the emotional labor of Smiling

TPTB are forcing you to smile? the article The Tyranny of the Smile is well cited with evidence...

One hypothesis says it’s because women are naturally more emotional, expressive, and empathetic. another is that women are socially weaker—they must wear their compliance on their faces, telegraphing to any and all that they have no interest in upsetting the status quo.

emotion labor, defined as the effort “to create and maintain positive feelings and alleviate and rectify negative ones in self or in others,” involves managing your feelings to transmit a certain impression; disguise unhappiness, defuse anger, alleviate pain, and smile when they receive a disappointing gift.

in a study, women participants believed their failure to smile under certain circumstances will lead to social strain. Male participants assumed no one would notice their facial expressions. Lucky them.

the psychological dissonance female flight attendants experience after hours of forced gaiety (the industry parlance for this state of numbness is “going robot”), often results in falling into depression, and losing sight of their true selves.

seems like everyone is "going robot" these days, doesnt it?

to me, this is an indictment of our entire society. one of the fundamental steps in "waking up" is allowing yourself to have an honest emotional reaction to the ####storm. i wonder if one of the biggest reasons people will not acknowledge conspiracy is due to the "emotion labor" in the article?

i also wonder if this can account for the reason that so many of us have reported to falling-out of society or being shunned by friends and family. no longer willing to pretend?

was that too depressing?

lets lighten it up a bit in here...

do you suffer from Bitchy Resting Face (BRF)?

reply to post by tgidkp


i

my mother and more my mother in law are the type to giggle after every sentence. .ever since i was a child I've noticed it and hated it....even got ballsy enough to tell my mom i did not like it....im in my 20s now and still cringe when she does it...she gets the cold shoulder if she starts doing it to me.....im guilty too of it in some sence... i have everything i want so when holidays come around i can end up with some strange gifts...so i spare my loved ones feelings...think its oonly human....

Originally posted by tgidkp
was that too depressing?do you suffer from Bitchy Resting Face...?

People readily identified smiling women as female and wrathful men as male, but they took longer and stumbled more often when confronted with furious female countenances or beaming male ones.

in simulated job interviews, female participants salt their speech with smiles, while male test subjects are more likely to adopt neutral (read: alluringly strong and stoic) expressions.

one type of grin “obeys the will, but the second is only put into play by the sweet emotions of the soul.”

Less clear is whether women are born with superior smile equipment or whether they develop those muscles over a lifetime of practice.

In the workplace, women who smile too little are shunned as bitchy, but women who overplay their kindness appear incompetent.

[sourc e]

Yep, yup, yuppero.

There's still this thing called the chicken or the egg theory of social submission hypothesis and gender emotional labor (the "lying smile", we'll call it).

And then there's the whole double standard thing that goes hand and hand with the chicken or the egg thing.

reply to post by tgidkp


The queen is not amused.

reply to post by DaughterOfARevolver


I have terrible relationships with a couple of members of my family because, well, I just don't trust them. they will do absolutely anything to avoid confrontation (or even serious discussion) smiling the whole while. and then I find out days later they're angry with me about some such.

smiles to cover up all kinds of damage. just get it out already!

...and dont even get me started about Christmas.

reply to post by tgidkp


mine do that too and when i call them on it they just keeps smiling or they get extremely mad and make a scene..i kinda consider myself the 'keeping them honest' enforcer... :-)

I think, no matter which trouser equipment one happens to come into the world with, that it is not smiling itself which causes the problems. It is smiling when there is nothing to smile about that causes the problems. Occasionally, I will be stood outside the premises at which I work, smoking a cigarette, and drinking a cup of tea. Generally speaking I am fairly happy normally speaking, cheery in manner and so on. A regular customer, or local resident will walk by, and tell me to "cheer up" or my personal favourite, "smile mate, you only live once!".

Despite my internal state being one of relative peace, my face may not register this fact, because a smile serves no actual purpose but to communicate to other people, that one is feeling good about something, or is ammused by something. Now, this may seem strange to some people, but I do not see the need to subconciously inform every single person who looks my way, what my inner most thoughts are, nor display my positivity outwardly on a constant basis.

Sure, if it starts to rain while I am out there I will begin to have a small smile to myself, because I know that a) I love the rain, and b) most everyone else on the street at the time hates the stuff, making it all the more enjoyable (pretty bastardly of me I know, but we all have our faults). And sure, if I happen to have had a positive sexual encounter in the last forty eight hours, maybe I might have the ghost of a grin grace my mug.

But when I am just standing there, relaxing, taking a break, I am not in the habit of grinning like a loon. For a start, thats the sort of behavior that gets you measured for a new jacket, and put on the fast track to new, rubberised accommodation. And another issue with it is, that it is totally false to stand there with a smile you arent feeling, stretching your face all over your skull.

Therefore, my personal preference, is to a) refuse to communicate with other people using any but the LEAST subtle means, like my words, my overt actions, b) smile only when my heart is in it, and c) continue to give not one single fig what is thought about that by people whose opinions of me couldnt be less important, i.e. people with whom I have no extensive relationship, and people who might consider judging me on the basis of a couple of milliseconds long glance in my direction, who might well be morons, if they are tempted to make such judgements as they may, on such scant evidence.

reply to post by TrueBrit


I am really glad to see that you have such well developed thoughts on this matter. so do I. . n fact, I think of points directly at the most deeply rooted problems in our society ...the type of problems that people don't even know they have because they spend a lifetime unacknowledged.

since it appears thatno one is reading the thread, I will take a moment to elaborate on a different face of this same problem.

earlier this week I was visiting my mother and she happened to be watching the truly horrible television program "the bachelorette", and on the show they were having a truly horrible "Mr america pageant" with the male contestants of the show. as with most pageants, there was a portion of the program dedicated to the sharing of each contestant's talent with the judging panel.

I was disheartened, but not surprised, to see most of the men make a mockery of themself, and only a few were willing to share an actual talent. I complained to my mother about how typical it is of men to display this behavior. she responded that "at least they were being good sports about it".

but to me, a good sport would openly acknowledge that they have no talent worth sharing, and gracefully bow out of the race. but no. they will rather rely on the social etiquette of self effacement, allowing himself and the audience an escape route.


and that is the whole point of this thread: people (everybody) wants an escape route out of reality.

the average person is just so terrified of what lies beneath the surface.

and worse: the no-talent "good sport" always wins.

Originally posted by tgidkp
reply to post by TrueBrit

 

I am really glad to see that you have such well developed thoughts on this matter. so do I. . n fact, I think of points directly at the most deeply rooted problems in our society ...the type of problems that people don't even know they have because they spend a lifetime unacknowledged.

I agree entirely with this approach. The idea that what one does not know, cannot hurt one, is perhaps the most shortsighted idea ever voiced, for it is precisely the things that we do not know, which can harm us most. The things we know are harmful are relatively easy to deal with, because at least we are aware of them, and can counter them, avoid them, and treat these things. What we do not percieve however, can invade our minds and bodies at a whim.

since it appears thatno one is reading the thread, I will take a moment to elaborate on a different face of this same problem.

earlier this week I was visiting my mother and she happened to be watching the truly horrible television program "the bachelorette", and on the show they were having a truly horrible "Mr america pageant" with the male contestants of the show. as with most pageants, there was a portion of the program dedicated to the sharing of each contestant's talent with the judging panel.

Ah, the parade of idiocy. A group of men whose lives are so empty of meaning and worth that they would debase themselves in public, all to gain the attention of a self obsessed egomaniac. Lovely (sarc*)

I was disheartened, but not surprised, to see most of the men make a mockery of themself, and only a few were willing to share an actual talent. I complained to my mother about how typical it is of men to display this behavior. she responded that "at least they were being good sports about it".

but to me, a good sport would openly acknowledge that they have no talent worth sharing, and gracefully bow out of the race. but no. they will rather rely on the social etiquette of self effacement, allowing himself and the audience an escape route.

I highly doubt that the men in question actually had no talents. Even the most imagination deprived halfwit has SOME talent for something. However, if that talent happens to be flower arranging, or the ability to darn socks, that does not lend itself well to a competition which boils down to a phallus waving contest held in front of an entire nation, and so playing the fool is a last resort.

and that is the whole point of this thread: people (everybody) wants an escape route out of reality.

the average person is just so terrified of what lies beneath the surface.

and worse: the no-talent "good sport" always wins.

The problem with all these shows that have popped up of late, is that the are falsely labeled "reality TV" despite being nothing of the sort. They are situationally controled, predictable, empty of all worth intellectually, and serve no purpose other than to usurp the attention of the masses, away from both thier own lives, and the events which are occurring in thier nations and in thier neighborhoods, and in thier own families, even in themselves.

You are right to suggest that the reason these shows have such mass appeal, is that people are unprepared to confront the truths which lay at the foundations of thier being. Some are not prepared to confront thier anger, sorrows, guilt, thier self pity and self loathing, others are merely unprepared to confront the reality of thier lives outside of thier emotions, unable to look upon thier societies and see the rot for what it is.

Weak minds do not crave strong stimulus. They crave a world which is absent intellectual pursuit, so that they do not have to feel inadequate. Perhaps seeing all these tanned morons on the television, behaving in such a facile manner makes them feel better about thier own short commings?

These are all part and parcel of the falsehood with which your original post deals, the front, the facade. It is a condemnable thing, that in this day and age, we edify the idiot, and vilify the thinker.

reply to post by TrueBrit


wow. what a really great post. thanks for that.

I appreciate that you pointed out that it is likely ALL of those men have a talent they might share, but choose not to. likewise, I do not believe that the people who watch this crap are "weak minds", and that people who exert an emotionally laborious smile are simply shallow.

no, there are real people trapped behind those masks. I suppose this is a common sociological theme, in the historical sense. but I cannot help but feel that the current level of 'emotional labor' present in modern society is at an all time high. so much so that it has recently become an obvious strain on many of my personal relationships.

or is it, rather, that my tolerance has diminished?

it could also be due to my being an inhabitant of, colloquially, "happy valley" Utah.

reply to post by tgidkp


[color=#FFC900]I think it's more of a stress on emotional/physiological wellbeing... if you don't have a smile plastered on your face [genuine or not] then you are thought to be abnormal, depression or crazy in some other way because you come across as anti-social to everyone around you.

reply to post by schmirror


Question:

Which do you think looks crazier?
A) A person who only displays an emotion, positive or negative, when they are actually busy feeling one...

or...

B) Smiling all day, wether they are getting the worst news they have ever had, or punching a random stranger repeatedly in the face, grinning inanely the whole time?