reply to post by cheesy
Strap on a saddle, and some armor, and I'll be riding one through the apocalyptic wastelands after the cataclysm comes.
I'll tell people, "This used to be my cat, Gizmo...you know...before the radiation. When he gets angry, he can stick his tongue up your nostril, or
in your ear, and slurp out your entire brain in 3 seconds flat...from 12 feet away."
Then they will make me the leader of their group of castaways deep in the Appalachian Mountains. It won't be paradise, but its not all that bad,
either. There will be moonshine, wacky tobaccy, and women. What more do you need? Food? Water? Some sort of agriculture?
Nah... We just cannibalize any newcomers, desperate for our help. See you gotta realize the human body is over 75% water. So each desperate human
that shows up is a walking talking package with everything you need to survive. This method, bolstered with an aggressive marketing campaign (im
talking spraypainted signs on the side of barns and on billboards with directions to our little hamlet, The Stand style, the promise of free buds n
suds, a flyer under every windshield wiper, the works!) , is what allows us to spend our time making moonshine, tabbacco, and cannabis and chasing
women instead of farming and hunting.
We will call it... New Canaanabalism. The first thing people see as they approach the town is a 60 foot statue made of hollowed bronze of me, riding
mutant-Gizmo triumphantly withmy beer stein raised high and a smoke dangling haphazardly from my lower lip. It will be lit constantly through interior
tubing, serving as a beacon for those in need... Below that on the 10 foot base, will be inscribed "Wherever people are desperate, in need of food
and shelter...wherever people are sick or injured and in need of protection and care...wherever people are on their last bit of hope...I'll be
there...to eat them."
No, I kid, I would never really do that! ...could you imagine though??