My emotional state...

Hello ATS and thanks for reading this post.

First let me start by saying that I have just started a new job, which I enjoy. However at the time I started this job my wife went out of town (and out of state) to see her family down in southern part of the U.S. Which I am 1000% okay with. However with starting this job I was broke...

She left and the job has a pretty stiff learning curve and has been pretty stressful so far with training. Which is understandable. It just seemed like pretty bad timing. I a deal with my emotions differently than most people do. I am understanding and acceptable of things. But I feel lonely and alone without her here. We talk a couple times a day via phone calls and such. Still I feel alone... A week without her here has been rough. We've been together for almost a decade and I feel like I need that support and since I moved away from most of my friends and they moved away from me that I don't have people I can really vent too.

This is where I need ATS's help. I turned to booze to soothe my emotions... Which to be honest hasn't helped at all. I'm not a drunk by any means but I can't sleep without her beside me and I can't sleep without being drunk... I don't use anything else... I also have been eating a lot worse than I normally do...

I guess my main point behind this is, am I becoming depressed because I feel like I have lost control or am I just overthinking...? I am just confused and lonely...

Any and all [respectable] answers are welcome. I don't want trollers to tell me to "grow up" or "be a man" because to frank I have been doing my best to deal with this and I just feel stressed and want some opinions.

Thank you ATS.

-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


You're just having separation anxiety. It's normal and healthy.

Sadly the only advice I have to offer is distraction... Watch a movie, play a game, take a walk, work with your hands... anything that will allow the mind to blank for awhile.

Drinking will only make things worse. You know your wife will return, so just hang in there and try to relax. Try a diversion like reading a good book or watching some good vids. In time everything will work themselves out.

reply to post by Night Star

reply to post by Hefficide


Thanks guys. I've tried that. Everything I watch or play reminds me of her. I'm not normally like this but I just feel like a wrecking ball of emotions have hit me... and pretty damn hard.

I understand her reasoning for leaving, and that's the not the problem. I feel like I have no one to talk too. My Dad would tell me to "man up" and my sister's wouldn't understand... Uggh...

I feel like I'm spinning out of control as of late... >.<

-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Sometimes change...either good,or bad can be very stressful and not having your loved one around can make it even worse. Keep your chin up..sh*t will get better.

reply to post by SloAnPainful


It's time you learnt to love yourself. It is unhealthy to always rely on other people to feel whole. Sorry but that's the rub. Do things that make you feel happy or content, like reading books, taking up a hobby, meditation or even just watching your favourite movies. You need to start enjoying your own company. This might sound a bit morbid, but remember that we all die alone, so best to love yourself now and feel complete within your own being.

Blessings

reply to post by nimbinned


No it doesn't sound morbid at all. I'm just having a hard time and feel, for the first time in a long time, alone...

Which is sad. I always had close friends around me and people I could call on for advice and such... But they all have their own life now, which is understandable...

To quote Bilbo Baggins "I feel like butter scrapped over to much bread".

I shouldn't feel this way... But I do... I'm sobbing over my keyboard as we speak. I feel like ATS is the best place for me to express this because I am sure there are people that have felt the same way I do.

-SAP-

This is helping and I am thankful for such kind responses. This is why I love ATS!

...and I put the bottle down and away for the first time in a week.

-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Everyone had good advice so I can't think of much to add. I'm not one to judge or lecture and I'm sure you know but alcohol is a depressant so if you're feeling depressed it will only make it seem worse.

Just hang in there and remember to tell your wife how much she means to you when she returns. It sounds like she already knows but it's still nice to hear.

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Companionship is really important. My advice? Give yourself one night, say friday night to drink. Do it out at bars, talk to old men and strangers. Then commit to becoming part of a sober social group, any group. Find a local church to go to, if you need to, and stay after the service to chit chat with people. They don't have to be your type, but you need to reconnect with the fact that people are basically good, despite all the differences:
www.huffingtonpost.com...
This will rebuild your hope.

PEace

reply to post by tridentblue

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Thanks. You don't have to add much but anything helps. Just to know people are out there that care for a random person helps. I already feel better.

This is one (of many reasons) why I love ATS.

-SAP-

I wanna thank everyone who put their opinons in. I feel a lot better.



-SAP-

Been with my wife since I was 19, 14 years later and her not being in the bed with me definitely feels off, every 6 months or so she visits her family for 4-5 days.

I know what you mean, and I understand the added stress of new job could cause extra anxiety and such. Luckly we have several large dogs, and well when the wives not there sleeping in a pile of large animals that love the crap out of you helps me get to bed.

Other ways I cope is I take the time to do things she wouldn't normally want me doing, (like dogs in bed) as an example working on my car till the wee hours, staying at my desk all night on ATS (when I can't sleep its iphone in bed when shes here), eat the foods Im not supposed to, pass out watching netflix all night or play video games on the stereo and big screen at 4 am.

Basically i take the chance to regress back to the teenage years.

reply to post by Hefficide


Heff I am glad you came into the thread.

Can you give me some personal advice (via pm?) or via thread. I need a mans persepective. I know you came erailer but I think other ATS members might be able to learn from my #ups. You are a great mod so if you can provide some insight please do. (I'm young I can use it).

-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


YOUR JOKING RIGHT???

R you kidding, take full advantage of being away from her for once! You're FREE to do your own thing! Go get a tent, a stake some beer, trudge deep into the woods. Set up a camp and cook your stake and drink some beer and listen to some tunes and camp out for a few nights, on a weekend or something. Or go jump in the lake, go mountain biking, hunt a deer, practice some bush craft, do some writing, goal setting and or drawing, carve something out of wood, set up some rat traps and try and catch something to cook, go fishing, go hiking, and or mountain climbing, and just have some fun on your own. Your ball and chain will be back in no time, enjoy some time to yourself dude. Enough purse holding in the mall. Go do something for yourself dude.

Then if you want to get out and meet some new people in your area check out this site: meetup.com a lot of people use it world wide in meeting new friends in there towns and cities. You could try that.

And at least you have a job. Be greatful you do! Tons of people have no money and no job, and no girl either. But seriously take some time to yourself, go out in the woods and camp, hunt, trap, fish and do manly stuff. Enjoy time to yourself. Your life doesn't revolve around purse holding dude! Rediscover who YOU ARE.

As far as all this depression stuff, there's only 2 forces in the world that got your back. Only 2. .... 1) God.... 2) You. ..... That's it. You have to be your own best friend. You have to be for yourself. learn to like yoruself. Learn to encourage yourself even when times are rough. learn not to blame yoruself, not to discourage yourself. Your self talk has to be trained to be line with motivating and appreciating yourself. Not against. One simple way to start to do that is to say "I like myself" at least 10 times a day. I know that sounds stupid but you got to build that habit. Be for yourself. Once you are it's hard to get depressed. Get that self talk working for you and not against.

As far as everything else. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger whether you like it or not. Also.... anyone who said life was gonna be easy or fair, lied. And scrap the booz, use weed, it's better for you and more enjoyable than booz. Booz is gross.

And stop talking to her every freaking day! That's dumb. Take some time to yourself dude. Your life shouldn't be so engrossed in some girl that you forget who you are. I know they can get under your skin but still. Be a man.

reply to post by spartacus699


This isn't a joke... >

But hey if you wanna take that way fine... Oh I wish I could say some stuff right now,,,

-SAP-

Everyone gets down from time to time. That's just part of being human. Just keep busy. Take up a new book, tv show, movies, recreation, and it will pass.

Well i admire you for coming asking for help. Its much better than saying nothing and getting deeper into a depressive state. I always find that exercise always helps to combat the demons. I get into deep emotional states sometimes. Exercise definately helps me. Try going to a gym, Either weights or a boxing gym. Sounds hard taking those first steps and maybe intimidating, But believe me they will welcome you. And you WILL feel a hell of a lot better in yourself. And when you do see your wife again she wont be able to keep her hands off you with your highly toned body!!...And like you say the learning curve will have put pressure on you to, But im sure it will get a lot easier for you, Then you will be flying . I would say that your have just got a lot on your plate at the moment, With a new job plus your wife not being there to support you. Good luck, Im sure things work out well for you

first thing to do is put the bottle away. you know its not helping matters by getting drunk every night.
your wife is coming back to you. is'nt she? im with my girlfriend 10 years. she's going home to russia for 3 weeks in september and to be honest, im looking forward to it. i havnt a clue what im gonna do. i havnt been on my own in 10 years.
but its different strokes for different folks. but first and foremost you must stop drinking. and start eating better. thats not making you feel any good. drinking and not eating. you got to hit the bottom before you can get back up.
your in a lull, but your wife will be home soon. this is'nt gonna last forever.
and come here everyday, use it as therapy. it feels better to get things off your chest

reply to post by SloAnPainful


SAP, I absolutely love that you love your wife and miss her so much. Not enough men care like that.

My wife and I have been together 19 years. Going to work can be excruciating for me because we don't work in the same industry. I don't travel much anymore, but last year and the year before I was gone just about every week. That was horrible.

My best advice: figure out things you normally don't/can't do because she is there. Like, interests you set aside because she didn't share in the interest.

You are one of my favorite guys here (part of the Avatar group) and i hate hearing you are having this trouble. Just because I have experienced similar, and totally empathize.