My emotional state...

reply to post by SloAnPainful


You've gotten great advice. I would add two things. One, when she goes away to visit family, etc., perhaps work on something special for her when she returns -- such as fix up a room that she's wanted updated (paint, wallpaper, flooring - whatever), clean out closets or such, make/build something for her, write her poems or songs, whatever - that way you are busy and still feeling close to her and showing your love (vs. neediness).

Second, this is a clear wake-up call for you that you will need to build some friendships as an individual and as a couple, and some type of passionate interest in something that you love and enjoy, outside of your relationship with your wife. Something that occupies your mind and body, keeps you busy, but that you really love doing.

The stress of a new job and this stressor with her gone can make your mind race with anxiety. Deep breathing during the day, walking, exercise, ride a bike--all can help. To help you sleep alone (the toughest part of it all), try sleeping on the couch with the TV on, or put on a fan for white noise, hug a pillow, bring the pet in the room with you if you have one, take a warm bath and get nice and cozy.

Ignore anyone who says "man up."

And be sure to work on making yourself whole. There is a difference between being interdependent and being codependent.

Hang in there.

reply to post by SloAnPainful


I agree with what Heff said about separation anxiety.
Add to that the stress of a new job.

I used to have a problem not being able to "turn my brain off" to fall asleep.

I bought one of those little pillow speakers to connect to my radio...and turn it on just loud enough to distract me to sleep.
I use music...others like talk radio.

Also, valerian, an herb, helps to calm me down to sleep easier.
www.luckyvitamin.com...
or
www.luckyvitamin.com...://www.luckyvitamin.com/sb-sleep

Another idea would be the "white noise" of a fan in the bedroom.

Good luck...and I hope things even out for you soon

Ya know...sometimes life puts us in these scenarios to see how we would deal with it.

In this case I believe it's trying to teach you to enjoy your own company. When we are used to other people's company we forget how to be with ourselves when we are alone and vice versa. You are just experiencing the pull of the heart to heart connection between your spouse and yourself. Hang in there buddy here is a star and flag until she arrives back.

Dear Slo - you have a lot going on: no money, wife gone, new job. I can completely relate having had a job where the job duties changed without warning, new management and intense training. It throws you out of your comfort zone and suddenly you feel out of control. Your wife has always been by your side and so now you are having to think and do things on your own without the comforting physical presence. You have no money.

BUT you will learn, it may take tiime but you will learn. And just keep asking questions and show that you are eager to be there and to know the end results - they will appreciate this. Money will come with the new job. Maybe slowly but it will come. And best of all - your wife will return. Just think of this as a blip in your life. Not a bad blip, just take this as a learning period of time for you. To get to know yourself better, to think on how fortunate you are to have such a wife that you love having in your life so much and that you did get a job.

For sleep I would recommend a Valerian pill - this is completely natural and helps you to quiet the inner voice. You just need one. It does not keep you in a sedated state all night but it will help shut off that non stop thinking in your brain. OR you can try Melatonin. Or a mix of sleep herbs like catnip, hops, valerian and passion flower. Does the same thing. You can find these at any drug store in the vitamin aisle. If you can do some type of heavy body work like a jog or hike that will allow your body to release the lactic acid built up in your muscles. Just don't do it right before bed or you may be wound up more than usual. I highly recommend going for a walk near the water, in the trees, forest, park - whatever you've got where you are. Do you do art? Do you write?
Skip the alcohol as it is a depressant and it may make you fall asleep but it has the opposite result in one's body by not letting it sleep in a restful state.

Perhaps get a betta fish. They are so restful to watch, need hardly any huge responsibility type care and they come to know their owner. Just feed them 3 pellets a day and they will communicate with you in a cool way. Just a thought. Little expense, little care but you will now focus on the fish instead of yourself. You are now caring for something live and so your self focus and sadness will lessen quite a bit. They are about $9 (?), a little packet of food and a wide mouthed bowl which you probably have somewhere in the house.

Take care and we're here for you! Hugs!

reply to post by SloAnPainful
SAP can you Skype with her? My hubby is gone a lot and it was terrible before we found Skype. Today we visited while we drank our morning coffee and then chit chatted while we both did household chores. It's the next best thing to actually being in the same room.

Wow you are all are awesome. I can't express how I feel right now..

ATS forever!

-SAP-

try tapping

Click here

its helped me with loads of different things in my life from quitting smoking to recovering from an illness.

hope it works out for you man and seriously try the above it will help.

reply to post by tombangelta


I needed advice not theropy...

-SAP-

Not sure of what your surroundings are, but make a point of getting into nature every day after work. I live in the country just outside my town. I walk my dogs every day through the fields and hedgerows behind my house.

My traditional Chinese doctor says its common knowledge that folks with depression or anxiety in Asia walk in nature among large mature trees and other living plants. Apparently it has to do with the frequency with which these living things vibrate. My lower versus the urban environment which vibrates much higher with all its concrete, machines, pollution, and white noise.

Anyway I always feel better when I relax and let go of the day back among the maple, beech, birch and oaks. Usually take a knife along and look for a nice maple walking stick.

Wait till you have been married to her for 25 years, you will be so happy when she leaves town to go visit someone. I think You are just upset because you do not have any money while she is gone. I know that would irk me, you have the chance to go do what you want to do while the old lady is gone but your broke. How depressing.

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Sending you much love and good vibes my friend. ~~~~~ (- -) ~~~~~

Thanks to everyone who replied to the thread. It was all good advice and helped a lot.



-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful
I'm glad you're feeling better sugar!
Your missus will be home soon and you can both laugh about this later.