Never underestimate a woman's desire to be mistreated.

Originally posted by dave_welch
reply to post by benrl

 

Well, I'm not always attracted to the same kinds of women. I see the generalizations, I'm probably not in the right mood for this right, now, but damn it. I need to hash this out.

Of the women I've known, not just the one's I've dated, most of them, not all of them of course, but a good 90% of them at least, always make the same mistake over and over again.

Well then, ask yourself why you seem to be attracted so much to these issue-plagued women. What attracts you to them may be a clue to the part of them that dismays you so much. It sounds as if you are in quite a rut, and I use that word in the sense of being stuck in a depressed track.

reply to post by F4guy

Well then, ask yourself why you seem to be attracted so much to these issue-plagued women

That's easy probably. Hero complex. We know our own. Dave, check your U2U's.

reply to post by dave_welch
Not ALL women do that dave, only women with self-esteem issues. I never had a problem sending someone who didn't treat me well down the road. When my first husband (very brief marriage) went bad I kicked him to the curb even with two babies in diapers to take care of.

A woman will only keep going back to a bad guy if she feels subconsciously that she deserves the treatment she's getting. That is usually the result of said bad guy systematically destroying the woman's self esteem. What you need to do is remove yourself from the picture in this sort of "friend" situation. If you don't then you are a glutton for punishment. Advise counseling and move on!

Oh boy.

A word to the wise. Listen to the Lord Humongous and "just walk away".



You want to be happy in life.
Whenever you meet a woman with low self esteem issues tell her it's better if we just be friends.

I wonder if the mistake these women are making is dating you. If all of the women you date wind up going away, either you're the problem, or you need to start finding different women to date. Women don't go out of their way to find losers. Once they find that the relationship they're in isn't working, they leave, (something that I do not think is done ONLY by women). Next time you get dumped, try no to take it so hard.

Originally posted by WeRpeons
reply to post by dave_welch

 

Funny you should make a thread about this. My daughter is currently going through a break-up with her boyfriend of 2 years. The guy was a LOSER! He broke-up with her, but she is having a hard time letting this idiot go. Everyone in the family has told her it was the best thing that could happen to her considering everyone knew what a lazy and unmotivated leech he was. He didn't work, and mooched off his parents and my daughter. The guy would never make a presence in our house except maybe on a holiday. I found that odd to say the least. My daughter would make up excuses saying he was depressed. What does that have to do with coming around our house and showing some consideration for my daughter and respect for her parents? She doesn't want to listen to anybody and is holding onto hope that they will get back together. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed hoping he finds someone else!)

We have 2 other young women in the family who have also dated deadbeat a$$holes. They were also blinded by love until the relationships finally ended. What's amazing, is all three of them are knock out gorgeous, and could probably get any guy they wanted, but they still settle for these disrespectful and immature jerks. No matter what anybody tells them, they ignore the obvious. The last thing I would want to see, is my daughter getting married to someone who doesn't have the motivation to provide for his family. Not to mention, giving any kind of respect or consideration to my daughter. I would hate to see her waste her life on a deadbeat and find out later she made a big mistake.

I have to wonder sometimes what goes through the minds of some women.

Sounds like you should have raised YOUR children better,what a shame

Originally posted by dave_welch
She was married before him but it didn't end well, I'm not really sure on all the details of that.

What I'm seeing: she was married before, probably to another jerk... currently seeing a jerk... and she cheated on the 4th! You could be setting yourself up to be the next jerk. If she cheats on you, would you be a jerk? If not... then your not her type.

We bring the people into our lives that we need to learn lessons from. Ever wondered why some people date abusive partners? I had a girlfriend who was married to a man who beat her, treated her horribly. Once, he threw her out of a moving car that I was in too. And she kept going back to him; we'd take her to the hospital, call the police etc, over and over and she'd always go back to him. Finally, after 5 years, she left him for good.

And within a year was dating a man just like him.

I thought about this for a long, long time. And there's clearly something she needs to resolve, either a self esteem issue, or maybe she's deep into the victim mentality where she feels their behavior is her fault and she can't validate her love without this abuse or or or or or. Who know? I'm not a psychologist. But I can see the mechanism.

You need to ask yourself, what is it about these relationships that I need to learn? What draws me to the same sorts of women and the same sorts of disfunction in our relationship? And I know, I went through this myself and once I was cognizant of it, I had much better relationships.

reply to post by dave_welch


You seem just as bad off as these women you are complaining about.

You condemn them for constantly associating with the wrong kind of male and returning to them. Meanwhile, you complain about associating with such woman and their return to you.

Perhaps you all need to join a support group to figure out why you are clinging to negative relationships.

Sounds to me like you need to stop hitting up women who seem like "easy prey" (emotionally vulnerable).

Man up, find a great looking woman, approach her - strike up a conversation and see where it goes.
Don't keep looking for the emotionally vulnerable ones. Yeah it feels good because they sometimes are looking for support, so you read that as attraction - when in reality they are just using you - and you are in turn, using them for that ego boost and attention they give you.

I found a fantastic looking, great attitude, just bangin' girl. When we met, I honestly thought "this girl is WAY out of my league". At the time, in my 20's I would *never* even attempted to go up to her. Having the balls to meet her was the best move I ever made.
10 years of marriage later, I still feel that way Go for broke dude, we men think way to much into this.
Find a woman you think you might like, and go for it. You strike out? There are MILLIONS more.

reply to post by zeeon


Well said sir

The best lesson my dad ever taught me

Was you don't get if you don't ask

Whats the worst that can happen?

They say no, ah well better luck next time

My sexy hippy chick and i have been together for 11 years and she is still the one

And i am punching well above my weight with her

Nice one dad.

There are several reasons some women let themselves be abused.

A lot of women want the guy that fracks their brains out. Some women are willing to forgive atrocities by said man just because he's good in bed. I really can't justify what's in their minds I know from the little bit i've learned from some of my friends who've had abusive boyfriends. He makes her feel like a lady and yada yada. I asked a friend one time and that is exactly what she told me, he was great in bed.

There are some though who are simply scared to leave. Some guys threaten to kill them, to kill their families and kids and some follow through when the women leave. Don't look down on these women be their friend....that's what they need.

And the last group of women are afraid of change. They are scared, looks only last so long and they are afraid they might be alone forever if they leave the one man who they believe will stick through it all even though he's a jerk to her. This is man's fault actually. You , society, the tv have ingrained it in most women that unless they are the prettiest, the skinniest and can manage to stay young forever that they have only a certain amount of time to shine and then they are dust.

Whether she just wants a good lay, she doesn't want to die or she is afraid of being alone these women need their friends so be one if you can but if you can't then I suggest a new group of women friends. The last thing any women needs is another fake friend.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


That's the thing though, he doesn't even provide for himself. In fact, he's been mooching off of her and another friend of mine for a long time and they're both fed up with it.

Click here for more information.

reply to post by dave_welch


Can't begin to tell you why since I left my ex back in '03 and never looked back.I'm single and love the peace I now have in my life.There are some things I miss,but not enough to put up with the nonsense again.

I don't date and won't let anyone set me up with anyone.This is how I was meant to live.

Update:

Just got a message from her. Here's what it said: "I am sorry about everything. I have alot of stuff to figure out. I will talk to u about it as soon as i can"

Any Ideas what that means?

In my personal and professional experience, ......She's not worth it, she's crazy, move on buddy

reply to post by AnonymousMoose


While I appreciate your advise. I'd have to disagree with you.

The reason for that is because I know her very well, she's not just some girl I met recently or anything. Secondly, personality wise, she really is a good person. Honestly, I think she's just confused.

I'm just gonna let it go, however, because right now there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it anyway.

reply to post by dave_welch




Lesson #1
Never think you will ever understand women.

Lesson #2
Women do not want advice they want to be heard.

I know plenty of women who stick to men who do not treat them well, they say things such as"I am committed to making this work".

I am not sure why you even lose any sleep over it unless you are interested in the woman.

Nice job assuming all women are the same, doing that shows your inexperience with women..

reply to post by dave_welch


I pretty much spent my 4 years of high school chasing after the same girl with the same results, she would run to me and say "why can't I find a nice guy like you" then go right back to those douche bags she was just crying about....it's not worth it!
In college I found a nice SANE women, we were both psych majors, and now we are both in grad school and happily married. So glad I moved on