My son... I miss him

I am a 25 year old father that after experiencing a bad break up, had my son taken away from me by the woman I still love. I am here because I am lost and depressed and I need more motivation. I am sinking in my own depression.

A little bit about the break up. I dated a girl for 2 years before we had our first child. After my son was born things went okay for a while but arguing started to take it's tole on the relationship. I became more distant, she became a pathological liar (or just started showing it). These two things alongside our parents wanting us to separate is what inevitably ruined the relationship. She continued to lie more, I continued to distance myself from her and it was finished in a passionate showdown of words.

Since the original break up. After the break up, we hung out and hooked up a bit. Spent family time together etc. Shortly after that she stopped responding as much. She had only let me take my son 2x's since the break up a year and a half ago. It became apparent rather quickly (within 3 months) that from that point on, she wouldn't be allowing me to take my son. She still let me see him but after weeks of not responding to calls or emails... God forbid I show up at her house to see my son. So from there own it's only gotten worse. She has't responded in 2 months and they last time she let me see my son was march 11 2013, my sons birthday.

So by now a lot of you are asking, why haven't you taken her to court? I'd never admit it to her but one of the reasons I love my son as much as I do is because of how much I love her... My love of her is also a burden to me. In my eyes, she took my son away from me. Something I didn't (edited did to didn't) deserve because of how our relationship fell apart. Truth is, she really does know how much I love my son. She let him fall partly down the stairs once and I got heated on her (not the best thing to do) or when she went out at a party and gave my son to a stranger to # a guy she hadn't seen in 5 years I flipped. I'd kill her if it meant my son wouldn't be mistreated like that and she knows that. I think she has fear of my son loving me more than her.

I am just unable to forcefully take him back because the woman I love took him away from me in my time of emotional collapse.

How do I overcome this, how do I become stronger and force this on her?

It is no longer about you or her it is about your son. She seems petty and you have your head stuck somewhere. Your son needs you in his life. Unless of course you are some kind of monster. Do not let your current state of blindness derail a relationship with your son. You will regret it as the years go on. Soon it will not be repairable and she will twist him to hate you because you left. Take her to court. She does not care about you. Put her behind your son and it becomes clear. Sorry to be blunt but I have a buddy who sounds like you. If I didn't know how he feels about this site and such topics I woulda simply replied.

Matt????

reply to post by BlastedCaddy


I've been down that road. Oddly I was abandoned at two points in my life by both my parents. Both of which I love to this day even though I don't express emotion like that to my family. I was abandoned by a drug addict alcoholic father who wanted to drink more than to associate with my mom... Yet I sit here fully understanding of that. I don't blame my dad. He should have done better but I can understand how he needed to peruse something in his life as well. It's not the same exact situation because I really care... so f'ing much... But If I had the choice to spare my life as it is today to make sure my father had a better life, I would... Am I just weird?

I agree with BlastedCaddy... Imagine telling your son one day that you couldn't see him because you "loved" his mommy too much... Imagine how he will take it, and how good a reason it sounds to him.

THAT above anything else, will help you lose him in the future.

If you can't fight for him, what good are you to him?

reply to post by Antipathy17


You man up and do what's right for your son. Get over her and so you can be ok with being around her when it comes to your son.

My divorce was final April 22 of this year. My son is 4 bad my daughter is 3. My ex and I are cordial to each other even as I continue to catch her in lie after lie. I see it her what she is now and it helped me get over the breakup.

Be a dad to that kid. Its a win win. It will help with your depression. I see my kids everyday. At first the ex hated it and fought me on it. In the end she realized I'm not going to go a day without those kids and she eventually accepted it. I have my court appointed time and much more.

At some point you're both going to have to grow up and be civil with one another to be stable parents.

reply to post by Antipathy17


Your "love" for her at this point is just a set of beer goggles that you need to take off.

reply to post by Antipathy17


So you just give up? If you allow petty emotion to stay your hand when you should strike and claim what is rightfully yours you do not deserve to have a child. She has not showed love to you or respect to you as a father simply by taking the child. There are millions of women out there to love but only one child become vicious get a bitch of a lawyer and take your damn son back or stop crying over it.

reply to post by Antipathy17


Fisrt off, not to sound harsh but....grow a set. Take her to court.Get your visitaion rights, then exercise those rights. Be the father YOU want to be to your son. Been there done that. I raised two all by my lonesome. You need to treat your ex as if you two were in business together and the product you created was your son. You are no longer in business together, but the product (son) needs both partners on the same page for his sake.

It aint about you, it aint about her. It's all about the child. After all the lil fellow did no ask to be born. Until you douse the flame that's still burning for your ex, you son will suffer for it. He'll suffer now and damn sure suffer later. Your age young man was the same age I was when I became a single parent of two. The only thing that matters is the future and wellbeing of your son. I hope you the best, but until you put out that flame for her your child will suffer. The product of the failed business between the two of you, is the only thing of importance in all this....... The child & his future. I have all kinds of books and documents about how to deal with the very thing your posting about. You want em, I'll send them right out to you. Take care & peace. OYM1262 ....I'm 50 now young man...life does go on. It came become whatever YOU want it to be, for you & your son.

reply to post by Antipathy17


Sounds difficult, unfortunately it happens all the time. Family is important, now you might understand why it might be important to save it for marriage. I won't lecture about that- Just consider that there are right ways to do things, and there are wrong.
The story I would like to relay to you is about my dad. He had four boys, and then left them. I think that they were all around the 10 year old age. 10 -14. Anyway, he met my mother, and they had me. My mother also had two children. So there are 6 children from marriages that did not work out. 6 children from people who did not bother to really know each other. I was caught in the middle. A lot of confusion to sort through.
I am sorry for my dad though. Life is hard, and sometimes there is just no going back. And I do appreciate my chance at life, but I have to ask, at what cost.

reply to post by Antipathy17


Life is weird in general so all that encompasses life is just weird.

You say you would give your life for your father to have a better one. You have a son. Do not become the father that your father became. I promise you your son will not have the same feelings you have towards your dad. You are a father now. F the B and man up and go show your son how to fish. He only has one dad.

Picture this if you will. 10 years go by and you have not spoken to your son in that long the last picture you have of him is when he was 4. You still remember vividly what your ex looks like because you have yet to let that go. You are out walking on a cold Dec day right before Xmas. It just began to snow. You look into a small Worcester car diner as you pass and you see her you look to your left and you see another man arm wrestling and laughing it up with YOUR son.

Do not say I am happy cuz he is happy. He is not as happy as he could have been if you had done what you need to do. What you need to do is have lawyers serve her in get your son back in your life.

oasisjack
reply to post by Antipathy17

 

So you just give up? If you allow petty emotion to stay your hand when you should strike and claim what is rightfully yours you do not deserve to have a child. She has not showed love to you or respect to you as a father simply by taking the child. There are millions of women out there to love but only one child become vicious get a bitch of a lawyer and take your damn son back or stop crying over it.

What petty emotion?

You need to first have a paternal test done to verify if he IS even YOURS!!!
If YES! Take her to court!
You have no excuse. Sorry but you need to do this IF you really want a relationship with him. Wouldn't you want to know for sure anyway if he is yours?

reply to post by Starwise


Don't ever suggest this to me again.

Antipathy17

oasisjack
reply to post by Antipathy17

 

What petty emotion?

The petty emotion that keeps you from doing what you know is right.

Sounds like your scared to be a father during hard times. Scared to stand up the woman that has you down.

leemachino

Antipathy17

oasisjack
reply to post by Antipathy17

 

What petty emotion?

The petty emotion that keeps you from doing what you know is right.

Sounds like your scared to be a father during hard times. Scared to stand up the woman that has you down.

I am not afraid actually. I am welcoming of it. It really has nothing to do with me not wanting to be a father, I've been begging to be.

Antipathy17

leemachino

Antipathy17

oasisjack
reply to post by Antipathy17

 

What petty emotion?

The petty emotion that keeps you from doing what you know is right.

Sounds like your scared to be a father during hard times. Scared to stand up the woman that has you down.

I am not afraid actually. I am welcoming of it. It really has nothing to do with me not wanting to be a father, I've been begging to be.

I call bs. If you welcomed it, this thread wouldn't exist cause you would already be acting one. Instead of being on this site talking about how you want to do it but she won't let you.

Quit making excuses. Just do it.

C'mon Man....

Grow up bro, you can always get another Women you only have one son.

Also, a woman doesn't want a man that is weak. You sound weak.

We have all had our heart's broken. It's part of life. You need this advice.

Be a Dad. Be the strongest and most mature grown up you can possibly be.

Now laser beam focus on your son. Teach him how to be a man.

No matter how it works out. At least you can look at yourself in the mirror.

Antipathy17
reply to post by Starwise

 

Don't ever suggest this to me again.

I refuse to apologize for thinking logically. Your emotional reaction tells me that you have thought about this before and it gets you angry. No need to get upset. Just do what you need to do. Don't ask for help in a public forum if you are not able to handle any responses.

blessings

Starwise

Antipathy17
reply to post by Starwise

 

Don't ever suggest this to me again.

I refuse to apologize for thinking logically. Your emotional reaction tells me that you have thought about this before and it gets you angry. No need to get upset. Just do what you need to do. Don't ask for help in a public forum if you are not able to handle any responses.

blessings

I never asked for an apology. I know my son is my own, there is no possible question about such a thing. Your paragraph seems to be written by a troll.

whyamIhere
C'mon Man....

Grow up bro, you can always get another Women you only have one son.

Also, a woman doesn't want a man that is weak. You sound weak.

We have all had our heart's broken. It's part of life. You need this advice.

Be a Dad. Be the strongest and most mature grown up you can possibly be.

Now laser beam focus on your son. Teach him how to be a man.

No matter how it works out. At least you can look at yourself in the mirror.

A lot of what I have read hear just shows I haven't portrayed the situation well enough. I don't think I'll be writing multiple page description of the situation in its entirety. Sorry for wasting your time.