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Jin Finite: Exile to Gaia [AAC]

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posted on Aug, 13 2013 @ 12:36 PM
Approximately 400,000 B.C. (Earth Time)

…Far from Earth…

Jin sat in the Judgment Hall awaiting the Council of Twelve to re-enter with their judgment of him. He had been charged with Disobedience of Highest Nature for promoting free-thinking among his clan. Since the Great War, none were allowed to show disregard for the system set in place by the Council of Twelve to prevent another war in the future. Free-thinking was definitely not a part of that system.

When the Council entered the room and began taking their seats, Jin could tell by the look on their faces that this would not go well for him.

Vinton, the High Speaker, began announcing the decision of the Council.

"Jin Finite, member of the Oswin Clan, Planet Ginto; you have been found guilty of the crime of Disobedience of Highest Nature for speaking in a negative voice against the laws that keep peace to our worlds. As is determined by law, the penalty for such crimes, is death. However, Councilman Tilna has spoken of your previous contributions to the welfare of your clan, and to its survival in the Solar Storm that nearly destroyed the population of Planet Ginto only 7 years previous. Therefore, The Law of Benefits determines that death must be removed as penalty, and exile to an appropriate world must be used instead. It has been decided that you will be sent to the primitive Planet Gaia to assist in its social and political evolution. Should an error in your work be revealed to the council, the previous penalty of death shall be invoked."

"That is the decision of the Council of Twelve, leaders of life, creators of law, and founders of faith. Your transport leaves immediately. You will be allowed no more than one revolution to make your peace with your clan and the planet you leave behind. Council Officer Denst will be your escort until your transport leaves."

"The Council of Twelve is concluded."

Jin continued to sit in his chair as the Council exited the room. He had hoped that death would be his judgment. Leaving the clan was the most disgraceful of all the things that could have happened. This time the following day, he would be on his way to some horrible world, far from all he had known. He did not regret the actions that landed him in his present predicament, he only wished that he could have done more to unveil the truth to his world...the truth that the Council of Twelve was not to be trusted.

...Four years later...

Jin looked out the window of his transport. He could see his new home rapidly approaching him. It wouldn't be long before his feet were on the soil of the Planet Gaia, the world of his exile. Jin had not been told much about this world he would be going to, only that is was a world full of hostile life forms with no social customs, no political system, and not even so much as organized language among the more intelligent sentient creatures on the planet. He thought that he could have been left in the void of space and had a more meaningful life.

"Transport 1VA4 has arrived at orbital altitude Exile Jin Finite. Your pod is prepared", spoke the transport's computer system. It had been a long four years with only that voice for company. In a small way, Jin was at least happy to leave the transport.

Less than an hour later, Jin stood on Planet Gaia.

He was astonished by the abundance of life around him. Creatures flew through the air. They leaped amongst the vegetation. The waters were teaming with swift moving things. This world had more life than anything he could imagine.

After collecting the pack with his things from the pod, Jin began walking around looking for a place to shelter. The land was rather flat, so traveling was easy with the exception of a few places where the vegetation was extremely dense. Occasionally he heard the sounds of what could only be large beast moving around in the distance. Instinct told Jin that this was a beautiful place, but the Council had been correct that it was also very hostile.

It was about this time that Jin heard a growl from behind him. Slowly turning around, he immediately saw the large animal from which the sound originated. It was definitely hostile. One look at the long fangs protruding from the creature’s mouth, and the hungry look in its eyes was all it took to get Jin's feet moving.

...and then he fell...

That was all he could remember when his eyes once again opened. Wherever he now was, it was dark, wet, and cold. He was also aware of a severe pain in his left leg. Upon trying to move, he realized that there was something piercing his leg and holding him to the ground. Feeling around, he felt what seemed to be points sticking up all around him. He was lucky that only one of them had injured his leg when he fell. Jin's instincts told him where he was, in a trap, just like the ones they used to build to catch giant rodents that devastated the crops on his home planet. Now, the question was, who, or what, had made the trap that he was laying in. Jin wasn’t sure that he wanted to know the answer to the question.

Reaching into his pack, Jin produced a light and began shining it around the trap he had fallen in. All around him the sharp points protruded from the floor. He had been lucky enough to fall between all but the one that still remain in his leg. As he raised the light a little higher, he thought to himself that the pit was shaped a little like a bottle, and it was deep. There was no easy way out. Jin raised the light straight above him. There were eyes, bright shining eyes looking down at him.

A moment later, a long straight piece of vegetation dropped on top of him from above. Something began making its way down the vegetation, getting closer to him. Panicked, Jin began digging through his pack looking for his knife, or anything else that he could protect himself with. He felt the small laser torch and removed it from the pack just a moment before the creature hit the floor. Jin activated the torch and reached out as far as he could toward the beast. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was all he had at the moment. He was going to fight for his life, even if that life was only a few seconds longer. Immediately the torch began to burn the hair that covered the creature’s legs. The smell was horrible. The creature backed against the wall of the pit, and began howling in pain. The second that the fire that crept up the animal’s legs was extinguished, it attacked. It kicked Jin in the leg that was still pierced with the point. The pain was unbearable.

...and then there was blackness...

posted on Aug, 13 2013 @ 12:38 PM
The leader of the creatures who had built the pit sat before the strange thing that had been caught with their trap. It had never seen anything quite like it before. It appeared to be nearly hairless except for the top of its head and a sparse covering in other places. He was also very intrigued by the items that the thing carried with it. One of those items had hurt him when he went into the trap to retrieve what they thought was going to be the night’s meal. Instead they pulled its limp body out of the trap and took it back to the cave they made their home in. He knew there was something different and special about it.

When Jin awoke, he was laying on the ground with a large hairy creature gazing into his eyes. Although he knew the beast could be hostile, something like curiosity was in its eyes. Jin could see his pack lying beside the creature with its contents laying around the ground. The creature had obviously been investigating what the items in the pack where.

Jin trying to move a little, but the pain in his leg was still nearly unbearable. A small grown escaped his lips as he attempted to sit up. The creature before him just cocked his head to the side a little more curious. Jin felt his energy flee him just a moment before he was able to sit up straight, and began to fall over. To his surprise, he felt the creature’s hand grab his shoulder and keep him from crashing to the ground.

“Thank you”, was all that Jin knew to say the creature.

Again surprising Jin, the creature made a sound in reply that sounded eerily like the thank you Jin had just spoke to it.

This was the beginning of a relationship that changed the Planet Gaia forever.

For the next several decades, Jin lived with the animals of Gaia. They were incredibly curious and adaptive beast. Jin spent the rest of his years teaching them to make fire and how to know where they were traveling during migrations with magnetic rocks. He taught them to communicate with words and with pictures painted on the rocks. He did the work the Council of Twelve had sent him to do. He taught the beast, the ones that seemed so much like Jin, social and political skills, as well as gave them information to help them survive the hostile Planet Gaia. He named their tribe Human.

When Jin took his final breath, the humans were overcome with grief. This strange thing that came to them had made their lives into something they could have never dreamed. They placed his body back into the pit where they had once found him, and covered the pit in stones. They shaped the stones over the pit so that they would point to the four main directions of travel Jin had taught them, and made the stones point to the sky, the place Jin had told them he was from. The shape they made the stones into would one day be known as a pyramid. It was because of Jin that later cultures adopted the use of pyramids for the burial of their kings and leaders. They had all heard the stories of Jin.

There are many tales in the modern day world of Gaia, now known as Earth, which hint at the story of Jin. Most have been changed over the millennia, and have little truth left to them. One may hear tales of the Jin in the Bottle, but never realize that many thousands of years ago a being from another world came to Earth, became trapped in a bottle shaped pit, and made the wishes and desires of early man come true by giving them the tools they needed to continue their existence.

It’s been known for quite some time that pyramids were often used to entomb important members of various cultures, but no one really remembers that deep beneath the Great Pyramid lies a small pit with the remains of Jin. No one really remembers that the stones atop the pit had been rebuilt over, and over, and over again as they deteriorated, and got grander with each rebuilding. The truth about why humans are as evolved as they are, and how Jin shaped the Planet Earth is long buried in history. Pieces of that history contain fragments of the stories Jin told the humans. The Council of Twelve is partial found in tales of popular religious text.

Great theories of Ancient Astronauts abound on Earth, but have yet to uncover how one being came to love the Planet he was exiled to, and the humans that inhabited it.

posted on Aug, 15 2013 @ 12:19 PM
I enjoyed this, S&F. Epic! I appreciated the "djin in a bottle" and the pyramids being tied back to the ancient primal roots of the exiled Visitor. Felt bad for him in the pit, though. :-)


posted on Aug, 16 2013 @ 07:36 AM
reply to post by AboveBoard

Thanks for taking the time to read the story.

I always like to try to connect a little alternate reality into my fiction. It gives the reader something to think about once they've finished reading...a little "What if?"

posted on Aug, 17 2013 @ 09:15 PM
Great story, SnF.

The thing is, there's just not enough room to fully flesh out a tale. I wanted more.

posted on Aug, 18 2013 @ 10:34 AM
Hopefully you will take this as constructive criticism.

I agree with Druid.
Great story, excellent writing but it seemed to lack something, and left the reader wanting more.

I loved the plot line, the tie in and the "what if", but the ending just left me feeling empty.

Still got my flag!
edit on 8/18/2013 by ThreeSistersofLoveandLigh because: (no reason given)

posted on Aug, 19 2013 @ 09:24 AM
reply to post by Druid42

reply to post by ThreeSistersofLoveandLigh

Thank you both for the comments. I will have to say that I agree with both of your assessments of the story. To be quite honest, as I finished writing the story, it felt incomplete. I think I rushed to end the story because as I was writing I began to see the scope of where the story could go, and the potential for a much longer story that it was beginning to demand.

I think that is part of a fine line when it comes to writing stories for ATS, and for writing competitions in the short stories forum. If the story gets too long, it may lose the attention of some readers, and if too short it may feel unresolved. I think this story falls in the realm of those that should have been written a greater length at risk of losing some readers. It's a little bit of a balancing act at times, and I feel this time the shorter length than what the story was demanding did leave it a little empty.

Something for me to think about, and to pay attention to in further contributions.

Thanks again for the comments.

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