posted on Nov, 12 2013 @ 02:12 AM
I rarely drink, and I never get drunk, ever. Except tonight. Last time was 15 years ago. There is only one thing that can cause me enough pain to let
it get this far and that is my kids (don't worry, they aren't here, I would never drink if they were.) Their father has caused so much pain in
everyone's lives, especially theirs and I am powerless to stop it. It's my fault. I was young and dumb and had kids with the wrong man. An abusive
Unfortunately, by drinking, I hurt the man that I love, the one I wish I had my kids by. I just wanted to dull the pain that has been building up for
the last 14 years. Stupid mistake. For whats it's worth, I just needed to vent. I am sure people will say ATS isn't the right place for something like
this and I agree, but here I am anyways.
I love my kids to death, I just wish motherhood didn't hurt so much sometimes, especially when you know you are the one responsible for their pain by
choosing their father.
Sometimes I wish I don't care so freaking much, so he couldn't use hurting my kids against me, but he knows I would rather take the hit than to see
I guess I have hurt several people tonight, I don't know how to fix things. I am so freaking tired of people getting hurt because of me.
Choose who you have children with wisely folks. There is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer because of it.
edit on 12-11-2013 by
calstorm because: (no reason given)