I'm gonna miss you my friend

My dear friend Dusty...

I love you my friend and I'm gonna miss you.

Alcohol grabbed you when you were just 13, and never let go. You missed out on so much of life my friend, because you were in such u blur all the time. But I love you. And I know you know that.

You have the most wonderful heart, and are such a great person. I can't believe you are gone, my friend.

The courts sent you to rehab, and the doctors told you. They told you that one more drink could kill you. But you drank anyway.

But I'm glad you quit for that six months my friend, for that is when I got to really know you and worked along side you.

I knew when you quit coming to work and did not have a job things were going sour again. But I said nothing. I did nothing.

I should've come and kicked your butt buddy!

But I didn't.

Then I should've sat beside you helping you along.

But I didn't.

And, here we are one year later planning your funeral, at age 45. Because of alcohol.

You are my buddy, and I love you and miss you my friend. I wish I would've/could've done more for you my friend..
I'm a better person having known you.

Im sorry for your loss.

Theres really nothing you could have done. You shouldnt beat yourself up, if you are. Im assuming the problem was an addiction. Addiction cannot be broken by any outside force discussable on ATS. It takes the force of will of the individual to conquer it from the inside, or to allow it to consume them.

Everyone has to make their own choices in life.

But dont worry.

Death isnt the end.

There are no ends in eternity.

Only new beginnings.

Originally posted by CaticusMaximus
Im sorry for your loss.

Theres really nothing you could have done. You shouldnt beat yourself up, if you are. Im assuming the problem was an addiction. Addiction cannot be broken by any outside force discussable on ATS. It takes the force of will of the individual to conquer it from the inside, or to allow it to consume them.

Everyone has to make their own choices in life.

But dont worry.

Death isnt the end.

There are no ends in eternity.

Only new beginnings.

edit on 8/4/2013 by CaticusMaximus because: grammar

I know you are completely right... just so sad. Feel like I could've done more. But addiction is ugly, and like I stated, it had him since age 13.

Thank you for your kind words of comfort.

reply to post by tinker9917


Remove yourself from any blame. No one can tell another man what to do.
It totally sucks so bad to lose a friend who's been close . Been there.



I feel for ya tinker.

Originally posted by randyvs
reply to post by tinker9917

 

Remove yourself from any blame. No one can tell another man what to do.
It totally sucks so bad to lose a friend who's been close . Been there.

I feel for ya tinker.

Thank you for that

Don't blame yourself. As a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you, no one can make you stop. No amount of pleading, begging or threatening will work. You sound like you tried to be a good friend and sometimes, that's all you can do.

Yeah, can't make 'em stop.

I did't give up and look the other way, but I feel like thats what I did though. I guess a just "accepted" it.

Dont beat yourself up man, Dusty was his own man.

Lost a good friend this time last year to the very same thing, John was 46, stayed with him as long as i could, tried to help him without preaching and nursemaiding him, in the end he was dragging me down with him so i decided to take a back seat and leave it to phone calls.

People get Warnings and sometimes they decide that next drink is more important than the life they are living...Alcohol is an escape at least it was for John, he to was sober for 6 months and doing well, looking great but he very quickly forgot about the warnings he had had, the Doctors who pulled him back from deaths door and more importantly I dont think he thought about the family and friends he would leave behind. selfish,? sometimes i thought he was yes.

He had his flaws just like the rest of us,but previous mistakes in his life led him down a rocky road that was always going to end in heartache for all who loved him.
It was harder watching him drink himself to death than the actual end, because in my eyes he died the year before. His brilliant mind was gone, he was childlike in his thoughts and vocabulary...

Maybe after his couple of brushes with death he thought he was invincible. who knows.

I'll say this...Dusty made his own decisions and no-one was ever going to make those decisions for him.

At John's funeral i had people come up to me and ask if they were part of his downfall because they partied with John right up until he was admitted to hospital for the last time.
All i could say was this,
Whether you partied with him the for last time or the first time what does it matter, John died because John chose to Party with you, me and anyone else willing to party and refused professional help.


Sorry for your loss.
RIP Dusty and John.

Originally posted by Soloprotocol
Dont beat yourself up man, Dusty was his own man.

Lost a good friend this time last year to the very same thing, John was 46, stayed with him as long as i could, tried to help him without preaching and nursemaiding him, in the end he was dragging me down with him so i decided to take a back seat and leave it to phone calls.

People get Warnings and sometimes they decide that next drink is more important than the life they are living...Alcohol is an escape at least it was for John, he to was sober for 6 months and doing well, looking great but he very quickly forgot about the warnings he had had, the Doctors who pulled him back from deaths door and more importantly I dont think he thought about the family and friends he would leave behind. selfish,? sometimes i thought he was yes.

He had his flaws just like the rest of us,but previous mistakes in his life led him down a rocky road that was always going to end in heartache for all who loved him.
It was harder watching him drink himself to death than the actual end, because in my eyes he died the year before. His brilliant mind was gone, he was childlike in his thoughts and vocabulary...

Maybe after his couple of brushes with death he thought he was invincible. who knows.

I'll say this...Dusty made his own decisions and no-one was ever going to make those decisions for him.

At John's funeral i had people come up to me and ask if they were part of his downfall because they partied with John right up until he was admitted to hospital for the last time.
All i could say was this,
Whether you partied with him the for last time or the first time what does it matter, John died because John chose to Party with you, me and anyone else willing to party and refused professional help.


Sorry for your loss.
RIP Dusty and John.

RIP John and Dusty

My deepest sympathy from my heart for the loss of your friend,this is so very sad.Please try not to blame yourself ,you must understand that addictions like alcoholism are almost impossible to break unless the addict has as their first and only priority,to fight the addiction tooth and nail every minute of every day-the will Has to be present within them-no one else can truly help an addict if there is something standing in the way of them being the first line of defence in such a battle.And here is the evil dilemma-usually people become addicts because they are genetically predisposed to it,combined with inner pain+deepseated issues that seems to almost cause the person to have a death wish? Or not much regard for their own wellbeing.

Look,there are parents who devote their entire lives to trying to save an addicted child-it consumes their own lives too-and to the exclusion of everything else,and they would'nt dream of giving up for a second-to no avail-either the child succumbs to a consequence of the addiction-or in more fortunate cases,do recover,after an ordeal for the entire family that could last for years+years-when the time comes that the child begins to Want to recover-by that time the parents+siblings feel like exhausted veterans of an insidious but brutal war that left them emotionally+mentally+spiritually scarred+damaged too.

If loving,devoted parents and siblings can in many cases not save a child/brother or sister through the ceaseless and sustained,concentrated effort of years of battliing the addiction,you should not be too harsh on yourself.We should be our brother's keeper,and our sister's,absolutely yes-but addictions like alcoholism+drug addiction are very very very tough,brutal and insidious enemies-in that it does require the brother or sister(relative/friend) to be the First and most determined soldier in the battle-this is a war where you will lose even with the support of many devoted loved ones if you don't fight hardest amnd most tenaciously yourself.

Again,my sympathy from my heart-and you were a friend to this man,he appreciated that,mit did count for something,friendship is a very precious gift-but to be fair,you could not live his life For him,you could not be in his psyche/mind to flip that switch for him.Yoiu were a friend to him-you gave his life more quality because of that-and bless you for that.

I did lose a friend through drug abuse+addiction too,btw-she only made it to 20 years of age.Dora,I will never forget her if I live to be a thousand years old-she died in my apartment.I was at work,came home+went to sleep,assuming that she was also asleep.But she had departed in her sleep-apnoea,she stopped breathing in her sleep,see.And I woke to find her departed-always this will be one of the most miserable moments of my life-and I had to go tell her family,I did'nt want them to hear it from strangers,even if cops.

A mutual friend told me about Dora's apnoea when using drugs, after she heard of Dora's passing on.I cannot blame myself though-i did'nt know-although Dora herself did know-do you see where a desire for self-preservation Has to enter the picture,for an addict? I cannot blame myself that I was'nt there,even if I did know about the apnoea,even if I had a way of knowing she was going to do this drug, I had to go to work to pay for the roof over my head,I was alone on the world,and no one was going to pay my rent for me-see how one can with the best will in the world practically just not physically be there for a friend?

Just wanted you to know,I do know the sadness that lingers always,I do know what you feel.

Addiction is really no different than marriage. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about it. Plenty of woman have put their husbands in early graves too.

There are years of bliss and glee, there are miserable years where she makes your skin crawl, wish you were dead, etc.

Overall, you realize you would never be happy without her, and having her ruins your life.

Your friend was married. No one gets in between a man and his lady. It was their choice not yours and nothing you can do in afterthought other than cherish their memory. Which it seems like you're doing..

I have lost two friends in the past 3 years due to class A substance abuse. Its hard mate, and im sorry for your loss!

Rest in peace Dusty.

reply to post by tinker9917


I know it doesn't help right now...

But there really was nothing you could have done... He had to want to help himself. You could have helped with that, but he needed to realize the problem first... Addiction is horrible, but the person has to want to be helped, before anyone can help them.

It hurts. It hurts bad. I know this. Up close and personal, I know this.

It's easy for me to say, less easy for you to hear, but don't feel guilty. No one's fault really...addiction is a disease...and sometimes the disease wins.

Remember him as he was for those six months he was sober.

My sincerest condolences, my friend.

reply to post by tinker9917

Tinker: Having lost my best friend of 45 years too...I can really understand your pain.

I can give you this: You WERE there in some way no matter what you think. Im sure you played some significant part, no matter how small it may seem to you now.

4 years since mine passed...and it isn't any easier for me, in fact some days...its a lot worse. Don't beat yourself up over this. You are still a good person....

Some of us are just left to carry on....blessings and good thoughts to you.

You did good just by being his friend inspite of his drinking. There isn't much else you could have done. Your friend knows how much you cared and I bet he's smiling down at you right now. I believe that once we leave here, we go to a better place. So hold onto your memories and know that your friend is at peace. My deepest sympathy to you.

reply to post by Night Star


Great poem.

I'm so sorry for your loss. this thread made me cry.
Please don't beat yourself up, others have already eloquently expressed this.
Hopefully soon you will think of a memory with him and you will smile instead of cry. it is the first big step.
Be grateful for the dance.

with deepest sympathy...

I am so sorry you are going through this, you did the best you could for your friend..((((((hugs)))) to you, You are with friends here, that was a lovely poem the above poster posted for you...

He Escaped his earthly ball and chain that we call a body that's all, life is like a soggy cardboard box with little holes in it!. It's #ed that's what it is!.