Am I wrong to HATE my mom?

reply to post by UxoriousMagnus


Throwing games is like throwing out money. Money might come easy to you, but not me.

reply to post by Versus


Have you looked into what has caused your mom to be this way? Was her parents abusive? Could she have been molested as a child and never told anyone? There are many reasons why a person acts this way. I would try talking to her and just flat out ask her, where does this behavior come from, what has happened to you in life to make this way? Also let her know how she is acting, some people don't even realize...
Also it could be a mental condition and I have read a story about a woman who went mad all because she was allergic to a food, they finally figured it out and she is all better now.
Good Luck to you!

reply to post by Staroth


I have asked her many times, and basically it's out of spite. As I said before she has self-entitlement issues and expect me to give her money for no reason so she could gamble it away. In which case I don't give her money she acts out. I mean, my dad has taken good care of her for over 30 years and now I have; she should be greatful she hasn't worked a day in her life and still have a roof over head.

...and as far as I know she comes from a big caring family with 7 siblings.

Versus
reply to post by canadiansenior70

 

Since 14 I've been working saving up money knewing how my life would turn out. My parents weren't exactly young when they had me or my sister, almost in their 50s. As a young teen I had to take the advantage of living freely and save money. So I'm living on savings, my sister gets money from the gov., in which I use to spend on her.

You said your Mom was 63 and you were 24. That makes your Mom 39 when she had you. By today's standards, that's normal and it certainly doesn't make your Mom "almost in her 50's." I'm having a hard time believing everything you've said, mostly because a lot of your complaints are vague or generic. And this one simply is not true by your own words.

My mom is the devil. She has:
- Stolen money from family

She's part of the family. Did she steal money from herself? Or are you talking about more distant relatives? Yes, "stealing money" is bad, but you provide no context. If my wife takes $20 from my wallet, is she stealing? Nope. It's community property.

- Cheated on my dad 3 times

Surely not in her current decrepit state. Your dad has been dead three years. It's a moot point, and it's not like this never happens with couples. You're being very judgmental here.

- Abused her children

"abuse" is a loaded term. Did she physically abuse you and your sister leaving scars and broken bones, or did she yell at you, which you didn't like?

- Caught her smoking in front of newborns

Oh, my God The depravity of it all! I'm sure those newborns are scarred for life!

- ruined my home, tabacco spits and cigarette ashes all over my house very unhygenic

YOUR home? Really? You own it and bought it with your own money? Or is it your Mom's home, which you are living in. yes, smoking is a dirty habit, no question. I'm sorry, but it's not a deal killer.

- prayed for my death

She must have told you that unless you overheard her conversations with her deity. In any case, it sounds like the hatred is mutual. Why is it okay for you, but not for her. Sounds like you have been praying for the same thing.

- thrown away thousand of dollars worth of electronics; laptop/games

My Mommy threw away my beloved red corduroy jacket, too. I was devastated. I've never forgiven her, evil person that she is. But "thousands"? That means you had thousands to spend on trivia in the first place. So how poor are you, really?

Now if she does have diabetes (probably adult onset Type II), then at least initially, it's controllable by a very cheap pill. Even if you pay full price, it's generic and not expensive. If she's not taking even that, you won't have long to wait because her condition will deteriorate anyway.

You see, when you get specific with your complaints, they come off as very trivial. The real issue here is that you feel put out for being stuck helping your family. You feel obligated to, but you really don't want to, and that makes you angry.

And some of your story does not make sense. Here you are without a job and somehow you are living well enough to still have an internet connection. You say you are living on savings you accumulated as a teenager. Wow, that's amazing given that teens rarely make more than minimum wage and 14 year olds can't legally work without a permit. Unless you are a teenage rocket scientist, there's no way you are "living on savings." In fact, your living on the government dole intended for your sister. In other words, you are trading not having to work for caring for your family. You are being compensated.

If things are as bad as you say, then you need to leave. One would hope you'd find a place for your sister before you did, but given your hatred for your mother and how evil she is, it's hard to believe you owe her anything at all.

Yes, I know you won't like this and will likely lash out at what I have said. But ATS is not just a place where you can get sympathy and ATS should NOT be a place that simply acts as your co-dependent. You have serious issues, and perhaps you ought to see a professional, if not for yourself, then for your family, who it sounds like is at your mercy. If anyone is vulnerable here it is them, not you.

But eventually you have to leave. So leave. And live with your decision.

Firstly reading your OP it's difficult to tell what has actually happened and what has led to this "hate"
She obviously has issues and as we are only hearing your side of events, it's impossible for anyone to know what's really happened and what the truth is.

If everything you say (Which is very vague and hard to work out) is true and she is some devil woman who abuses kids and spews hate everywhere, then you should get her some help.
She needs evaluation and I don't think being at each others throats all the time is helping either of you.

It would be interesting to hear her side of the story and for us to be able to know what has really happened and what's going on, regards her behaviour towards your sister, her throwing out gadgets and games etc etc.


If you are just an innocent young person who has the devil as their mum, then you should leave and take you and your sister out of it.

If you're just bitter because you've had to care for two sick relatives while your friends have all been out having fun and being young, and you've constantly reminded your mum how your hate her and you're constantly fighting with her and telling her how you feel... well, that's a different story all together.

Am I wrong to HATE my mom

It depends ....

According to Christianity, you shouldn't hate anyone. Hate the sin, love the sinner.

According to evolutionary psychology, hating someone who does evil and who is dangerous is an important survival instinct and you should listen to what it's telling you about how to handle the woman. (i.e. ... stay away from her)

My own mother is passive aggressive. She tells lies at my expense in order to gain herself
attention. I have to work very hard not to allow hate for her to enter my heart. That would
hurt me and do nothing to her. But at the same time, I keep her far far away so as to protect
myself from her manipulations.

Some people here may be questioning your honesty when it comes to your mother, but the fact is, you cannot stand her. I would figure out a way to ditch her. I wouldn't want someone I couldn't tolerate living with me. Who wants to live with that kind of stress and frustration? Some relationships aren't worth the effort of trying to fix. Life is too short. Evict the negativity because all it is doing is renting space in your head for free.

reply to post by schuyler


It's only vague cause I'm using a mobile device, as concise and coherent I want to be, I can't. Of course I also refrain from going into too much detail.

To answer your question about my wealth...There's such things as jobs that pay under the table.

And I never said I prayed for her death. Don't put words in my mouth please...

You have to actually give a damn about someone to really hate them.. so youre still emotionally attached by the umbilical cord. If you are hating her.. then you still give a damn or want her as a mom. Im squirrelly.. If I get to the point approaching hate.. a switch flips and I feel NOTHING.. just an annoyance and can cut them out completely from my life. This has served me very well throughout my life. I dont live in misery due to anyone. They can take that toxic crap with them wherever they go.. but it wont be around me. The flip side is bad to some I guess.. I cant turn it back on for them. Maybe you can do this too. Makes life a hell of a lot more simple.

If youre still putting up with her crap though.. you arent at that point with her anyway. Its some weird messed up psychological poopie when you let someone hold you hostage like that.. just because of familial relation. When you truly HATE someone.. its a totally different matter... well as I understand it myself anyway. Give her some parameters.. if youre serious and walking the walk.. when she screws up...cut her off for a bit. Be firm in your lines in the sand.. or dont make them. KWIM??

Maybe Im weird OP. I dont think the opposite of love is hate. Hate is an unreasonable weird thing all by itself. The opposite of love is the absence of love. Not hate.

Versus
reply to post by MrLimpet

 

My mom is the devil. She has:
- Stolen money from family
- Cheated on my dad 3 times
- Abused her children
- Caught her smoking in front of newborns
- ruined my home, tabacco spits and cigarette ashes all over my house very unhygenic
- prayed for my death
- thrown away thousand of dollars worth of electronics; laptop/games

And many other things.

NURSING. HOME. Dump her there, leave her there.

But make sure to visit her often and make sure she is okay, and being taken adequate care of. She's still your mother, and still gave you life.

I'm sorry that your the very person that birthed, is the most horrible and selfish person you know. I have not met any truly horrible people in my life, just some liars, assholes, and sh*t starters. That's it. But your own mother? I can;t even begin to imagine.

Did you try talking to the woman? Seeing what her damn problem is? Or is she just selfish and mean from your childhood? Maybe she is just stressed form something in her past? She didn't grow up very well, and her parents probably treated her like crap too? It takes a level of understanding and empathy to get through to people like this, and it's always easier to just simply do the verbal equivalent of pushing them down the stairs (or in many cases, literally doing that). But if she is just a shi**y person for no reason, and you can't get in her head and get a good level of mutual compassion established, dump her at the first nursing home you can find.

Versus
reply to post by UxoriousMagnus

 

Throwing games is like throwing out money. Money might come easy to you, but not me.

I don't think money comes easy to anyone right now but still on the scale of "evil" this is pretty low. Don't get me wrong....still feel for you but the things you mention as "evil" are you know....not so "evil" is all.

reply to post by UxoriousMagnus


It's more of the accumulations of things that she does that makes her evil. I mean she completely counter-productive to everything I try to do to make it hospitable for all of us.

Anyway, it's whatever now I guess. Spent a full day talking about this, and feeling slightly better. I'll be leaving, thanks for all input ATSers.

Versus
reply to post by schuyler

 

It's only vague cause I'm using a mobile device, as concise and coherent I want to be, I can't. Of course I also refrain from going into too much detail.

Oh, nonsense. Your post was lengthier than most on here and has nothing to do with a "mobile device." That's a shallow excuse.

To answer your question about my wealth...There's such things as jobs that pay under the table.

Under the table jobs don't pay a mint unless you have something VERY valuable to trade. That doesn't answer the question anyway. You're not disclosing (and you certainly don't have to), but it strains credulity to believe you are living on savings accumulated as a teenager. That doesn't pass the smell test.

And I never said I prayed for her death. Don't put words in my mouth please

Oh, c'mon. Your whole rant is about HATING your Mom. That's the title. It's not as if you are a loving daughter wanting to find a way out of this mess. It's obvious you despise her--or is that putting words in your mouth, too?

You don't have to answer what I've brought up. It's plain for everyone to see. But no matter what I've said in my posts, the bottom line is this: You need professional help. I hope you get it. Whining on ATS is not the way, however.

reply to post by schuyler


It actually is a huge hassle posting with an android. Sometimes I end up moving the cursor to middle of the post and could never get to the last sentence, so I end up deleting it.

You're right I don't have to disclose how I earned my money.

Hate =/= wanting someone to die. Stop being presumptous.