I'm sorry, but I'm not your father.

Thanks, OP, for the warm feeling reading this story has given me. In the future when I again read too many negative articles (Why do 'we' focus on the negative?) and lose my faith in humanity, I need only read this thread to again have my faith restored.

Merry Christmas, ATSers!

reply to post by openyourmind1262


awesome heart-touching story, brother.

There are people who scam folks using this story too...I had some asshole contact me 18 years ago and said he thought I was his father; it didn't take long to convince him that I was flat broke and that the DNA test would be done where I said it would be and the blood drawn by my doctor not his, and plus he would be paying for it. The "boy" never called back. I got to wondering when he was asking for money for the DNA test up front...back then they were quite a bit of money, not cheap as they are now. Damn bums!

It's a great story and you've handled the whole thing remarkably well. It gives me some faith in humanity.

reply to post by openyourmind1262

" when do we get to meet our brother dad" and then he said, " He 'll be a damn lucky man if your his dad.

I am wishing you were my dad too! Sure wish my kids felt so lucky that I am their Mother, unfortunately they just don't like much about me.
It seems strange to raise and love children and find they are as adults just people...people who may not feel like you do about much and may not like your ideas, thoughts or ways in life.

A lovely story! I particularly like that your friendship with him kind of honors the connection you had with his mom, cause that couldn't have have been easy to have your friend just up and leave as a kid.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Heck, I'm younger than the man who thought he was your son and I've experienced this attitude in my own youth. I remember the looks on my family's faces when they came up north for my graduation party. They're your typical southern fundamentalist Christians - and my girlfriend at the time was black. Oh, the looks on their faces. They said nothing about it though - because they know I would've kicked them out and disowned them for it.

Thanks for sharing this, it's always nice to see people stand up for the golden rule. Especially to those that preach it without practicing it.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


You are the man! Great story and best wishes to everyone involved.

What a wild ride...I feel so bad for the kid....but you are awesome for trying to help him.

My respects. You are one of the good ones, no, one of the great ones. Your 'new son' is a lucky man to now have you as part of his life. You have made the world a brighter place.

Man oh man!! I wish I could reply to each and every one of you, as I'm dogged tired, I'll try and cover the best I can. First off, I am just a man, a man trying to be the son that Esther & William brought fourth. I am the man I am because of MY PARENTS. I give them two all the credit. I live by the lessons they taught. I have no worries now nor when all this started that I was being conned. I have researched this young man and he damn sure is what he say's he is. I my opinion he slighted himself abit, real humble. Graduate of HS. Accomplished record in the Army, never been arrested.

I do and thru the years wondered what became of his mom, we were'nt " lovers' we were kids doing what kids do. She always did have a thing for his dad, my friend. She did a wonderful job of raising her son. She died last year of cancer. He never knew any of this until his mom got sick. He grandparents are both passed away, And I suppose he felt all alone and decided to reach out to me. He said it took him six months to find me. (I dont do social media.)

The man was looking to find his dad and he found out his dad is no longer amoung the living. He also found a family that wants zero to do with him, and yea it's a black & white thing I'm sure. I have done the things Ive done because of those parents I mentioned earlier. I re-examined giving away a firearm, I instead will purchase a couple of US savings bonds for his daughter. Just a little something for the future. I have collected a whole bunch of photos of his dad from many different years, mostly when we were the DYNAMIC DUO in HS baseball, I pitched, he was my catcher.

A few pics if us after we were all grown up men of about 24. A HS annaual & a signed baseball, with his dad's signature. I plan on telling him the truth about his dad, if he wants to know. I feel he want like being lied too. I know I would'nt. I plan on telling him about some of the crazy shat I and his mom got into when we were young kids. I have several pics of her when she was really young. I'm sure he would like to have them. I would like for everyone to just take a minute out your day and look at the black man, or brown man or the white man as just that.....a man. No more, no less. Hell if we were all blind it would'nt matter would it. My parents are the ones who instilled in me that a man no matter the color of his skin, is just a man. There's good and bad in all the races, keep the good, drop the bad.

I m a going to try my best to have the Uncle meet with this young man, he after all went thru with the DNA test and seemed as if he was onboard. He gave me alot of the photos I have. we'll see. I plan on keeping my ATS family informed of the outcome. Oh, and I did not pay for anything, the young man had it all set up and ready to go, cost me and his UNcle zero. A fine young man. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year.. it's been awhile since there was a ten year old in my home.... Folks, those who know me know the way I am. I am a gun-toting atheist, with a strong conviction for our 2nd Amendment....But I also wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I know this for a fact...no man with a son would have turned this man away...everybody deserves to know from where it is they began. Good or bad. Black or white. Thanks for all the kind words......It's 2013 folks, time we bury this racism shat. OYM1262

that really choked me up. thank you for sharing.

Hi OYM... I agree with the sentiments expressed by others - it's quite a story, and I can only imagine the inner turmoil that this situation would have caused you. I have thought about such a thing happening before, but to hear you go through it in detail is quite eye opening.

On a side note, as a non-American, I find this the most 'American' statement I have read in a long time:

openyourmind1262
We have bought presents and I plan on giving him one of my most prized firearms. He can keep it or sell it for his childs education.

I find it such a completely foreign concept that people treat firearms as simple goods to be treated as Christmas presents??? Please don't take this as a criticism, as I'm very much removed from the cultural world you're from, but isn't this perpetuating a wider social problem, being the proliferation of firearms in the United States? I just find this bizarre...

Regards, and all the best...
Rewey

reply to post by openyourmind1262


If everything you said is true, I would say you handled it pretty well.

It more than breaks my heart when the words out of his mouth first is, " I don't want anything (as in monetary) from you.

2nd heart broken when his relatives don't want anything to do with him.



So his real father has passed, mother also passed?

You have a nice family, wife, kids, dogs, cats?, if he is a good kid, student, good grades or not, he is looking for love and direction....

My parents raised and taught five boys, the neighbors, friends, community, and so much more over their lifetime and not due to a big bankroll.
One of my best friends told me the reason he is successful in life today is due to my parents(both went to business school, they couldn't afford college), their kindness, motivation, and bringing all my brothers friends and my friends and that my parents Cared For Everybody!, No Matter What! If they needed help, they would help them, no questions asked.
Now, my best friend also had great parents, and I spent alot of time around his parents. They just were different (they liked country music, we didn't!) It's true, but it's a joke, that is not why.

There is a reason he showed up to your door first. Do you know why? I do. This is not a coincidence.

I am not saying adopt him but that is a word I have held back so far. Bring him into your family?,

You know what you give, you get double your money back and more.


This may be the blessing that you have been waiting for, answered, even though it doesn't look like the blessing,prayer or wish on the surface and is a complete shock to you right now.



Let it sink in and get back to us....

Merry Christmas

reply to post by Rewey


I have decided to buy a couple of US savings bonds instead of giving away a firearm. Understand in America firearms are part of the fabric of our lives, that and cotton. LOL.

PRS395
reply to post by openyourmind1262

 

It more than breaks my heart when the words out of his mouth first is, " I don't want anything (as in monetary) from you.

I think you're spot on here. Unfortunately, that's generally how people assume they'll have to raise the topic. My best mate went through this two years ago. He tracked down his real father living on the opposite side of the country. He wrote a letter, and flew over to meet him. His father didn't even want to open the door to him.

My mate is 39 years old now, and a senior manager in a state government branch. We have both done bachelor degrees, a masters degree, and we're currently both doing our PhD's together - he was not interested in any form of financial support - he just wanted to meet his real dad, and for his dad to see what he had done with his life (including two awesome kids of his own).

But the sad reality is that he felt the only way he could start was confirming that he was not after money. It was quite demoralising...

Regards,
Rewey

reply to post by PRS395


He is a grown man of 35, he now know's without doubt who his father is. I could never be his father....I could certainly be a father figure as I have in the past with so many of my kids friends. He, I think just wants to know, where he came from, what type of cloth he's cut from. If his mom grew up to be the woman she said she was going to be..he was brought up the right way, with love, compassion, respect...and treating those whom he meets as equals. I hope in all this the family will at least talk with him and share some of his dads memories with him. If his dad was still alive...I'm afraid to say he, may have took the same tact as his family. We shall never know.

reply to post by Rewey


Sad story my friend.When this young man called me and told me the outcome of the test, I could tell in his voice how disappointed he was, it broke me down. When I had to tell him I thought I knew who his dad was, and that he was deceased, that to broke me down. But when I found out how he was talked too by "family" sort of, that broke my heart. We all heal from our past hurts, for some it takes years others not so long. This a a damn fine young man & father. He was rasied right, he will do right by all involved, this I'm sure of.

reply to post by Rewey


Not to get off track, I watched a interview of Eddie Vedder(Pearl Jam) being interviewed by a former pro athlete(A story within a story) close to when their new album was being released earlier this year.

I gained alot of respect for him when he opened his heart and became vulnerable for everyone to see. He was asked about not knowing his father and effect it had on him.

He eloquently with very few but very perfect words described the struggles in his life without answers.

He revealed in this interview that recently he did find out who is father was(he already passed) and that he found outhis dad was also a musician and he listened to his music and said his dad was pretty good also.

I can't do justice to the interview because it gets at a lot of the Heart of what we are discussing here.

I am sure you will be able to find it. Probably Utube.

openyourmind1262
reply to post by PRS395

 

He is a grown man of 35, he now know's without doubt who his father is. I could never be his father....I could certainly be a father figure as I have in the past with so many of my kids friends. He, I think just wants to know, where he came from, what type of cloth he's cut from. If his mom grew up to be the woman she said she was going to be..he was brought up the right way, with love, compassion, respect...and treating those whom he meets as equals. I hope in all this the family will at least talk with him and share some of his dads memories with him. If his dad was still alive...I'm afraid to say he, may have took the same tact as his family. We shall never know.

Years ago my friends, married,(man and woman!) one of her best friends and a friend of mine I will call him Jim, back before late 1990's, Jim was diagnosed HIV positive. He is gay and when he told his large family they disowned him completely.

All of us were in our late 30s, early 40s, in age. This is the kind of person, persons that my friends are; They had paperwork drafted, created, whatever it is called(I'm tired) and they decided to legally adopt Jim because if he reached a point that he may need 24-7 care, she and her husband(she is the best nurse I ever have known) wanted Jim in there house to take care of him since he has no family that would take care of him nor want to.

There is a good ending! Jim is doing great today thanks to advancements in treatments and meds.

So, If you say you could never be his father. You have a say in this. So If you say so, okay.

Anything is possible!


Edited because I misspelled a fkn word