Deconstruction of the Self ------ Step One

This is an thread pertaining to "how to" do it, not whether or not you should. There's been lots of discussion of should we or shouldn't we. This is for those who want to lose parts of themselves that are holding them back.

First, we need to define what your Self is. Start by making a list of qualities about yourself. A thorough personal description. What you look like, what you like, what you dislike, your tendencies, your weaknesses, your fears, your strengths, your hobbies, your job, your family role - write it all down. Your ego is nothing but a description, built out of words, so write down these words that are setting the definition of "you". Be as thorough as you can.

All of these words that describe you are a lie. A convenient lie we tell ourselves that defines our personal history and "who we are". You are a unique individual, and no words can really describe you. Even the color of your eyes and hair, which seem so set in stone, are described by words, inaccurate words that roughly describe a similarity to other people's traits. But if I tell you my eyes are blue, do your really know what color my eyes truly are? Can you see it in your minds eye? Dark blue, light blue, flecks of green, who knows? The words as a description are an inaccurate fallacy that place you in a box of labels.

Eye and hair color are one thing. Lets talk about something more useful: personality flaws. "I am shy at parties." "I am ugly". "I am a failure". These kind of words are hurting you. They are holding you back. They are tying up energy in harmful energetic patterns.

If you free this energy, the energy becomes available for other uses. For pursuing your joys. For tackling other challenges. For taking the next step towards freedom from labels.

How do we break the ropes of these hopeless descriptions?

One way is to use the practice of Not-Doings. Part of a system of shamanism, one does the opposite
of what one is "supposed to do" in regards to the ego. Start with easy things. "I dress in jeans and a t-shirt usually." Go find something different at a thrift store (or the mall if you're used to shopping at thrift stores) and try out a new style, just for fun. Wear it out with your friends. Go out in public. See? You really aren't a slave to that description. You're probably feeling pretty good right now.

Here's another easy one: Are you a "liberal"? Take up the conservative point of view. Read articles, really try to act out to yourself the reasonings for their view. Find points you really do agree with.

Now, take a harder problem. "I am always late". Make it a point to be 15 minutes early for everything. Make it your top priority. Prove yourself wrong, that you're not always late. Break the description. Do whatever you need to to ensure you are 15 minutes early for everything. Keep working at your list, one at a time, until you've stored enough energy to tackle things like "I am unattractive". There is a technique for that called "Telling Yourself Lies", which I may take up in another thread sometime.

You can have fun with it. Are you well dressed? Succesful? Dress like a homeless person, and go hold out a sign and a cup for a while. If you really want to get into it, go sleep out in the streets for the night. A valuable lesson. You may be a person that "lives in a home", but you can be homeless for a night.

You can even tackle the ones like "I am overweight", or "I am blonde". Dye your hair. Excercise more. Change your description. You are not a description, you are a human being, damnit! Prove it to yourself!

reply to post by TwoTonTommy


Thank you brother

Very much agree.

peace.

I did this exercise and filled up a sheet of paper with 66 words to describe myself! Oddly enough 33 of them are good things. I believe we get what we put out. I would have to say my life is usually pretty 50/50 so it works out right? Also I have tried doing the whole say I will arrive 15 minutes early and doing everything I possibly can to make sure it happens. It does NOT work for me. I do agree that I feel much better when I face these negative qualities or do something I know I am afraid of but it is not changing who I am. Only momentarily. I think it takes a lot more effort to let go of who you really are. I have been trying hard to be different but after a whole life of being one way how do you turn it all around? I am finding it extremely difficult.
If you are saying that all of these ways we describe ourselves are lies then why are we trying to change them to label ourselves as something different? Isn't that a lie too?
I am entirely confused and still stuck in my ways. Please help me to understand.

reply to post by TwoTonTommy

You are a unique individual, and no words can really describe you.

Then why do you describe us?

misoginger
I did this exercise and filled up a sheet of paper with 66 words to describe myself! Oddly enough 33 of them are good things. I believe we get what we put out. I would have to say my life is usually pretty 50/50 so it works out right? Also I have tried doing the whole say I will arrive 15 minutes early and doing everything I possibly can to make sure it happens. It does NOT work for me. I do agree that I feel much better when I face these negative qualities or do something I know I am afraid of but it is not changing who I am. Only momentarily. I think it takes a lot more effort to let go of who you really are. I have been trying hard to be different but after a whole life of being one way how do you turn it all around? I am finding it extremely difficult.
If you are saying that all of these ways we describe ourselves are lies then why are we trying to change them to label ourselves as something different? Isn't that a lie too?
I am entirely confused and still stuck in my ways. Please help me to understand.

In this "excercise", we use the new description only as a tool. By consciously choosing another lie, and acting it out, we have exposed it to ourselves. Once it is exposed and known, it loses its power over you. The lie is to be held a mirror to itself, exposing itself to be nothing but smoke.

It is very difficult to change something that you've done your whole life. That is why it is important to do the excersises, for real. You have to build the will muscle up. Start with really easy stuff. You don't have to "change yourself" permanently - it's just an excercise. Go at it with a fun attitude. Listen to some new music. Let someone else pick out a book for you to read. If it's too much, just go smaller.

When you start to have personal victories over small things, you will have excercised the ability to challenge yourself, and will have an easier time of it. Our personal energy stores like a rechargeable battery, and sometimes you need to save up more of it to overcome something. Patience is a virtue here. I'll have to talk about saving and spending energy in another thread.

reply to post by TwoTonTommy



Step one should read - "Carefully select your product and tightly pack your water-pipe" It's the only deconstruction of me that I'm interested. That, and also, proving that big foot is really a flying spaghetti monster in a suit he rented from Dracula.

reply to post by TwoTonTommy

3 words:

Mahasi Style Noting

Aphorism
reply to post by TwoTonTommy

 

You are a unique individual, and no words can really describe you.

Then why do you describe us?

Descriptions are a useful tool. If we couldn't describe things, we couldn't communicate. What I'm emphasizing is that we shouldn't confuse the description for the reality.

I don't mind the deconstructing part of my 'self' (which I do), but losing parts thereof would not aid me in my quest for inner peace, awareness and evolution of my 'evolving self'. It seems to me that if I lost (shed, denied) components of 'what makes me who I am now' then I would morph into a 'false self' or 'stagnant self'; self-serving to the ego and not addressing and correcting the less desireable sides of one's self.

Excellent thread. I like what you're trying to do here. S+F

reply to post by TwoTonTommy


Hi, nice thread, I like it. What you are describing reminds me of Kelly's Personal Construct Psychology (PCP).

It is always healthy to examine our constructs and the goggles with which we use to view our own realities.
But it is equally important, in my opinion, that for every deconstruct we are careful to replace it with a more helpful reconstruct. Each word is a 'bag' with which we understand our world, and sometimes we need to unpack the bag to see what's in there, and see whether we put it in, or whether we are borrowing someone else's meaning.
For example, if both you and I agree that one of my constructs is 'lazy' - do we agree with the meaning? My reconstruct of lazy might be very different to yours. Mine could be 'relaxed' whereas yours might be 'unwilling to act'. And so on.
I think it's also worth noting that some 'unhelpful' constructs might actually serve us well, and it is always worth examining why we have the qualities that we do. Somebody who feels that they are always angry, might have had good reason to in the past - it might have kept them safe - but it might no longer be necessary.

So I suppose I'm saying, for every deconstruct, make sure you replace it with a more helpful, relevant reconstruct.
I like the examples you give at the end, for changing your perception of self; I might borrow some!

reply to post by TwoTonTommy

TwoTonTommy
You are not a description, you are a human being, damnit! Prove it to yourself!

Is "human being" not a description? It is a description to describe a type of life form. Once you attach yourself to a description you feel like there is a need to 'prove' you are a "real" human or a "real" man or woman.

When you understand that you just exist, nothing more needs to be proven about yourself.

arpgme
reply to post by TwoTonTommy

 

TwoTonTommy
You are not a description, you are a human being, damnit! Prove it to yourself!

Is "human being" not a description? It is a description to describe a type of life form. Once you attach yourself to a description you feel like there is a need to 'prove' you are a "real" human or a "real" man or woman.

When you understand that you just exist, nothing more needs to be proven about yourself.

I get your point... I guess I should just say, "You are a ...........(insert silence here)". The people I'm trying to help need help becoming whatever it is underneath all the layers of programming and words. There's a difference between talking philosophy and talking about practical action (which I'm attempting.)

Discussing this stuff is challenging - condemning language, while using language at the same time to communicate. Until we develop good methods of telepathy, we are all stuck using these descriptions to try to communicate. The key is to lose the attachment to the descriptions.

reply to post by TwoTonTommy

Much wisdom , you have (said with a Yoda accent)

Seriously, you are onto something well worth practicing. Great post.