posted on Jun, 26 2013 @ 04:50 AM
Hey there folks,
I'm writing this after being up all night with insomnia, or rather, nerve pain all over my body (drank too much yesterday i guess -- causes CNS
problems with me -- twitches, spasms, anxiety etc.) SO .. pardon me if this is a little odd, or out there.
My Mother who raised me, whom I was super close to, best friends, died from drug complications in November of 2011. A few months after that, I
discontinued anxiety medication that I had been on for 4 or 5 years. Needless to say that destroyed me, I was a twitchy, shaky, spasming mess. Getting
sleep was a joke. It's been a year and a few months since, and i still cant stay asleep, and have to take an OTC sleep aid just to -fall- asleep,
then i get what can only be called night terrors, and i jump to a sitting up position from the bed and smoke a cigarette and wake up several times
every single night, usually only after an hour or two. Oh yeah, sometimes I get what feels like a heart beating except its in my palms. I also
randomly itch my hands alot now when theres no reason for them to itch -- nerves.
Alright, so that's the history, now the question.
I've been feeling really odd emotionally. For instance, let's say .. I have sex with my girlfriend. Sure, feels awesome, no lessening of sensation,
but afterward, im just indifferent like it wasnt a big deal, wasnt all that satisfying, etc. Also, even if I were to recreationally use a substance
that i used to enjoy, it will feel the same but .. not content, not satisfied, the reward center of my brain sits there and doesn't want to work
properly. When I see and talk to people, I feel wise beyond my years like I've been through some serious # that many people do not ever experience or
successfully deal with. I feel like it has given me perspective that no one else has -- on life.
I can read people now just by looking at them. I can tell their mood, or what their up to, what they want to do, etc. Just random people in public.
Very detailed too .. specifics. When I talk to people now, it feels like theyre on some lower level and im on some higher level, when it comes to
understanding, wisdom, the ways of the world, and social interaction between two people. I dont want to be conceited or cocky, not at all, but its
literally like... I got more intelligent, and your average random people i encounter in society, people my age or status, when I talk to them and they
explain things to me, even though I dont explain it necessarily verbally, I can see everything; their problems, whats causing them, whats aggravating
them, where they are coming short, all of that. As if I were an old man or something...
I thought by now I'd have 'recovered', but im starting to think this is how I am permanently now. Of course, if i watch my health and stay away
from booze and the like, my nervous system will be fine. I'm more concered about my point of view on society, i feel really odd when in public like
... I'm a GLITCH or something.