple demos copyrighted, and won $250,000 (50,000 each) for their infringement case on a clearly stolen riff. Don't ask, can't discuss anything beyond that, as per the settlement agreement between them and the copyright violators. Not saying my stuff is worth ripping off, but it was only 35 bucks to copyright a boatload of songs, so better safe than sorry.


PLEASE USE HEADPHONES! THANKS! (I keep emphasizing this, because i keep asking people to listen with headphones, and they keep telling me they listened without headphones. lol. "Hey dood, the guitar kicked butt, but I couldn't hear the vocals too well..." Me: "Yeah, because you didn't listen with headphones like I asked!" Puts on headphones..."Oh yeah...that's way better..." lol. The vocals are still too low, but if you follow the lyrics as you listen, you'll hear the vocals fine, as long as you wear HEADPHONES for these demos. lol.

These weren't done in a pro studio, but in my apartment, on a digital recorder about the size of my TV remote with a leaky toilet and a noisy fridge and AC vents in the backround, and maybe even a cat sound or two.

Can I post MP3s here instead of the SoundCloud link?

Oh well, I'll start with the link, I guess.

Really wanting some feedback from people I don't know. Longtime mostly lurker, too busy to post much, but not too busy to lurk.

Most of these aren't happyhappy/joyjoy songs though, so if you're already depressed...

These 4 track demos were recorded using a BCRich VG2 guitar (about $450 new) a Peavey Vypyr 60 watt tube modeling amp ($550) and a H4n Zoom recorder, about $300 after tax, and my voice, which I hate (free).

Anyone out there who can walk me through, step by step, downloading songs from my H4n zoom to audacity for remix...etc... (or any other decent, hopefully free platform?) I'm highly computer/tech illiterate. Any help appreciated!

Honey

I'm coming home on time tonight
I promise I won't be long
Everything's gonna be alright
And then we'll sing our mating song

Chorus:
Honey
No don't you worry
Baby
No don't you worry
Honey
No don't you worry
Baby
No don't you worry

You'll find out soon my lady
You'll say yes, you won't say maybe
I'll find out soon enough myself
I know you're gonna send me straight to hell

Chorus

Bridge
No don'tcha worry
Don't you worry

I'll find out soon enough myself
I know you're gonna send me straight to hell

Chorus


****************************************************************

One Fine Day

I woke up
In the dewy morning grass
The sun was breaking my eyes
My head was made of glass
My head was made of glass

Chorus:
One Fine Day

I sat up
In the muddy morning dirt
The pain was cracking my skull
My inner child hurt
My inner child hurt

One Fine Day

Bridge-

I stood up
In the dreary morning fog
Reality was digital
My brain was analog
My brain was analog

One Fine Day


******************************************************************


It's Going to Hell

I don't know why
I don't really care
I'll touch the sky
I'll kiss her hair
I'll see the ocean bottom
The Dragon's lair

Chorus (X4)
It's going to hell
The whole world's going to hell


**********************************************************************************


Son of Perdition

Satan knows he has you by the balls
If you're dumb enough to think you're all there is in life
Everybody has it coming
One way or another
But don't get me wrong, he'll never steer you right

Chorus:
I know who he is
Son of Perdition
I know where he is
In the lake of fire
I know what he is
Son of Perdition
I know where he is
If you're not saved by God himself

He has you by the throat
If he's convinced you he isn't even real
So before you laugh me off
You better look inside your soul
And ascertain if you ever made a rotten deal

Chorus

Bridge

The devil already owns your soul
If he's convinced you, there is no right or wrong
So before you shout me down
You better look into his eyes
You'll see the truth is nowhere to be found

Chorus


*******************************************************************************


Don't Hate Me

Don't hate me
I ain't no sage
Don't crowd me
Inside this cage
Don't doubt me
I'll prove you wrong
Don't fight me
I'll fight you long

Chorus:
Don't hate me (X4)

Don't hate me
For speaking my mind
Don't smile at me
If thought's a crime
Don't cross me
I'll put a cross on you
Don't talk to me
And I won't talk to you

Don't hate me (X3)

Don't hate me
For using my brain
I'm really sorry
For causing you so much pain

Don't hate me (X4)

****************************************************************


A Curse, A Shout

Sometimes
I know you want to scream
When nothing
Is as it seems
One day
You'll figure it out

Chorus:
With a scream
A yell
A fight
A curse
And a shout
One day
You'll figure it out
With a scream
A yell
A fight
A curse
And a shout

Some day
I think you'll explode
If the hunger in your belly overflowed
All your anger and rage will come to the top

Chorus(X2)
One day, you'll figure it out
With a scream
A yell
A fight
A curse
And a shout

Bridge-
A fight a curse and a shout
A shout
A scream a yell a fight a curse and a shout
A fight a curse and a shout

You watch them on the TV every night
You know them
They don't think you're very bright
I see that your patience
Is wearing thin
So go find your courage
And throw off those shackles again

Chorus

**********************************************************************************


Panic City

Leggy blond anchor
On the TV screen
Running and screaming
Blood in the streets
Pearly white smile
Plastered on her face
Bodies all over the place

Panic City-Panic City
It's time to panic
It's time to panic here in-(repeat)
It's time to panic and lose all control

Constitution burning
Ahh, who cares?
Abrogation of our rights?
No! Never here!
Never in America
Just every where else!
Now we're all asleep
Spoiled to rotten hell

Chorus
It's time to panic and lock all your doors:

Bridge

They tell you what to think
Tell you who to vote for
Limits on your drinks
Even if it's cola (mayor bloomberg, NYC, 2012-13)
They want to run your life
The Busybody freaks
If something bad should happen, their convolutions sink deep into-

Chorus
It's time to panic and lose all your rights


*****************************************************************************


Wake Up

I know you've seen this all before
A time or place, or in your dreams
But don't be fooled by that distant shore
Heaven is closer than it seems

Chorus:
Don't keep sleeping
Wake up
Don't keep sleeping

Some will look you in the eyes
And won't even see you standing there
Let's not worry about our alibis
The truth will surely strip us bare

Chorus:

Bridge:
Wake up

Mystical vision of that Milky Way
Go a thousand miles from the nearest place
Then you'll see just how small we'll stay
Our tiny speck of human race

Chorus:

*******************************************************************************


I'm Gone

Anyway
Anyway
Anyway you slice it I'm gone, oh yeah, I'm gone
Don't know why I waited so long
To part ways with you
I was a tool in love
To think your craziness
Was mild or temporary
Angel face

Chorus:
I don't care
What you say
I'll be leaving
Anyway

I tried and tried and tried
Honey how much I tried
You cried and cired and cried
Sweetie how much you cried
One more day together
We both would have died

Chorus:

Bridge:
Anyway
Anyway
Anyway you slice it I'm gone, oh yeah(X3)
I'm gone

Oh yeah I'm gone
Don't know why I waited so long
To open up my ego
How you bruised and beat me
And blacked my nose

Chorus (X2)

*******************************************************************************



Farm Girls

I walked for miles
Down that country road
I had a breakdown
In a rural area code

Chorus:
Farm Girls
Gimme those Farm Girls
I want those Farm Girls
Gimme that Farmer's daughter(x2)

She can work and cook all day
That's just her country way
She can lift and she can pull
and later she'll ride you like a rented mule

Chorus:

Bridge-
Gimme that farmer's daughter
Farmer's daughter

I had a breakdown
In a rural area code

Chorus:

Hmm..well I like it...

Can't understand the vocals...lol just kidding I know what was going on.
Hey the lyrics you added as I was typing...

In all honesty. I do like the the guitar....that has a nice mellow scream to it..
If its one thing I learned...never diverge a mind and it's track.....

If you don't mind...I might set it on loop...

You see back in the day...I put on anthrax, megadeth, slayer, S.O.D., Van Halen, Vai, Satriani, so on so forth with a dash of George Carlin and Harrison....to mellow my kewl...and go to sleep...

Just don't get it stuck in a sludge of repetitiveness and I would buy that...nice work and go forth!



Edit: ooh oh! And Malmstein!

Actually I would like to send this to a friend...
He gets it..he's also an FX artist...this is completely down his avenue.
I will only let him here what was posted...is that OK?

Edit: he's the same guy who poured tequila down my throat and recorded me....gotta say... a little fruity loops and a small studio went a long way...

Maybe someday if I can figure out how to upload...people can hear my drunken 12 tracks!..lol

Ok .

While I wait for you to jump back on for quick Q&A...I'm gonna play it again..

Edit: sorry I'm not going to run it through a head set....I have a 5 thousand watt system....and I have the all clear.....

As in clear my right and left door neighbors are 86+ and deaf....

Hmm.

I guess your sick of asking relatives because they just kiss your butt? I know that feeling well, I know my voice is weak and sounds crap when recorded. I think maybe you know that too? If not, I wont kiss your butt. But it sounds weak, muffled, is compensating with reverb (don't worry, i try that trick too) to try and hide the fact it's a naff sounding voice.

The guitar playing is kinda ok, repetative in a this is going nowhere kind of way rather than a good way. So, what can be done? Well, as hard as it is to swallow for now quit wasting time recording your voice. Work on developing your song structures and writing ability.

Next, you need to take some singing lessons to project your voice and sing from futher within rather than in the mouth. Spend a year with a vocal coach doing weekly excercise. Next time you go to record it, you need to put up some sound proofing in your recording space, maybe even make a booth out of three matresses standing up. Also, beg/borrow/steal some better mics. I'm using a shure sm 57 which sounds similar to your results and it's just not that great on weak voices.

EQ better. The guitar is making a mess of the vocals, either try to shelve it, or maybe even notch it out and do the opposite on your vocal track. Also, you need some bass and drums, but that's a way off yet.

Hope I haven't put you off, but to be honest there is 50,000 you's out there doing this at home and I'm afraid to say we're right at the bottom of the pile for now and there's an aweful lot of really great undiscovered talent out there. Personally, keep up the guitar and try and look for a local band, start trying out backing vocals un-mic'd in rehersals to up your projection.

Sorry if it hurts, I'm hoping honesty kicks you in the right direction. It's a long and hard road but it can be done - Don't give up!

(edit, seeing your gear listed no wonder! Time to open the wallet and get a proper computer interface, focusrite scarlett series is pretty good value and comes with a copy of cubase and there is thousands of free vst's and vsti's you can download and at least get the mixes sounding better. Roland has a couple of excellent new products (octa capture etc) worth looking at as well.
Also, I should add I gave up listening after the first song. So it's not hooking me in one bit. Not sure if thats too hurtful rather than helpful though... But I only have so much time to give when my own music is also bad sounding and I've made nothing much worth anything in the last few years save for a song on a iPad game.)

reply to post by Qumulys


Wait there was a vocal in there...
Thought it was hum effect to guide future vocals along..

You sure?

Shows you what I know....felt like a start of a work in progress....
I still like the guitar....hmmmm

Agree to push it to bloom though...


I also keep embellishing riff and chords along the way...maybe that's my issue...but I still like it.

reply to post by Bigburgh


Send it to whoever you want. Thanks for the comments!

reply to post by Gozer


Thanks...I will!

It will go to..
www.pittsburghfx.com

Close friend...but a way better musician than I. Maybe he can give better advice...
Also don't dismiss the critics...you posted it....so take away what ya can....not all ears are the same....

reply to post by Qumulys


Believe me, I appreciate your comments! Not interested in being a tech guru or "star" just want to write songs for someone else who might want to redo them. I know it would be better with bass and drums, but as I said, didn't really need them for this excercise, project, whatever you want to call it.

I never said I was the next big star. Just a guy messing around in his apartment, because it's fun, and I've always enjoyed trying to create my own music, even if I've never recorded it until now.

I also think these songs are like children to me and sometimes I see my children with much greater passion than others who might say "wow, I hate his kids..." Sometimes a parent just has to be told that their kids just aren't as great as they think they are.

OK, so you think my kids aren't great. Do you hate my kids though? That's the main thing, right now. Like are you saying - WORST.KIDS.EVER. to yourself? If you're indifferent to them, that's OK! At least they're not bothering you!

Some kids, I just hate and don't understand what all the fuss is about and I think even though my kids aren't the greatest maybe, they're much better than THAT goofballs kids, even if they're maybe a little dirty and rough around the edges.

I will put out a song for evaluation for one reason. I say to myself...if I was going down the highway with my radio blasting, and this song came on the radio...and I never heard it before, would I like it? So to me, for these songs I posted today, the answer was yes, I'd like the songs when I heard them for the first time (redone correctly, in studio, properly, of course...use your imagination a little...please?)
I had 3 others, but nixed them and will redo for the next effort or chuck altogether. Those you would have really hated.

Could you give me a link to your music, or any pointers about the h4nzoom/audacity combo? I really am a total rook when it comes to recording anything or even singing and creating lyrics. That's really why I posted. "Here's my rookie/first effort. How is it?" In that context? That's really what I want you to keep in mind. I appreciate the encouragement, but there's really nothing to encourage. I'll keep doing it whether anyone likes it or not. The bottom line is, I like it. I WANT others to like it,for sure, that would definitely make me feel good and feel like I hadn't wasted all that time playing all these years, but it's not why I make the songs. It would be a nice side-effect, but it's not the reason I enjoy doing it. I do some painting too. I'm no Adolph Hitler, but the chicks dig it.

I liked the guitar work!

reply to post by Bigburgh


Heh. I'm 49, much too old to worry about critics making me put my geetar down. I didn't play at all from 2000-2010, because I didn't have a guitar and was too into the net and I was at that point where it didn't interest me more than other things, but then I missed having a creative outlet, so I picked it up again, and I was waaaay better than I ever was before. Not sure what happened. lol.

Thanks for whatever you get out of it, seriously. I really would prefer to just concentrate on the music and leave the lyrics and singing to someone else but I also like trying stuff I've never done (like the twangy song at the end). I'm pleased with my own efforts and that's what counts the most to me. I know how half assed they were, that's the thing. I didn't spend months throwing these demos together, but days, if you condense everything down to hours, and it probably shows, but part of my own challenge to myself was to see how few takes I could get away with and still have something passable to claim as my own, and feel good about the effort still.

reply to post by Night Star



Thanks! Maybe next batch, the vocals will sound better, or I'll get a real singer.

reply to post by Gozer


Ok, here's some music I did, remember this was for an iphone game for kids! soundcloud.com... so it's mostly synth sources, only the bass was played as a live instument, everything else is played using a midi-keyboard and then software vsti synths.

Here's another one for the same project. soundcloud.com...

I made the decision years ago to remove any old songs with my voice, cause it's just too shakey and pitchy. I don't have the confidence as a singer.


I know you love your kids, me too. Most of my music remains something just for me, cause I actually realllllly dig 20 minute long sessions playing piano over a slow bass line on repeat. Must drive the neighbours crazy, but keeps me amused. It's a child I'd be better off locking in the attic though. I lost most of my playing ability due to a spinal cord condition and wish I'd set aside more time when younger playing guitar and recording it.

So, your kids. Honestly take a gander at this.
That will help you out massively and for about $300 it really is a bargain that will open up your recording possibilities massively. Save, edit, pan, eq, effects you name it it will be easily doable with relatively little computer experience. I have my guitar plugged directly into my interface and it makes recording easy especially because I run it straight into Amplitube. Sure, you can still mic up you peavey and record it that way as well. Like I said, it gives you options. Even little things like a metronome can be set up just right, and not be audible in the final mix. You'll find most stuff in audacity that's useful is within most DAW's (Digital Audio Workstations) as built in features. I actually would recommend Studio One by Presonus, I think there's even a free version out now, but it's really easy to start out with and surprisingly powerful.

But not only that, you have practically endless space to record all off your children and come back to them in a weeks time and listen to them with fresh ears. Then you have the power to go back and change stuff, especially if you record your guitar as a dry signal! There might be a solo you just smashed out the park, but it's murky because of too much delay.. Well it's a simple fix once your in a computer.

Right now your sending your children to school in dirty school clothes, mis-matched socks and questionable hygene. Sure they might still be learning but are reflecting poorly on you and your skills. Like I says, I'm no expert and I'm a self admitted poor singer and failed musician so my advice may not be suitable to your skill-set. But I'd still jump into any local cover band because not only will it grow your confidence and skill, you will be in contact with others who might have gear you can borrow!

reply to post by Qumulys


Thanks for all the info! You call yourself a "failed musician" but you're making money making sounds that people want to buy, right, so I wouldn't exactly call that a failure.

Thanks for the links. I will definitely check out the free work station.

This just cracked me up, because I think my answer to it will make you see where I'm coming from, at this stage in my life.

Right now your sending your children to school in dirty school clothes, mis-matched socks and questionable hygene. Sure they might still be learning but are reflecting poorly on you and your skills...

I'm the bad mom or dad who wants to sell the children, as is, to someone who wants to adopt them and give them the love and care that I refuse to, because they cost too much time and money, and I don't have the patience for them any more.

My sales pitch to the adoptive parent is "Hey, listen, listen good. They aren't perfect, but when you really see through the dirt and mismatched socks, and clean them up and make them presentable, they're still good kids that many adoptive parents might want..."

Would they be more appealing to more potential adoptive parents if they were cleaned up better? Sure. No argument there my friend. But all it takes is one person to know that with a little work these would be fine, fine children to adopt.

OK I'm kind of even creeping myself out now with the "selling of the raggamuffin children to a good home" analogy, so I'll never speak of it again. lol.


The songs are there. The structure is there. The music driving the melody of the song is there, and the lyrics and somewhat catchy choruses (imo) are there. It's all ready to go. Redo the guitars, Add drums/bass/ a good singer, a good studio with real engineers, and they're ready. All it needs is some TLC. I just don't have the money/time or energy to make them pristine by myself.

I'd also wouldn't mind a good young band that likes my songs and would like me to produce the songs, or help, for them. Is that SOP in the music world? How does one go about earning a living writing songs for others?

I want to present them about like I have them now (with better vocals and the next batch is already better in terms of recording levels, and clarity of vocals). Is it just a matter of someone somehow stumbling onto a song that someone does and saying "I want that song"? I have no idea how it works. Outside of small time cover band stuff, I never learned or even tried to, the ins and outs of how to sell original music to prospective buyers. I know it isn't easy, and I know I wouldn't sell my songs cheap either (one last time) because they're still my kids. I don't need the money. I'd want it, but I don't need it.

Again though, I must emphasize to you, trying to earn money from these songs is not something I think is realistic or was even shooting for. I like them, so I recorded them as best I could and have the legal rights to them just in case anyone accidently decides to borrow a riff here or there without my permission.

Thanks for taking the time with the links and all the great advice. I'll be checking out your links.

reply to post by Qumulys

Also, I should add I gave up listening after the first song. So it's not hooking me in one bit. Not sure if thats too hurtful rather than helpful though...

It's not "hurtful: that you didn't like it, but kinda hurtful that you broadbrushed 10 songs only having listened to one. It's cool though man. Thanks again for the tips.