My friend girl is pregnant...and I like her

Originally posted by Zagari
reply to post by alfa1

 

I believe she didn't know she was pregnant, we talked about this sometime before, and she said she wasn't sure it was worth to do the test because she " thought " she was still having periods, but instead it was spotting, that she confused with periods...she didn't look pregnant if one would look for it on her body...she didn't have morning nausea at all...

Buddy, I am a girl and that is a lie. You do not "think" you are still having your period. You know. You do not misunderstand what a period is, or spotting. You are not "confused with periods" and almost no one on their first baby looks pregnant in the first couple of months. I don't care how uneducated she is or claims to be.

She knows what a period is by 23. Even if she was a very late bloomer and never had a period until she was 16, that's still 7 years of period experience. It's not that hard to figure out. 7 x 12 = 84 periods at the minimum and it's more likely she started at 12 which would be 108 periods. She is not "confused with periods" I promise you this.

You sound like a really great guy and you might want to consider waiting around to find someone that recognizes you for what you are, and not just as someone who can easily be deceived.

people confuse spottng with periods all the time...those things are all over the net.

forums.fertilitycommunity.com...


www.healthboards.com...


www.medhelp.org...

I'm a little late to the thread here, but I'll do my best.

First off, he should know if she's pregnant with his kid.

Secondly, you need to think hard about it. How does she act towards you? Is she physically affectionate to you? If she is, then it looks like she actually has feelings for you. If she isn't, then she may just be using you to get some support and security.

reply to post by Zagari

Honesty is the best policy. Even if in the short run it will bite you in the ass, in the long run you will be glad you did. Just make sure your honest with yourself. And make no mistake that she was innocent in any of this, or that you are or will be if you continue down that road. Basically there is a strong chance of it being a lose, lose situation.

And if circumstances were changed a little, well I do not think this girl will even look twice at you, I mean were was she before her boyfriends left her and she just happened to get pregnant? Convenient no! that only now she is cozing up to you. But anyways dude, do what you want. If you have to ask for advice from strangers your likely already pretty lost. And If its not a two way street with this girl, then I suggest you get out she just may be using you till she finds another. And if its a two way street, expect a lot of headaches coming down your way either way. But really your both a bit to young to be getting into these kind of things, give it a few years don't commit to anything and if your still friends and together and don't hate each others guts? Well some people just may consider that a miracle.

reply to post by Zagari


Have you ever considered yourself as a man just fell into infatuation? If I were you, I would definitely analyze my feelings before running into trouble or becoming a sandwiched doormat.

Sympathy is the therapy to her for the time being. They made the bed, why should you go after that??? Think twice, pull yourself out of the mess and use your instinct. ( Sorry to say that normally men are not as sensitive as women ), but anyway try to put rationality before your feelings. Act as a brother to her, help her to find her ex, or listen to her as usual, if really necessary.

Don't dream that her heart will be 100% with you, for each single day the unborn will evoke a memory of her past; after the child is born, every single moment when she see her kid is most likely is her ex's image. Are you prepared for this??? ( I'm not on whose side, but telling you as a girl's voice. )

In order to clear up your mind, keep a bit more distance from her. It's wise to avoid a tangled relationship especially there is an offspring involved. Life is tough, sometimes it doesn't go as simple as you expect or presume. You are a kind person and still young, there are plenty nice and naive girls out there, don't rush into anything uncertain for your future.

Perhaps you just fell into what they say ''Better the devil you know than the one you don't know.'' But if you don't even try hard to know others, how you know they are not better than the devil you know???

What do your parents advise you?

Good luck!!

Since I was on Va Ca for 2 weeks I'm late too.

Bottom line is you can't fix stupid.
It doesn't matter if it's her or you.

You are too young to take on some 'girls' problem.
You have your own life to live. Move along.

Dude, two other dudes??? SERIOUSLY??? Hey man, thats your home girl, much love, but honestly, RUN.
Stay away bruh, thats some serious radioactivity that you do not want to be part of.
For starters, we don't even know what kind of dude you are, probably a little on the UN-experience side...a little, no hard feelings, tough love....but with that being said, you got to realize that if your going to stay with this lady, she's been tapped out by two recent guys, that you have seen. Thats a mental hurdle there, jealousy like a mofo!! She knows what shes doing, whats happening here is your a sweetheart and you actually like this lady, but are unsure and if she gives you a piece, like a dog, you'll get hooked and come back for more...BAITED, YOU JUST GOT HOOKED BRUH.
I'm serious, support her and help her as a friend, but nothing, if along the road it looks like she's trying to do this alone and not trying for the other dudes, then go for it, it may not be your baby, but you will raise that baby, because baby won't know the difference, baby will just sit there and look cute with its cute soft chubby cheeks and wide eye stare.........

reply to post by CamyoW


Yea but he is probably already with her, for some reason, dudes end up with the broad, then turn around and start explaining there situation and asking advice, acting like it has'nt happened already, EVEN THO ITS HAPPENING AS HE IS READING THESE POST, its more of a re-assurance kind of thing, like, "holy hell, I'm commited, but lets see what these would have done...."
Thats like buying a new phone, then going around asking, "you think I should buy this phone? I heard good things about it"....even tho you already bought it, you just want to make sure your CHOICES WERE ON THE RIGHT PATH....then you find out you messed up.....

Originally posted by alfa1

Originally posted by Zagari
she even asked me if one can become pregnant in certain conditions, in late March,

She asked me out on June 3

She knew she was pregnant, and now needs some sucker to pay for it all and be the wallet, since the actual father has left the scene.

You'll do.

Nailed it. It is the modern way, also known as alpha's for f.... , and beta's for bucks.

I'm currently taking a few weeks to think about the whole situation...I don't speak to her since a week, and I will be on holiday for 2 weeks in August, and I won't see her. I'm going away with my parents. I will still take the computer and the cellphone with me, if she ever wants to talk or say something.

Z,
Speaking from experience.. get a DNA test done,.
I ended up raising a child to 18 when I had some tests run
for family genetic traits, only to find out,. he wasnt of my blood.
cost me 18 years of over 60 $ in child support
In your first few lines,. she liked male companionship is a red flag..
find the facts first,. if it IS yours then be responsible.
if not, she never loved you.. move on

Distance is key here. I would like to say just run your @$$ off now, but if you truly care for her you can still be a positive part of her and the child's life, romantically involved or not.

Take a step back. Analyze(don't over do it) and make the choice that best suits you, especially if its not your child she is carrying.

You know, I have to admire a guy like you for wanting to help her out. As it is seen in the comments here, most men would run as fast and far as they can from drama like this. I'm glad you are thinking this through, instead of bolting like a frightened deer.

Personally, I was younger than you when I became a parent. There are moments when I look at my friends who waited till our 30's to have kids and think to myself, "Wow. I can't imagine chasing a baby at this age." Then there are moments when I look at them and think, "I wish I was that together when my child was that little." I'm sure they feel the same way about me. I do know, when it comes to parenting advice, I'm usually approached due to my expertise and the fact that my children seem to be well behaved in front of them. While that is being said, I really feel like I'm making up the rules as I go, and I'm doing a terrible job. So, I've come to the conclusion no one is truly ready to be a parent until they are a parent. There isn't a hand book or manual that can tell you what to do. It's like most things in life, you have to guess and pray you are right. If you decide to make a real go of a romantic relationship with this woman, for all intents purposes, you will be a father to this child. Once you do that, there will be no turning back. Remember that, while making this decision.

Now, to answer your questions. She needs to tell the father (whoever he might be) she's pregnant. Have him provide child support for the baby, as he is just as responsible for that life as she is.

Second of all, I don't know this girl any better than the people on this forum. You do. What does your gut tell you about her, and her motives? Trust your instincts.

Third, being a friend to her, is not the same as being a father to the baby. It's one thing, if you are romantically involved with her, it's another if you are platonicly involved. No matter what your gut says, be supportive and a good friend. She needs good friends now.

Finally, remember, the only regrets people have are actions they didn't do. Make sure what you decide is something you whole heartily want. You don't want to look back and see this situation as a shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how this turns out.

Originally posted by alfa1
She knew she was pregnant, and now needs some sucker to pay for it all and be the wallet, since the actual father has left the scene.

You'll do.

This is about the most jaded and cynical response I have heard. But, that doesnt mean its not true. This type of thing happens all the time. Have a baby by one guy, get the next guy to support it, have a baby by yet another guy, do the same thing.

If you cant distance yourself from the romantic side, then its best to get out now. The same applies if you cant distance yourself from the financial side.

At the most, be a friend. She might need that.

Watch out if she is trying to gauge how financially successful you are, or will be (this will be VERY, VERY obvious). On the same note, watch out if she directly asks for financial help. People like that do not hide their intentions all that well. Its not needed since the person they are trying to manipulate is usually blinded by their emotions. Take a step back and examine things.

From your standpoint you have "feelings" for her. Of course. She's paying attention to you. If she's the least bit attractive, you'll have "feelings." Guys are wired like that. It's just the way it is.

But from HER standpoint, this is rebound behavior. She JUST broke up with this guy and now she's hanging with you. And, oh, yes, she's also pregnant. I don't believe she did not know at some level. Maybe she was in denial for awhile, but her body certainly knew and now she desperately needs comfort and shelter. And you're just very convenient right now. I'm not accusing her of being deliberately dishonest, but c'mon! At 4 months? Impossible not to know.

I've seen this time and time again (I'm old) I'd be very wary of a long term commitment right now. Sacrificing yourself is never a good idea.

Do what you want, of course. And good luck to you. You're gonna need it.

reply to post by schuyler

Sacrificing yourself is never a good idea.

Nor does it ever last long term (settling). Eventually, you'll resent her for it, and regret it enough to end it anyhow.

Sounds like you're still going away with your parents on trips? Way too young to then consider being saddled with another man's kid. (and likely way too young to realize what you really want in a mate right now).

First off I have to say you are a good guy for wanting to help her.

Second of all, you guys just started dating. What if it doesn't work out? You will feel so bad to leave her and her kid behind. It is a lot to take on, so consider it all. Like people said already, make sure she tells the dad or else both you and her will run into troubles later if he ever finds out (custody troubles or whatever else).

Otherwise, go for it. But you really have to like her !

Good luck