I Love You.

Dont know what happened..but im sorry...What an empty thing..apologies. Its so hard to write about this without being figureative, but ill try.

It was perhaps the most magical time ive ever experienced. Summer..Blue green night, her hair and eyes matched and melted into my favorite thing...darkness. She replaced and made perfect all the love i had known prior...mother..sisters...father...god. She became my country...our time was cut short...we parted. Not loved since..for it was locked away.

Now..almost twenty years later..she appears...brought back to me in a message from filth. How does this filth dare speak of her to me? How can something so foul present my love in such a way? This to me indicated trouble or a problem...and as fate would have it, in our time apart i had become something of a 'problem' solver. So those instincts took over and i flew to her...not knowing, but prepared to defend and protect with my life.

Our eyes met for the first time in almost two decades...and there was...pain, confusion, loss, and worst of all....she seemed....captured..saw no freedom in her. So for the next few days i swallowed the obvious and tried to ...seeing her again hurt so bad...hurts so bad...she really didnt know how much i loved her...for this little time i tried to show her just how much..i hope it worked. I have lost ...again.

I have no idea what you are talking about but it sounds kind of painful and.... black.

I hope things improve?? Soon.

sikko45
Dont know what happened..but im sorry...What an empty thing..apologies. Its so hard to write about this without being figureative, but ill try.

It was perhaps the most magical time ive ever experienced. Summer..Blue green night, her hair and eyes matched and melted into my favorite thing...darkness. She replaced and made perfect all the love i had known prior...mother..sisters...father...god. She became my country...our time was cut short...we parted. Not loved since..for it was locked away.

Now..almost twenty years later..she appears...brought back to me in a message from filth. How does this filth dare speak of her to me? How can something so foul present my love in such a way? This to me indicated trouble or a problem...and as fate would have it, in our time apart i had become something of a 'problem' solver. So those instincts took over and i flew to her...not knowing, but prepared to defend and protect with my life.

Our eyes met for the first time in almost two decades...and there was...pain, confusion, loss, and worst of all....she seemed....captured..saw no freedom in her. So for the next few days i swallowed the obvious and tried to ...seeing her again hurt so bad...hurts so bad...she really didnt know how much i loved her...for this little time i tried to show her just how much..i hope it worked. I have lost ...again.

That was a nice read. Is there a context for understanding? Or was it more of a creative writing?

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Not sure. Its about real events that i want to talk about but cant...pretty much it is how it reads...many details, but i dont guess they are important..what it says...what it is.

sikko45
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

Not sure. Its about real events that i want to talk about but cant...pretty much it is how it reads...many details, but i dont guess they are important..what it says...what it is.

You got two choices that can keep you sane, in my view:

- choke it down and forget about it for another 2 decades.
- confront it and deal with it

Regardless, while reading it I kept getting this feeling of Corey Taylor underneath there somewhere.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


just talking about what it says..love, loss, pain, intrusion, violation...improve? only with her will i improve..i was pretty ok with where she was in my mind...where we left it..i had a kind of closure, it was my most beautiful scar. And now it feels like a third world back alley abortion doctor decided to try to make my perfect scar better....but of course butchered it and now when i go to enjoy my wings...theyre dirty ..she tatooed them across my shoulders...they werent there before her.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Of course..suck it up, tighten boot laces and press on...as allways. I can do that of course....confrontation wont work, because i must respect the boundaries established by 'her'.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


plain english

1. X wife texts me with the phone number of a girl from 20 years ago...we will just call her S
2. I call her...she says she wanted to find me so she could know i meant something to her...to which i said of course...for she was the thing i had loved most in my life to this point
3. then she tells me sh is dying, and that i have a daughter by her....i wept for the next few hours.
4.we keep talking...and she says she was kidding about the dying and daughter stuff...which is believeable. cuz ive known some pretty crazy folks
5.still the question is there
6.we continue texting and talking
7.she decides to fly me to her for a wedding
I try to get out of it by saying the brakes are out on my car and i cant afford it
8.she throws a fit
9 i goo the wedding...(she makes me cut my hair btw...friggin delilah)
10. I love her again...even more
11. i come back
12.everything changes in communications.
13. Now she hates me?
14. I dont trust text messages
15. there are many more important details.
16. with the way it sounds on the surface, it can be easily dismissed
17. But when looking at it realistically there has to be some kind of techno-meddling going on here

Furthermore...around this time is when i started having my texts answered as i was typing them...IN THE TEXTING FIELD...explain that one.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Furthermore again....my x has been far too willing to 'do all she can to help us get together.' saying shell pay for me to go there etc...saying i should just go up there and show up on her doorstep...in frikn sane!
Im not 'showing up' anywhere...

Thats an interesting story.

Something is odd, for sure.

Good luck on unweaving the mystery (or on healing...whichever you prefer).

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


I prefer...the girl..lol, if i could have her i wouldnt care, thats not very professional now is it? Ha. Healing..would best be done in her arms..solving the mystery....not saying i can be bought with love...but...feelings SUK!