Lazy Lazy Lazy

I have two kids in grade school. I am a single parent. I am often so exhausted by the end of the day it is a chore to help with all the homework/extra curriculars I want to scream...but I do them. I realize how important it is to continue to show my kids hard work and consistency are important in developing life skills. Sometimes it IS too much, but I would never deny my child at bedtime when reading is on the docket. I guess this lady is the new type, where making excuses is funny, quaint and accepted.

Yesterday, Remy brought her books to me at bedtime -- an hour notable for its propensity to incite rage and trauma -- and chirped, "We need to read for 20 minutes!" and a little part of my soul died.

"When I talk to you during the day, that's like reading. You have to listen to the words I am saying and then make sense of them. It's really hard work for you. It's called auditory reading. We've been practicing all day. I'll write the minutes down in your log."

The fact she is so glib in her refusal to do what is right pisses me off. I feel sorry for her child.

UNTIL WE DIE. Children should not be allowed to learn to read until they are already good at it. And why do we have to do this at bedtime when I'm one click away from becoming that scary under-the-bed-mother in "Mama" (GO TO BED OR I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE AND THEN HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS A TERRIFYING CLOWN.) I know having an emerging reader is exciting. Because of the reading! And the literacy! But at the end of the school year, when I've logged approximately 688 million hours with such gripping plots like The mother and the brother went to the store, which takes 12 minutes to decode, then I have to look at the ceiling and sing hymns in my brain to get through it.

What an idiot. Parenting is hard. This lady makes me sick. She thinks it is so funny she writes a blog for a national news outlet and thinks it is cute.

Hi Mom, I'm dumb. THANKS!

ColoradoJens

reply to post by ColoradoJens


Hear you.

I'm a dad of two young Boys, and i cannot abide lazy parents.

Nobody forces anyone into having children, i cannot fathom why people have a family when it's patently obvious a fair percentage of them couldn't care less about their kids and go to great lengths to avoid having anything meaningful to do with them.

I suppose the very short 20 minute stint helping her child to read would have broken into her boozing or crap TV time...she's really got her priorities sorted!!

And how does one get 'good at reading' if you don't learn to read until you're good at reading?!?

Perhaps she thinks one shouldn't try to be a good parent until you've experienced being a parent and the kids have left home?

reply to post by MysterX

I suppose the very short 20 minute stint helping her child to read would have broken into her boozing or crap TV time...she's really got her priorities sorted!!

Exactly. I can't take the selfish nature that pervades so many people these days. Oh well, at least your kids MysterX will one day as adults thank you for your effort to make them responsible and successful adults. I think by your post that will be worth more than anything else in the world.

CJ

reply to post by ColoradoJens


Thanks CJ, same to you and yours.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


From a teacher....THANK YOU.

Thank you for caring enough to invest in your child's future, even at the cost of your personal sanity.

The lessons you are installing in your child are more than just homework is important...you are putting THEM first. That's selflessness and love in action.

My parents did this for me, and I will always treasure those memories. Snuggling under the covers, listening to Dad do the "funny voice" for the umpteenth time, or mom rereading my favorite book that she had memorized. Believe me, your children will never forget this time with you.

I wish our society had more parents with your dedication. S&F

uhh.. you guys sound kinda hateful!
you don't think the kids would pick up on that now, would you?

Originally posted by tinhattribunal
uhh.. you guys sound kinda hateful!
you don't think the kids would pick up on that now, would you?

I completely agree with what everyone is saying about lazy parents. But I also agree with this person. You should definitely teach your children the benefits of hard work, as well as showing them you care because you're willing to take time out to teach them. But they also learn from you, whether you're teaching them or not. So don't teach them to be hateful on someone, all because they don't agree with their choices.

This is the rant section. By letting out the frustration here....the OP keeps it from bottling up.

Keep ranting, OP.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


I hear you. There are nights where I may "phone it in" and may not have as much dramatic expression in my story telling but you're right, the glibness is what's disturbing.

It's like those parents who give other parents a knowing wink and say something completely disrespectful about their children as if you were just expected to agree. I always get very uncomfortable around those types of parents.

Nice rant OP. It kinda bothers me too that this lady posts this as if it's the most hilarious thing in the world that she completely dropped the ball on her kids at the end of the school year.

My daughter just successfully completed Kindergarten, and I was thrilled that her report card featured the comment: "Reading well above Kindergarten level". I mean, absolutely thrilled. We read every night before bedtime, and at least 2-4 books over the weekends. And, in contrast to the parent in the blog, I only occasionally have to help my child with words. Why? Because we've put in the time together, throughout the year, to work on her learning.

On one hand, I can relate to the mom in the blog. Sometimes the documents coming home ARE overwhelming, and the six million activities scheduled for the next two weeks ARE overwhelming. But you know what, it's my job as her parent to make those things happen.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Sometimes I absolutely DREAD helping with homework (especially the homework that frustrates my child because it's difficult, the ones that end up with her crying and me biting my tongue to keep from screaming, trying to maintain patience), and even the nighttime reading ritual. On the hundredth day of school the kids were supposed to dress up as 100 year olds. Did I come up with the costume two weeks in advance? No way. The night before I was making a run to Wal Mart to pick up some fake pearls and old lady tights and shoes. Thirty minutes after bedtime, I was still doing a trial run on how to make her brown hair look grey. But the point is, it got done. Are we sometimes running around trying to get homework, dinner, and bath so that kiddo can be in bed on time so we can wake up the next day and do it all over again, absolutely!

But, you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world. These are, in my opinion, the most important early years for our children. As parents, we have to step up and trudge through the challenges to do right by our children.

My child's teacher said it well during her initial open house meeting when she said that us parents have to be our child's advocates, we have to help her to help them. I have great admiration for our teachers, because they DO take the time to plan these activities for the children, and their lesson plans for the children. The least we can do as parents is make sure that we do our part. And that means doing their nightly reading even when all we want to do is go to bed ourselves.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


If only she had thought "Children? Or Huff Post blogs... Oh the dilemma!" before having kids..

I get that the article was intended to be humorous, but it's indicative of far too many real life situations today. Too many kids are a burden in their parents lives, or so it seems.

The result? Neglected kids who then continue the cycle.

Have a puppy. You don't have to read to a puppy.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Thanks for all of YOUR hard work smyleegrl. I cannot thank you and others who go into teaching knowing you aren't going to be wealthy ($ wise) enough. Almost everyone I know who teaches does it because they love it and love seeing kids minds develop. The stresses of that job (I have read some of your own rants) are incredible and often times the best people leave the profession due to those stresses. We NEED you!

CJ

Originally posted by MysterX
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

i cannot fathom why people have a family when it's patently obvious a fair percentage of them couldn't care less about their kids and go to great lengths to avoid having anything meaningful to do with them.

Why do they have kids? Here in the good ole USA, they get paid to have kids. It's a way to get free money. It's called the welfare womb. Guy knocks up a woman, she gets pregnant, he moves on to the next score. Kid is born and raised by the aunt or grandmother cause the mother is out running the streets again. Rinse and repeat. And the taxpayer foot's the bill.

Originally posted by sqorpius

Originally posted by MysterX
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

i cannot fathom why people have a family when it's patently obvious a fair percentage of them couldn't care less about their kids and go to great lengths to avoid having anything meaningful to do with them.

Why do they have kids? Here in the good ole USA, they get paid to have kids. It's a way to get free money. It's called the welfare womb. Guy knocks up a woman, she gets pregnant, he moves on to the next score. Kid is born and raised by the aunt or grandmother cause the mother is out running the streets again. Rinse and repeat. And the taxpayer foot's the bill.

That is part of it,but not the majority. There are a great many "parents" out there who don't bother really truly raising their children - they're a burden and a disruption to the life they want to live. As far as the welfare thing - I think it needs to be at least indezed to where you live. Don't give someone living in UP Michigan, or middlei-of-nowhere sawmps of Louisiana the money it takes to survive in NYC or Chicago. I know of people living off of taxpayer money in both of those locales and living pretty well - you can do that when rent is $275/month. Other than as a short-term thing, welfare should be enough to get by, but without being able to afford cable tv, computers and smartphones, dining out, new clothes (vs thrift-store), etc. There is no reason for society to pay for lazies to live comfortably.

I'm willing to cut her some slack and realize that most of what she's written is a bit exaggerated; she's playing it up like she doesn't care and is too exasperated to help her kids intellectual development, but I get the feeling that she's probably a pretty good mom, and actually more involved with her kids than you might think from reading the article. So you've got two kids? Maybe you'll sympathize a bit more when you've got five like she does.

Like I said, I get the feeling she's a pretty good mom, call it a hunch. After all, it takes a pretty strong and awesome person to adopt two children from a race not your own (Her and her husband have adopted two Ethiopian children). I think that's a wonderful and humble service not many would endeavor to undertake, and I applaud her for it. Again, I'd cut her a bit of slack on the judgement side until you actually really know what she's like as a person and, more importantly in this context, as a parent.

Originally posted by ExquisitExamplE
I'm willing to cut her some slack and realize that most of what she's written is a bit exaggerated; she's playing it up like she doesn't care and is too exasperated to help her kids intellectual development, but I get the feeling that she's probably a pretty good mom, and actually more involved with her kids than you might think from reading the article. So you've got two kids? Maybe you'll sympathize a bit more when you've got five like she does.

Like I said, I get the feeling she's a pretty good mom, call it a hunch. After all, it takes a pretty strong and awesome person to adopt two children from a race not your own (Her and her husband have adopted two Ethiopian children). I think that's a wonderful and humble service not many would endeavor to undertake, and I applaud her for it. Again, I'd cut her a bit of slack on the judgement side until you actually really know what she's like as a person and, more importantly in this context, as a parent.

I don't know this woman personally, nor will I ever. I can only go by what she writes for the world to see. If reading for 20 minutes is pure hell for her she should not have adopted the kids in the first place. She tells her children "I'll write in your reading log that you read" because talking is "auditory reading" and they talked that day...I don't know - those are her words. That sets a poor example. Having money and nice things is great but the effort to be a parent goes beyond, "here is your I-pad and Nordtrom clothes, now go play I'm tired." Again, she may be a good person, but she took the time to bitch on a nation news forum about the rigors of being a parent. Who does that and thinks it's so funny while they do it?

She appears to me in the photos you posted to be like many moms I've met at my children's school. Into appearances and self promotion. Adopting a child means you have accepted the responsibilities that come with it.

CJ

reply to post by ColoradoJens


Satirists?

Again, I could see how it could be a problem if that kind of behavior was her regular routine with her kids, but, looking at some of her other writings and projects she's been involved in, that doesn't seem to be the case. That said, I empathize with what you're saying; I myself was extremely blessed to have had a mother who read with me frequently and I understand how critical that is in helping a young mind develop and thrive. Anyway, have a nice Sunday! =D

I also have 2 kids in grade school. One that just graduated kinder. But what I honestly see here is allot of judging and people telling other people how THEY think other people should raise THEIR children.

My wife does this as well. My response would have been the same as one of the other poster's with the "YOU have not walked in their shoes" etc. However I would not have done it to show YOU the other side, but rather to point out how small your point of view is.

As I stated earlier, I have two kids, and I do not let them play the victim. I also help where I can to teach THEM how to resolve their issue. see the way I see it, the kids of these "LAZY" parents will have kids that will probably survive better than the kids who suffer from "HELICOPTER PARENTS". Does hard work pay off? Not always! Does spending all you time with your kids mean they will grow up to make you proud? Nope. See there are no guarantees in life and the sooner people learn to read these stories, form and opinion and LEARN FROM THE FACTS ONLY of the situation than the sooner you will have time to go on and do more important things like write about how someone is lazy......

reply to post by scoobdude

see the way I see it, the kids of these "LAZY" parents will have kids that will probably survive better than the kids who suffer from "HELICOPTER PARENTS". Does hard work pay off? Not always!

Sure. Lie to the teachers about them doing the required homework. Instill in your children the philosophy that hard work does not always pay off. Tell them that reading is the same as verbal communication. Write a blog on Huffpo so your kids can grow up and one day have someone else read it to them detailing how much you as a parent detested reading to them.

How is helping your child learn being a "HELICOPTER PARENT"? Never mind. Someone who equates doing homework with a child as being a helicopter parent doesn't get it.

CJ

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by scoobdude

 

Sure. Lie to the teachers about them doing the required homework. Instill in your children the philosophy that hard work does not always pay off. Tell them that reading is the same as verbal communication. Write a blog on Huffpo so your kids can grow up and one day have someone else read it to them detailing how much you as a parent detested reading to them.

How is helping your child learn being a "HELICOPTER PARENT"? Never mind. Someone who equates doing homework with a child as being a helicopter parent doesn't get it.

CJ

LOL. Ok. First, lets educate you a bit about the education system. Cookie cutter learning models do NOT WORK. Second, lieing about homework ...come on. We all did it and we still all did what was necessary to pass. Well most of us. But you again you are basing this upon your limited view and understanding of the situation as am I. The thing is I was the guy who did not do my homework, slept in class, did not pay attention etc. And my parents...they only showed me where the dictionary was (mother was multilingual and sucessful in business and step-father was an english/ world history teacher). Yet I managed to ace my tests. And the only college I have done has been 6 months. So while you may think I am dumb, niave, and in nonagreeance with your point of view, I can assure you that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. For instance I suck at spelling. Does this mean I am a failure in life? No. Does this mean I suck at communicating? No does this mean i can't get a date/married/have a socail life? No. (married 12 years without the church btw)

Now that being said, lets look at some of the things this lady is teaching her kid. To have a sense of humor. To learn to be independent. To not follow the norm. To have a different viewpoint instead of just the one given to you. basically to think for herself. Can you tell me how those skills are bad skills to have. And can you sit there and tell me that with this lady have 5 kids that her at least communicating and acknowledging her is a bad thing?

Does hardwork pay off? Well not always. You could be the top performer in your group at work and be the least paid. Which has happened to me. There are two saying i would like to repeat for you now though

1) Work smarter not harder
2) If you want something done give it to smart person. If you want it done efficiently give it to a lazy person

In regards to your comment about the kid having resentment....no parents are perfect. Teach your kids to appreciate what they do have not long for what they don't or did not. The inability to let go leads to unhappiness. Not only that, but as a parent are we supposed to not have an opinion on the matters at hand??? I think she just taught her daughter how to vent/ be vocal about a problem. Hmm..another skill not needed in today's society right?

For the helicopter parent....maybe you should take more time in comprehending my statement instead of jumping at the opportunity to attack me. I stated only the black and white of scenario. You failed to see any grey area AND you seemed to have taken it personal. Good luck with that.


All I am really asking is for you to not spread your nanny state BS and try to implicate everyone because they don't confirm to your idea of right and wrong. In the wild morals will get you killed!!!