My friend girl is pregnant...and I like her

I know this girl since I was six...to make a long story a short one we re-discovered each other in spring 2010 and we became best friends...soon after she got a boyfriend...she told me she wasn't a virgin anymore...
Anyway, since she enjoys having men as friends, we became very close and she often asked me for advice on a lot of things...
In mid-march she broke up with her boyfriend because he was a bit too much controlling/ dispotic with her, he was taking all the decisions and she was tired of his behavior...

She asked me out on June 3 and I told her I was starting developing a strong attraction to her...
She told me the last time she had done it with him was in the first week of March...she even asked me if one can become pregnant in certain conditions, in late March, telling me her mother discovered she was pregnant of her, very later in the pregnancy...I told her to do a test recently...she was positive she wasn't pregnant because she didn't feel pregnant...anyway, 4 days ago she had a fainting episode and went to the doctor to find out she is 3 months + pregnant...

We are discussing our weird situation...her boyfriend cancelled her number and his entire fb profile out of resentment after they broke up...and he lives in another city. She isn't sure if to told him or not...

Since we just started dating, what do you guys think we should do? I told her I want to help her going through all of this since she is alone now...

We're both 23

Originally posted by Zagari
she even asked me if one can become pregnant in certain conditions, in late March,

She asked me out on June 3

She knew she was pregnant, and now needs some sucker to pay for it all and be the wallet, since the actual father has left the scene.

You'll do.

reply to post by alfa1


I believe she didn't know she was pregnant, we talked about this sometime before, and she said she wasn't sure it was worth to do the test because she " thought " she was still having periods, but instead it was spotting, that she confused with periods...she didn't look pregnant if one would look for it on her body...she didn't have morning nausea at all...

its not an easy situation.

she must tell him if she keeps the baby.

he is the father and he has a right to know.

to hide something like this could have massive implications when the child is older.

even now, she needs to talk to the guy about health issues, what is his blood type? what is her blood type? simple things like this can be important. family medical history etc

he may not be interested in the child but he should be told. if he is not interested , i'm sure she would be glad of your support.

however, at some point in the future the child will find out that whoever might be filling the role of 'father' is not the real father. there is an endless number of reasons this can happen.

Every man must find his own way.

Just keep in mind that if you do stay with this woman. You're going to have some major issues down the road.
Maybe things will be great.
Maybe things won't be so great.

Follow your heart but think with your brain not your head.

If that will happen, and I can imagine its going to happen, I believe he/she will understand that I wanted him/her to have a good and balanced life and I wanted his/her mother to be loved by someone. He will have issues with his real father, probably, anyway...

reply to post by Zagari


It's simple. If she is going to reciprocate a relationship and be a true mate, she will initiate sex with you...often. If she is not initiating or at least being very responsive to physical intimacy. It's going to be a disaster for someone. Don't let that someone be you --- unless of course you deserve to be abused. In that case, my advice is to buy a diamond ring for her immediately.

reply to post by Zagari


The biological father needs to know bro. Regardless of if they "work something out" or not, that man needs to know they made a child and that man is responsible for that child. Even if he turns out to be a dead beat he deserves to know.

Could end your relationship as they could end up getting back together to try and make a "Family" scenerio work out. Either way what is happening is not on you.

You can step in if he becomes a dead beat but realize that is NOT your child. Though you can act as a father that child did not come from you.

I don't care how long you've known her, sounds like a dim situation playin out and don't pull the joker card bro~

I understand "We love each other" just need to put reality out there for you to take a gander at.

Hard love/Tough love I won't lie to you about this, in the end she will need a daddy figure and as the other poster mentioned... You fit the bill. But dont' let her pull you along while she tries to work things out with her baby daddy.

She's either in with you and tries to get child support from the baby daddy or she's out and you the ratio of women to men is this world is very good and you'll be fine either way.

Ultimately you know what choice your already going to make and don't need to hear it from us...



Best of luck and god speed~

sulaw

I highly respect you for wanting to help her, considering you've known her for a long time, reconnected, got feeling etc. Very commendable to want to help her and the child

But I strongly urge you, and don't be offended here please.. it sounds like you guys have been dating for 3 months. And she previously raised concern that she might be pregnant (she asked you questions, that's full blown concern.. with girls even a sliver of something should be alarming). Ask yourself if she is the one, because she's bringing a child into the world. It can be devastating if the "father figure" in a young child's life suddenly leaves. After all the time you've known her, you've only had real "couple chemistry" for 3 months. I had puppy love for like 2 years once then it all went to hell.

Just think hard here man, for the child's sake.

She has the OBLIGATION to tell that guy he might have a child.

Period.

You and her are free to do whatever, I hope you raise that kid as your own if you stay together, but for the love of everything good in the world, don't leave a man in a dark about his offspring.

~Tenth

Originally posted by Zagari
I
He will have issues with his real father, probably, anyway...

not necessarily.

you would surprised at stories like this can turn out over a couple of decades.

the child would have issues with anyone who keeps secrets from them. honesty from the start is best.

fast forward 15years. if teenager finds out father is not his real father and then finds out their real father never even knew they were born, well, that's a whole massive disaster gonna explode right there.

honesty from start is only way.

Originally posted by Zagari
If that will happen, and I can imagine its going to happen, I believe he/she will understand that I wanted him/her to have a good and balanced life and I wanted his/her mother to be loved by someone. He will have issues with his real father, probably, anyway...

Why would the child even have to know? Get married, have the child and be a family. If the other guy even does come back on the scene, just tell him that the real reason him and her broke up in the first place was that she was having an affair with you. Sometimes you to lie your a** off to keep things simple.

Believe me, if she has that child and you two stick it out for the long haul, you're going to become more and more attached to that child, and him/her to you. You're going to be that child's father in the eyes of that child. What screwed up adults think don't matter when there's a child involved.

She has the OBLIGATION to tell that guy he might have a child.

Period.

You and her are free to do whatever, I hope you raise that kid as your own if you stay together, but for the love of everything good in the world, don't leave a man in a dark about his offspring.

Yep. And, you can stick him with child support to boot.

You're only 23 man. This is a tough situation. You have to decide for yourself whether you are ready to be a dad, or even if this thing is serious. No matter what though, be honest. Both with her, and yourself. If you aren't, you'll REALLY regret it later.

She's either in with you and tries to get child support from the baby daddy or she's out and you the ratio of women to men is this world is very good and you'll be fine either way.

Ditto.

So, how long ago did she start saying she MIGHT be pregnant? (and why is that dirtbags are always so darn fertile?)

reply to post by lacrimaererum


Yeah, I think I would tell him, in this situation, right from the beginning...

She started with a single question and we discussed it once in late March...and than in the recent weeks she told me she was thinking about what if or what if not, doing a pregnancy test...

I'm thinking about going very very slowly with this...I should start by simply giving my support and " company " to her, than eventually if things settle down, starting a serious relationship with her...

Ditto.

So, how long ago did she start saying she MIGHT be pregnant? (and why is that dirtbags are always so darn fertile?)

edit on 27-6-2013 by Gazrok because: (no reason given)

That's exactly what I was thinking!

Personally, I would be very suspicious, thinking that she probably knew all along she was pregnant, and latched on to you because she needed someone. I'd most likely be out of there and leave her to deal with her own mistakes, unless I was truly in love with her, then i'd be sitting down and having a long chat, all cards on the table.

Originally posted by Zagari
I'm thinking about going very very slowly with this...I should start by simply giving my support and " company " to her, than eventually if things settle down, starting a serious relationship with her...

Play it safe Zag~ Your 23, I just had my first when I was 29 going on 30. It's a life changer, I can't even describe in words the ways it changes a man and though I had totally different circumstances taking responsibility for another life will alter your every action. By my count your a free man and when I was 23 I was tappin a HELL OF A LOT OF A$$~ Different strokes for different folks my friend.

You sound very logical in your situation. I think and hope you'll par just fine

what if the father is a man she liked that is not married yet but has a very young daughter and a girlfriend ( don't know, they may be married ) he has no intention to leave?
My friend girl talked with me about her interest in this man shortly before she broke up with her boyfriend...I talked her off of it because I figured out it was a very dangerous situation...a no no for her to be interested in a ( don't know for sure ) married man...She never told me if she has dated him...what if the father is him and not her ex boyfriend?

I saw a picture of that ( possibly married ) man and I would be afraid of meeting him by night...

To be safe, I would really hold back for a while on this relationship. Sounds like this girl is a possible mess with baby's daddies and possibly married men and a terrible nagging feeling she was being dishonest about not knowing she was pregnant.

Even as a woman myself, I have to say it feels like you're being taken for a ride. The classic case of a girl goes out with the 'bad boy' then falls for the fail safe 'good guy' to pick up the pieces.

And maybe she is an angel on earth- I don't know. I certainly don't want to judge someone I've never met. Just saying you should be careful. With the information you have provided us, she seems like she has a lot of drama and baggage she is hoping you will carry.

Just play it safe, please. I'm tired of seeing good people get used.