GRIEVING - my dog is irretrievably gone and I feel AWFUL

gwynnhwyfar
reply to post by zeroBelief

 

The best thing you can do to work on your grieving....is to go to a shelter or a rescue group, and give a good and loving home to a deserving dog.

Oh gosh, I couldn't even think about that. I still have 3 other doggies to take care of, and I can't even imagine trying to replace my baby girl with a different dog right now.

It absolutely is not replacing.

Atlas was a stoic old man, throughout his life. Tonka is a playful little girl. Totally different.
I didn't see it as "replacing him", rather, acknowledging a void in my life, and the idea that there are wonderful dogs who are quite literally *DYING* for a good home.

I still routinely talk to Atlas, and, something I never once imagined myself doing...I kiss his urn as if I am kissing him. I have his collar on the Urn, and his nametag on my keyring. He is forever with me.

I plan on using some of his ashes to be blended in with ink to have a portrait tattoo of him done.

I've also made it clear in my will that when I am cremated, I want his ashes mingled with mine. I can honestly say, I'll want the same done with Tonka, and any other dog I lovingly bring into my life.

Atlas lives on in my heart. NOTHING can replace him. Rather, I turned my grief into love for a little girl who was horribly abused and ignored throughout her life. I do this, out of love for Atlas. Out of respect for him. Because I know he thinks it's not only the right thing, but that it would make him happy if he knew this girl is now happily sleeping next to me, where she genuinely never knew this kind of love before.

I think it's really about what you choose about how you feel. There is no *right* answer here.

In Loving Memory of Candy Cane.

Be sure to click on the twinkling star in the upper right hand corner.

www.in-memory-of-pets.com...

Hugs ~~~~~~~~

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I totally get where you are at.

I put a pet to sleep I had for 17 years, but she was suffering.

You did the right thing, and your little pal is grateful for what you did.

In the end, it's all the good memories that will last in your mind.

Hugs,

RT

reply to post by MrLimpet


Wow, thank you! I'm so touched. How lovely and thoughtful of you!

gwynnhwyfar
reply to post by zeroBelief

 

The best thing you can do to work on your grieving....is to go to a shelter or a rescue group, and give a good and loving home to a deserving dog.

Oh gosh, I couldn't even think about that. I still have 3 other doggies to take care of, and I can't even imagine trying to replace my baby girl with a different dog right now.

Those that we have lost, can never be replaced. An addition to the family at a later time may or may not be something you want to do? Now is not the time. It's to soon.

You will know if/when the time is right should you decide to add to your family.

reply to post by zeroBelief


I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you "replaced" Atlas with Tonka! All our babies are completely their own personalities, and of course all the doggies out there need a loving home. I just meant for me, right now, I'm not in a place where I am ready to adopt another dog. I'm probably not communicating very well today. My thoughts are scattered and I'm too sad to think very clearly.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


Bless you for loving your animals so much, they are one of the valuable things in life. My sister and her husband are in the process of losing their 11 year old German Shepard to cancer. Dogs have short lives, and we know and love many of them in our own life. You are a wonderful person to care so much, and may that love continue. My condolences.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I'm so sorry for your loss, I had to put my dalmation down right before Christmas.

She was going blind, deaf, she became incontinent(would just go when she had to right where she was standing,) and her hips gave out. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it was time. She was in pain, and as much as I loved her and wished I could just keep her, my own selfish feelings were essentially keeping her longer than she could handle.

I understand your pain, and I really wish I could make them both better for both of us, but you did the right thing. It's going to hurt for the first while, and you will miss your baby as I certainly do myself, but the guilt and doubt will fade.

I love my dalmation and wish I could have her back, but I only saw the young dog when I looked at her with my heart. The reality was she was tired, in pain, falling apart and suffering.

My words are mish mashed and this is turning into my own circle of thoughts. Just stay strong, it does get better. Remember the good times you had together. Remember when you got her, the happiness she brought and the happiness you gave her. You gave her the best life you could, you gave her love and she loved you. Stay strong, she will always be with you.

Hijinx
reply to post by gwynnhwyfar

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, I had to put my dalmation down right before Christmas.

She was going blind, deaf, she became incontinent(would just go when she had to right where she was standing,) and her hips gave out. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it was time. She was in pain, and as much as I loved her and wished I could just keep her, my own selfish feelings were essentially keeping her longer than she could handle.

That^^^
I was so lucky. I visited a friend of mine one evening, as I left his house he looked at my old mate, then he looked at me and he said "Dont leave it too long"
A couple of months later I had to do that dreadfull deed, and I know had he not said those words I'd have kept him going even longer than I did. I'll always be gratefull to him for that.
I did keep him going too long, and its not a nice thing to know! For anyone else coming through this thread bear it in mind, because its not untill after theyre gone that we realise how selfish we've been.
My old mate went deaf first, and it took me a long time to realise, but its not such a big deal for them. Then he went blind and again it took a long time before I realised, I just thought he was ignoring my calls. Then he collapsed several times, and bad things were going on inside of him so the deed had to be done, I trully wish I'd had the guts to have done it sooner than I did.

reply to post by Hijinx

I understand your pain, and I really wish I could make them both better for both of us, but you did the right thing. It's going to hurt for the first while, and you will miss your baby as I certainly do myself, but the guilt and doubt will fade.

Thank you so much, both you, and the poster just above who responded to your post. It is just hitting us today how much our lives have revolved around trying to keep her comfortable, and how it was everything we could do just to manage that. We would have kept going, but even with all our efforts more and more complications kept sneaking in. Our vet told me it is so hard to tell when to stop, and that with her situation we were doing the best thing for her. The guilt and doubt is very hard to deal with, though, right now. Its still so raw. Getting some sleep and food last night sure did help a lot, though. I had only had around 6 hours total in the previous few nights, and the last time I had eaten was a small salad on Wednesday, before we took her in. Appetite equaled zero. Today was a little better. I am glad I don't have to go to work again until Monday.

Nyiah
I'm so, so sorry hon

check your U2Us, I sent you a message

Couldn't during the week - now I have and I replied back U2U. Thank you and big hugs to you too, Honey...

reply to post by Hijinx

I love my dalmation and wish I could have her back, but I only saw the young dog when I looked at her with my heart. The reality was she was tired, in pain, falling apart and suffering.

Yes, I feel the same. My husband says he saw her weary and fading, but I put those times in the back of my mind as just normal down-time chilling as we all wound down. What I noticed most, probably because I wanted to, was the fact she never failed to rise and wag to greet us, always cocked her head and perked her ears up, navigated her way around her home and yard almost as if she wasn't blind, most of the time, and always wanted to snuggle under my side on the sofa.

The things I kept blocking were her ongoing incontinence as it increased to every night, the strong odor of sickness to the soiled blankets and the fact I had to bathe her every day and launder the bedding daily to make it go away by bedtime the next night. The way she flinched away from getting her insulin shots, the last few weeks. She was so tired of them. She did so well when her cataracts developed and her eyes turned white-blue, still knew her way around the house with no problems, I even started calling her Ice Princess as a nickname, it seemed like not such a bad deal. I never expected for her to have one eye fill with blood and turn red and then the increased incontinence, in spite of her DES "potty pills" she kept draining her bladder accidentally, the minute she started to doze.

Even I have to admit she was fading and tired the last day. I spent so much time cuddling her as we drove around trying to decide what to do. Why is it so hard to see when the time has come? We love them so much we are blind to it. I didn't want to see it. I still see my baby girl as a little puppy with silky, perked up ears, jumping over the doggie gate (we could NOT keep her inside the gate), climbing the stairs to the bedroom and insisting to come in, whereupon she would somehow make an even higher jump on to the bed, and curl up next to my heart. She slept next to my heart for the next 12 years up until around 6 months ago when we had to move her into the kennel due to the incontinence. It is a huge hole.

I still have 3 doggies left, hale and hearty at present, only one of which sleeps in the bed. Funny thing is, my other bed dog, as a puppy, curled into my neck and now as a grownup dog, she sleeps curled up behind my knees. She never tried to move to the spot where Candy Cane slept, and can't be convinced to.

Dimithae
reply to post by gwynnhwyfar

 

At this time, I can truly say I feel your pain. And I do, you see I just put my beloved french bulldog Buster Brown down last week.For him it was he went off his food,something he's never done in his 19 years on this planet.I fixed him food from my pantry,got him canned ID from the vet,got all the meds and gave them to him.He would eat for one day,then not the next.Finally after two days of not eating he got up and sat in the floor,he was shaking and rocking back on his haunches in pain.His eyes were squinting as the pain came and went,and then I knew. I could not let him suffer,he didn't deserve that after all those years of being such a kind gentle sweet natured dog.Always said he would have been the perfect little girls dog.You could put clothes, glasses, hats, etc on him and he would just sit there and wait to see what you wanted next. I'd wrap him in a blanket and carry him around like a baby playing and he would just lay in my arms.If I rocked him in a chair with him on his back he would fall to sleep.

And now he's gone.The house feels so empty,even the dog and cat feel it and are sad.I stare at the ortho bed in front of my fireplace where he layed before he went and cry.But I regret nothing.I gave him the supportive care he needed to see if he would recuperate and get back to eating.I gave him the time he needed but it was for nothing.It was his time,I saw the pain and it had to end.It is my place to suffer now and deal with it.As his mommy I knew when I took him that this day would come.And it would be the last loving act I could do for him.

The price for love is loss.We have to live with it.I know that one day when I go I'll get to see him again.He will be healthy and happy and his old self.If heaven is where you have the things and people you love then all my companions will be there for me.Bless you Buster Brown, and thank you for sharing your life with me.when the pain has gone down a bit I will honor your kindness with saving anothers life like I did yours.You came off the streets running for your life,then shared it with me.You made me a better person for it.I can do no less than to give another kind soul a chance at life when I can deal with the grief of losing you.

"Hugs" to you my friend,your pain is from doing the right thing.Remember the joy your baby brought to you.In time give that joy to another.There are so many animals out there waiting for someone to love them and care for them like you did to your baby.Feel the pain but don't let it consume you.Animals forgive,they let go of past hurts.We have to do the same.Bless you,may you find peace during this time of grief.

edit on 23-1-2014 by Dimithae because: clicked wrong button

Dimithae - Thank you so much for sharing your baby, Buster Brown, with me. I took longer to respond to your post because I am still trying to get through the pain and loss, myself, right now, so your story of how fast your sweet Buster went down has been hard to read. You are so right that the price of love is loss.

It is harder to remember the joy and share it. I am just beginning to be able to think of some of the really good times, like how much my baby girl loved to go for a walk around the little lakes we have here and see and smell the ducks. She really dug the ducks. She didn't want to chase them, just smell them and the lake, and walk around the perimeter of the lakes and then sit and hang out in between the North and South lakes and relax. It was our special time and place.

Hugs to you, thank you and thanks for helping me start trying to think of better times.
Gwynn

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I'm sorry for your loss. She's in a better place. Dogs and other animals know when it's time to say goodbye, and they let us know when it's time. You did the right thing.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I miss my dad's dog and wrote a letter to my late brother and asked if he (the dog) is ever around and a few days later I had a dream of my brother and I in the house we grew up in and there was a bear that jumped on me and I freaked out but I notice the bear wasn't hurting me and it took me a while to understand but the bear was my old mastiff and was showing how healthy he was now cause when he died he was real bad shape. Anyway it was comforting and I wish I knew his spirit is around more often which he prolly is and I just don't notice. Either way it is and was very comforting. And I think you should try to look to for both your benefit and your dogs. Being so upset adds baggage to your dog too. Makes him or her feel they need to do more than being a dog. In life or in spirit.

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved, devoted friend. I can only imagine the pain you feel at the moment. Our dogs truly are members of the family. I too said goodbye to my best mate of 15 years, Moll, two weeks ago.

I want to tell you a true story here in the hope that it may ease your pain. It's my hope that it helps you realise that your dear friend will always be with you no matter what. My mind has literally been blown away by the whole experience I present here. I cannot do it justice in words only, there's so much lacking in relaying it to you verbally, but what it's meant to me as a personal experience is nothing short of fantastical.

A little background. I picked up Moll from the RSPCA in the April of 1999. A Cocker Spaniel cross with a face and personality that had me on the spot. She'd been brought in that day because the idiot owners she'd been removed from used to lock her in a cupboard as she was quite a live wire. That's my kind of dog and being that she was only a year old, she'd calm down after a couple of years. My Gain!

I absolutely gave Moll the best life possible, the love between us was unconditional. We'd stare into each other's eyes and you could feel the connection. My friends and family adored her and she accompanied me almost everywhere. She was truly one of the gang and she attended all the parties.

For the last few years she lived at my parents house who live 5 minutes away, so she could still be active whilst I'm at work. This worked, I still saw her all the time and I had weekend access as and when I wanted. Moll started to slow down a few months ago. She still went loco when she saw me, however her unsteady footing (from being so nimble), occasional bladder mis-hap and her deafness became noticeable. It was only old age creeping up on her, she wasn't going anywhere yet.

I'm a Reiki 1st Degree practitioner (going for my 2nd Degree on Saturday 1st February) so I meditate before sleep for an hour. Moll became a focus for me to send healing to the last week of her life. It was a long shot being only 1st Degree. Distance healing comes with the 2nd Degree attunement but my intention couldn't hurt. I'd lie there recounting all the amazing times we've had whilst sending Reiki. I'd call Mum and Dad in the morning; 'How's Moll doing?', 'She's fine, just the same, but you know she's getting old now'. I'd never really had to do this, there'd never been a need to check up on her before, but I was curious to see if the Reiki had helped her perk up a bit.

I'm throwing dates in here now to give the time line. Thursday, 9th January, it's 11.30pm and I lie there to start my meditation. I listen to chilled house when I meditate as it enables me to get where I'm going pretty quick. I start seeing Moll in my mind's eye and it's all good, happy thoughts and a focus on alleviating any symptoms she may have. The next thing, I'm removed from this scene and she's lying ill in her bed, the vet's been called, he's going to put her to sleep. I know this, I need to spend the last few moments with her, I need to be with her as he puts her to sleep. But I'm at peace with it, there's so much love between us in this vision, I know it's the right thing to do. I know it's never truly goodbye. I wept and wept and literally grieved for her there and then. I'd say this whole vision lasted around 15 minutes. It was really intense. I think I cried myself to sleep.

Friday, 10th January, 7am. I get up, two things are on my mind; the vision, and a song, playing over and over and over again. The song is 'Don't you Worry Child' by Swedish House Mafia. I do love the song but it's not one to play in my head, yet there it was. It continued throughout the day. I began singing it at my desk, I had workmates singing along, people commented on how much they loved it. It helped combat the vision as the lyrics are quite uplifting and poignant. It carried on the whole day. I never even called home to check on Moll as my mind was too occupied by the vision and the song.

-- continued --

-- continued --

3.30pm and my Mum calls on my cell phone. I go to a quiet room and she tells me Moll's suddenly taken a turn for the worse. The Vet's been called and it's likely she may be put to sleep. I don't think I need to state what was going through my head at this point. I finished work early, in absolute bits to go see my old mate for what could be the last time. I became anchored in the knowledge that somehow the vision and song were part of a greater picture. I hold firm belief's in the Soul's eternal journey and that physical death is not the end, only a transition from here to there.

The vet was due to attend at 7.00pm, however he did a no show due to an emergency call out. I stayed until 9pm, I'd spent quality time with her, gave her hands on Reiki and even asked her to let go if she needed. I kept on saying 'let go, let go'. I felt really calm saying it too, in fact my whole time with her this calmness prevailed. She was almost distant, but I knew that's because she knew too it wasn't the end of our relationship either.

I arrive home at 9.15pm. I had friends coming over, the usual Friday thing. Again, I felt really calm and at peace. I fired up the laptop to log on to Facebook to send an email to the concerned friends of Moll. The first thing at the top of my news feed was a video that my cousin Ian had posted of his 2 year old son Kaiden. I smiled and pressed click to play, and there's Kaiden's blonde, blue-eyed face looking right at me, singing 'Don't you Worry Child'. The moment sent a wave of energy through me, and I knew I was being sent signs. For reference, the song was released September 14th 2012, almost a year and a half ago. That song again amongst the 1000's of songs out there.

I set up You Tube on the Xbox and found the Swedish House Mafia video, set it to repeat through the TV and played it loud through the speaker setup. I felt energised and tears came as I recounted adventures of me and Moll. Happy tears tinged with loss. I knew I would never see her in the physical again, but this helped immensely.

Moll passed at 6.30pm on Saturday, 11th January. My Dad was with her. That was good enough for me. I missed my brother Chris' wedding reception that night as I couldn't bear friends trying to console me, but the texts and messages filtered through. He got married in October last year in Cyprus, so this party was for the guests that never got to fly out last year.

The following days I had my usual routine, get in from work and play the song a few times to recount the whole connection I felt to her. This absolutely carried me onwards, safe in the knowledge she'll always be there.

Something shifted though on Sunday, 19th January, I started to have the negative thought that maybe I'd brought on her sudden turn for the worse during meditation. It kept nagging and eating away, and I felt guilty. Since my Reiki my thoughts have been quite potent regarding manifestation. I tend to think something and it appears in my life. I poured my torment out to a friend on the Sunday evening. She said not to think like that, it was stupid, but it was there and it started to affect me.

Monday, 20th January. I get up to what felt like a cannonball in my guts, likened to constipation. It affected my lower back and I was in real pain. I couldn't bear the thought of listening to the song and I tried not to think of Moll, there was so much guilt. I felt disconnected from her entirely and this guilty feeling took over.

On Wednesday, 22nd January, I received a random phone call from my friend Serati who lives on the South Coast. We rarely see or speak to each other much due to distance, commitments etc, the last time we had physical contact was at my 40th Birthday party on the 23rd August last year. She still has a house here she rents out that needs some maintenance, so she needs me to source a friend or local handy man to carry out the repairs. I tell her I'll bell her later with my actions. I'm now in agony with my stomach and decide tomorrow, it's a trip to the docs.

So, after work around 5.15pm, waiting for a bus, I call her. No answer, so the next option, text her saying I'll be in touch later. I never text if I can, it bores me when you can just pick the phone up and call. So up pops the text screen and I notice an unread text from her on Sunday 25th August 2013. It reads (as written) -

'Swedish Mafia. Father's Child. Listen to the lyrics Tim and tell me what you think it's about. Xxx'.

I was floored, again the song and asking me what the lyrics meant to me, it automatically played in my head again and I smiled and thought of Moll, the connection was re-established. The next thing, my stomach felt warm and almost immediately, the stomach pains dispersed.

I got home and poured out the whole experience to my other half, who was in agreement that this was all a little too fantastic to be coincidence. My stomach pain had now been replaced by a soothing, massaging heat and it felt amazing. For the first time in a few days I felt happy and able to play the song again. I played it through the TV and sat there in amazement at the whole thing.

It doesn't end there though. Having sat through the video twice, feeling really connected to Moll again, the next video in the playlist popped up on screen. It was again by the Swedish House Mafia, called 'Save the World'. I felt the urge to watch this as the title resonated with me, what with Reiki and my belief in that whatever I do to heal in the now is like a stone thrown in a pond, the ripples spread far into infinity. It started off with people being mugged, violence, car theft etc, things I abhor about the world we live in, and again the lyrics meant something.

Then the video switched to that of a dog, then another, and another, until around 12 dogs had their profile shown, all looking at the camera. Next, they're all running through the streets together, bounding around.

I knew this was a message from Moll to let me know she's happy, there's no need to worry and the negative thoughts I'd had were stupid and unnecessary. Negative thoughts influence the body and holding on to them has adverse affects. Release those thoughts and you release the symptom.

I was meant to miss that text in August last year, I was meant to see it at its intended time, set in motion by Serati's random phone call. It's no wonder I missed it as my 40th week's an absolute blur. There's so many things at play in this world we live in that are unseen although we have the opportunity to tune into if we recognise the signs being shown.

Our pets never truly leave us, please know this. This goes for every living thing on Earth. There's only a transition that takes place and the energy of the Soul departs to a different realm. The Soul will be near you when you need their presence. I hope my experience here helps you realise this. I can happily say that Moll truly is only a thought away, the magic I've been shown over the last two weeks confirms this.

I hope you can start healing your broken heart soon. Ask for signs whilst lying in bed before sleep. Those dear departed are always listening to you.

Take care, I'm thinking of you.

EDIT - If you get chance, Google the video, I can't work out how to post it here. I've listened to it again and the lyrics are so powerful in their message.

gwynnhwyfar
Thank you all for your wonderful stories! It was really hard to work today and try to keep it together. Got home and it all broke loose again. I know it will ease up over time, its just that my heart is broken right now. I appreciate all the stories you shared - I knew my ATS family would come through for me. You folks are great. Reading your posts made me cry more but also feel a little better because we have all gone through this. I feel a little less alone. Thank you.

Snowy, Sandy, Muffin, Marmalade, Amber (our cats), Spud, Tilly and Molly (our dogs) all weren't just part of our lives, in a way they defined our lives as one by one age or illness forced us into the decision no one ever wants to make, but it's one that to shy away from is showing disrespect for a companion that has been with you perhaps for their full natural life.

I've cried the tears you are crying so many times and I feel your pain, but remember you are feeling that pain for someone you love (yes, I did say someone - how else do you address a companion?) and gave love and joy to which was reciprocated without condition. Take care, and remember the happy times and the fact you did the one best thing you could do when your companion needed you to.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened.” - Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Reading these may help, or at least give you some paws (sic) for thought

My Condolences...www.youtube.com...

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


My family suffered the same loss of our Doxy Daphne last
Aug 11th. And reading your post has me fractured all over again.
I'm so sorry for you. I know............. believe me
I know.