On Choosing Your Sexuality

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


You really have hit the nail on the head. I'm a homosexual male and I've always known that I'm gay - there's never been any doubt about that, even my family knew from when I was very young. You cannot choose who you are attracted to, whether you are homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, asexual, pansexual etc. Yes, you can choose to act upon those feelings or not but that doesn't mean you can choose who you are physically attracted to - that is the bottom line. I think this is where a lot of the confusion arises from.

A heterosexual cannot wake up one morning and decide that they're going to be attracted to men that day in the same way that they're normally attracted to women. It just doesn't work like that because it's not a choice for heterosexual people, so why would it be any different to homosexuals like me? It's not any different. From my experience, anyone that's been homophobic towards me and told me that sexuality is a choice have eventually come out as gay... Coincidence? I think not.

I'm so fed up with hearing 'but it's wrong because it doesn't occur in nature' or 'it's wrong because you won't ever have children.' Of course it's natural because I'M DOING IT ALONG WITH THE MAJORITY OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM. Humans are not separate from nature and that's an extremely weak argument. Secondly, does that mean that it's wrong for women who are unable to conceive to have sex, or that it's wrong for people to have sex for pleasure, or do any sort of foreplay? Again, another extremely weak argument.

You've made an excellent post, very well thought out and civil. Something I'm never able to do on this subject!

S&F

reply to post by TDawgRex


You deserve many a star, sir.

Retikx
Almost every gay man ive ever asked has said they have always known, but the same is not true for most gay women ive asked. In fact i would say only 20% of women i talked to said they always knew.

strange.

I can vouch for this.

I know a number of gay men (and would consider at least two of them as close friends) and I would say that they didn't choose their sexual preference, rather is set in stone and they have no control over it.

My Mother has been in a relationship with a woman for a few years now and I am aware that for herself and many of her friends sexuality is not set in concrete and it seems to be more of a lifestyle choice.

Tejano...

Great thread; I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said!

Hello. I'm one of the only gay guys I know that hasn't always known my sexuality. Up until puberty, I was all into women. Then it all changed.

Idk how it works or why. All I know is that I've never been physically aroused by women. I didn't choose this life. It chose me. If it was my choice, I would've been straight. I've gone through great lengths on multiple occassions to change my sexuality -- which only led to weekly meetings with a licensed therapist. Since then, I've learned to accept myself for who I am, not who I'm attacted to.

So for anyone that believes sexuality can be changed, you try it. Seriously, I'll even set up a program employing the same techniques the ex-gay people used on me. If you don't feel like the biggest piece of crap and contemplate/attempt suicide by the end, you'll get your money back.

I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

Kaboose
I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

Kids and normal people shouldnt be exposed to "abnormal" gays?? Maybe.. if theyre having sex in public... though I havent seen that. Most of the time I cant tell if a person is gay.. mainly because a persons sexuality isnt the first thing I look for I guess. I have definitely seen heteros flaunt their sexuality in pretty abnormal ways in public amongst the civilized though.
They shouldnt get married and adopt kids? Marriage is just a govt contract. It isnt a holy institution anymore when the govt gets its fingers into it. Heteros certainly dont take the vows to heart.. look at the divorce rate. As far as adoption, have you looked at what heteros do to their kids too?? Damn, your sexuality doesnt determine what kind of parent you are or if you will or will not treat a child good. There are some heteros I wouldnt trust to care for a goldfish... but they pump out kids cause they have a "right" to.

reply to post by Kaboose

Wow, that was a lot of thinly veiled hate...lets examine:

born with to much of the wrong hormones

becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head

don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either!

not in public

kids and normal people

sick behavior

seems kind of contradictory, after all of that, to say this:

We shouldn't be mean to gays

Dontcha think?

Advantage

Kaboose
I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

Kids and normal people shouldnt be exposed to "abnormal" gays?? Maybe.. if theyre having sex in public... though I havent seen that. Most of the time I cant tell if a person is gay.. mainly because a persons sexuality isnt the first thing I look for I guess. I have definitely seen heteros flaunt their sexuality in pretty abnormal ways in public amongst the civilized though.

They shouldnt get married and adopt kids? Marriage is just a govt contract. It isnt a holy institution anymore when the govt gets its fingers into it. Heteros certainly dont take the vows to heart.. look at the divorce rate. As far as adoption, have you looked at what heteros do to their kids too?? Damn, your sexuality doesnt determine what kind of parent you are or if you will or will not treat a child good. There are some heteros I wouldnt trust to care for a goldfish... but they pump out kids cause they have a "right" to.

Yeah I always chuckle at the whole argument against gays adopting kids on the assumption they will be bad parents. If the birth parents had been good parents to begin with those kids wouldn't be up for adoption in the first place.

Good parenting isn't based on whether the parent is in a relationship with someone who happens to have the same genitalia. It just comes down to a loving home where the kids get attention and the caretakers don't abuse them.

Overwhelming majority of adults who report physical, mental, or sexual in childhood came from backgrounds that didn't involve two gay parents.

Either way I'm atheist and government contracts are not religion based. I'm getting married to a woman. I will find my best gay male pal to create a baby with someday. The child will have hordes of adults who will love/support it. I go to gay parades...and there's not a durn thing the psychos can do about it.

If they were truly worried about children they'd create a program that gives out free birth control so people who are in no place to have children will stop having them.

Kaboose
I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

So much ignorance in one post. Firstly if your committing homosexual acts then your already at least bisexual. If you became increasingly gayer as you Committed homosexual acts. I would literally be to gay to function now. Why should I keep my homosexuality to my self? That would indicate I was doing something wrong. I'm not, I'm just being myself. If I want to hold my partners hand in public I will. I have been with him for 6 years. Longer then most of my heterosexual friends manage in a relationship. As for the adoption issue, 2 loving and supportive same sex parents are more then capable of raising a child. Being able to naturally have children does not make you a good parent.

Homosexuality is simply NOT a choice. I've always known I was different. I can actually remember in primary school hearing the word 'Gay' for the first time. I had to ask my friend what it meant but as soon as I was told I knew that's what I was. My life was never the same.

There is no excuse for ignorance and bigotry. Especially not when people use their 'faith' to justify it. If there is a God and I am very very sceptical about that, I don't think he would create me with a limited amount of time on this earth and then demand I spend it living a lie and suppressing my emotions.

Kaboose
I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

SO you admit to having homosexual urges? When did you decide to be hetero instead of homo? How hard do you have to fight to repress your homosexual desires?

One of my daughters is a lesbian and one of my granddaughters is a lesbian. Now I know from their experiences that they did not choose to be gay, it was COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that they were lesbians by the time they both were 6 or 7 years old. For them, they were absolutely born with their sexual preference.

They were both born into what would be considered by society a "normal" family lifestyle. Their sexual orientation emerged when they were still in Kindergarten and 1st. grade. While I do understand that there are many factors that can effect a persons sexuality, in many, many cases it just is as simple as being born with your sexual preferences oriented toward the same sex.

And in regard to the discussion pertaining to valuing the beauty of the human form versus being sexually attracted to it.

I'm a heterosexual female. I've never in my entire life span been attracted sexually to woman. I have however always been able to appreciate the form and beauty of the female body. I can look at a naturally beautiful woman and completely appreciate her beauty and in no way become sexually aroused by her beauty.

I believe some people are confusing looking at people of the same sex and becoming sexually aroused and or sexually attracted by that and appreciating the beauty of the human form.

People who are completely secure in there own sexuality I believe understand the difference.

I have a brother who is probably the biggest gay basher that I have ever personally known. He would rather put a bullet in his head then tell you that Clint Eastwood (I'm using him as an example because he's so fine!) is or at least was in his younger years a very handsome manly man. The things he says about gay people is absolutely despicable. The interesting thing to note however is that this brother is 56 years old, is not married, has no children, only has male friends, has NEVER dated a woman in his entire life and lives at home with our mother.

So lets call this for what it really is, he's a closet homosexual who uses a front of total homophobia to hide from his own sexuality. What he will never accept is the fact that he was born that way.

He did not choose to be gay, but he is choosing a life of complete isolation and loneliness and covering it all up with some truly despicable gay bashing.

reply to post by pheonix358

I watched once as a man died from aids over a period of time. His mate was with him until the end and the pure love that they shared made me envious. It was the type of love that love sonnets are made for. It made Romeo and Juliet seem like a kiddies play. Love knows no bounds.

Relationships are complicated things - and simple at the same time. They're all unique, and there's no way of knowing which will last - which won't - and even then, not lasting doesn't mean they weren't gems - that they weren't meaningful. Some last a lifetime when they probably shouldn't - some get cut short too soon...

We're fortunate if we have a handful of relationships that are meaningful - or even one - no matter what kind they are

I had a friend once in a similar relationship - he lost his love to aids too. He was devastated. My sister lost her husband to cancer - he was so young - she never really moved on. Who is to say one love is legitimate and the other is nothing? Or worse than nothing?

I feel sorry for people who see judgement and cruelty as their salvation - of course. But the truth is - I feel sorrier that they just can't seem to get this

Several years ago, I was sitting at a table outside a cafe on a lovely summer evening. At a table across from me two men in their 30s were sitting having some coffee and what looked like a very deep conversation. Under the table they had kicked off their shoes and their feet were intertwined

Such a sweet, simple thing - they were so comfortable - so intimate. That image has always stayed with me -

We should all be that lucky

reply to post by tothetenthpower

Awesome and to the point.

It's not a choice. It's just who a person is. And no one should be 'guilted' into not finding love simply because others on the planet hug ancient religious texts that were written by goat herders thousands of years ago.

Side note ... even if it were a choice (which it's not) ... SO WHAT?
Why couldn't a person choose which direction they want their own life to go in.
What two consenting adults do behind closed doors is no one's business.

Side note - I have to wonder about the obsession that a lot of fundamentalist christians and muslims have with homosexuals. I wonder why ... hmmmm .....

FlyersFan


Side note - I have to wonder about the obsession that a lot of fundamentalist christians and muslims have with homosexuals. I wonder why ... hmmmm .....

It seems mainly Americans are obsessed with gender identification.. and Russians.

Its always curious to me...and a little more than amusing at times. If Im in chat or if I dont use a feminine avatar ( or neglect to babble about the husband and kids) , invariably I will be mistaken for male. Ive had females flirt with me in chat right here assuming Im a male! LMFAO! Even at certain places ( gym or sports venue) I will be mistaken for a lesbian. Its so strange to me.. because Im a feminine, curvy, heterosexual female married, kids, and my husband wears the pants for the most part. I think a lot of the homosexual bias may be personality confusion.. on the part of the anti homo folks! Dominant personality women and passive males are seen by them as openly or latently homosexual, when that certainly isnt the case. I truly think its a cultural thing rather than a religious thing a LOT of the time. American culture churns out pseudo puritans aka closet hypocrites due to its double standards and confusion concerning sexuality.

Most of sexual arousal is psychological; you can fantasize about men while having sex with a woman, and vice versa. For example, try to masturbate while doing math problems; unless the thought of numbers gets you off, physical stimulus alone is often not enough.

So, while attraction and sexual orientation is not a choice, the act of engaging in sex, whether it be homosexual, heterosexual, or more a more extreme form of deviance, is. To those who would argue against this, please tell me how pedophiles and necrophiliacs don't make the conscious choice to rape children and corpses. Hell, tell me how heterosexuals don't make the choice (except in cases of rape) to engage in heterosexual sex.

Many homosexual people (in areas with a strong anti-homosexual sentiment) will settle into heterosexual relationships and do their best to perform in heterosexual sex out of fear of being ostracized from society and/or their family. The desire for social (and in some cases familial) acceptance wins out over personal satisfaction and authenticity.

bigfatfurrytexan


So what of people who believe that it is a choice? What, in their own personal contexts, would make them believe that people can choose to be aroused by the same sex? It would never occur to me that someone might be able to control what arouses them without extensive psychological training. Nor would it occur to me that one could choose whether or not the same sex is arousing.

I think you see where this is going.....and it is absolutely not a slur on anyone (being gay is not an insult). However, I would suspect that many who claim that homosexuality is a choice, when faced with this quandry, would react quite aggressively.

People never really place themselves in others shoes to really deep think about another persons world view.

Life can become complex.

When I was five years old my parents hired a 17 year old black male as my brother and I babysitter. My brother was never touched, the babysitter wanted just me. He raped me every weekend, he was very large in the equipment dept. if you get my drift. He was young and very motivated in that area and i was used like a tool for over three years straight.

I am very attracted to women, and I am emotionally attracted to women. Men do not turn me on except if they are well endowed I want to be used by them. This is not natural for me it was learned during my formative years. My life has been very tough because of this, its confusing and makes relationships almost impossible. I was married for over twenty years and thought I had a handle on it.

Then seven years ago the part of me that learned to like same sex relations reared its ugly head out of the blue. I explained it to my wife, I did not want to act it out but ultimately she divorced me anyway.

Lifes a bitch.

Try harder to understand other people's worldview. You only have a thin slice. I always try and work backward from the actions to find the original motive. Why does this person do this? Then go from there and work out the endless possibilities.

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy


You can't compare homosexuality to pedophillia and necrophillia. child molesting and molesting the dead are about power and dominance. The same as rape. Homosexuality between 2 consenting adults.

Kaboose
I think most people choose to be gay or not. Are people possibly born with to much of the wrong hormones, I dunno maybe. Can performing homosexual acts change a persons brain chemistry increasing their gayness, yes it can, I believe this was proven to be true.

I do think maybe some people have been molested as kids by sicko's end up becoming gay because they are so screwed up in the head from that event.

We shouldn't be mean to gays, but I also don't want them parading around and getting married, or adopting kids either! They should keep it to themselves and not in public where kids and normal people can see the sick behavior. It is a sin, but I am not the judge, God is, and he will judge the gay people as he knows exactly how or why they are that way.

You are certainly entitled to your views, but I have to say you have no idea how hurtful how you say things really are to some. You have NO idea what it's like to be gay and yet you pontificate on it like you are an expert.

By the LOVE you show one to another they shall know you are my disciples. You make a caveat of don't
be mean to gays and yet your entire post is filled with hate. I don't like much PDOA from anyone and I don't even care when I meet people if they are gay or straight. It never enters my mind upon meeting people who they are sexually engaged with, but I can say I don't like rude behavior from anyone.

I hope when and if you get to heaven that you will see just how disappointed you have made our Father by your comments. I don't think you will hear "well done". And that just MY opinion.

reply to post by Megatronus


You are assuming everyone has your worldview. not everyone is born gay. Some are inflicted with it by being raped as a child (see my post above) the sicko that did this to me is straight and married to this day.

Me, my life was ruined by him.