I'll Never Get Past My Depression, Will I

I think given my family history and just a few life changes and I could quite easily slip into depression but I try my best to avoid the ways one can allow depression to take over their life (at least up to now I have, touch wood!).

You say in the OP you are lying in bed crying. That needs to stop.

The worst thing you can do is lock yourself away or stay in bed.

Get up, get showered and put clean clothes on.

Change your diet and exercise regularly, these really do make a difference.

I'm not a professional on this matter but give it a go and remind yourself how you have it so much better than billions of other people on this planet.

You are a great person, I've read many of your posts, don't give in or let this illness beat you.

Good luck.

reply to post by ThreeBears

Could we Get more Insensitive here,

I think you just did!

No doubt that you gave SG some valuable advice, but did you have to come through here like a tornado destructing everything in your path to do it? Is that really the answer? Tearing everyone down that you thought made an insensitive comment, when every one of them meant well?

We understand that you're angry. You have every right to be. Maybe some classes in how to express that anger more constructively would be helpful. Somehow, I doubt pissing off the whole world is really going to work in helping you to gain control over your own anger and make it better for anyone!

reply to post by smyleegrl


I saw a thread of yours not too long ago and you were poking fun at people who think there is a conspiracy to mis-educate or indoctrinate our children through school... (I know this might not seem relevant but bare with me)

I didn't comment in that thread because I was busy but you completely missed the point with that particular conspiracy. You see we do not think people like you (the average teacher) is responsible (well at least you are not directly responsible or "in on it") but you are made to follow the rules, set by people that are! You even told of a situation like that in the very thread! lol...

Now, I have a theory that deep down, you KNOW this, but you want to make excuses so that you can keep doing your job with a clear conscience, you are effectively burying your head in the sand! This obviously is having a massive effect on you and to try and deal with it you take drugs, given by a doctor, so that appears legit to you. But it is hiding the issue just like any other drug taking would...

I think you need to face the truth! I think you need to quit the job and teach in another capacity! If you want total teaching freedom then why not contact home ed groups and offer your services? If your child is of school age I would say you should take them out and teach them at home.

There is a conspiracy to indoctrinate and dumb down children, you just are not privy to it! Yet you see the effects every day! You see the manipulation every day too! You have been reprimanded for helping out children in a really good possitive way! You need to just admit that you are being used as a pawn! Get out!

Also I would say that exercise is a natural way to release "feel good" chemicals within the body. Do you or have you tried exercise? Just a half hour jog in the morning should do the trick.

Defo get off the meds, you can't fix this with a magic pill!

Oh and as others have mentined look into your diet...

I hope something in here can be of help to you. Good luck and really take some time to think and digest what I have said.

This may sound abit hokey or whatever, I don't know. But i've personally suffered depression and was able to turn it around, I was lucky not to have been on any medication in hindsight (as these things can only supress/numb and delay depression imo).

The thing that helped for me, was to just accept the situation as it was and stop fighting and pushing away these negative feelings. Ofcourse it didnt 'go away' overnight and you shouldnt try to make it go away, that would defeat the purpose.. But after I stopped fighting, my negative feelings lessened overtime and I was actually able to see things from a different perspective, which was very nice! Allowing these things to be however, is probably the hardest thing to do. But perhaps also the only way for you to turn these things around. After all you've tried fighting it all this time and that hasnt really helped has it?

By no means am I saying that this is the only way or whatever.. Iam just saying, try it out and see what happens. But like I said don't expect it to work immediately, you have to be very persistent in looking at how you react to things. Anyway if you think what I just said sounds stupid, then that's fine forget all about it. I hope you're able to turn things around eitherway, good luck!

reply to post by smyleegrl


The answer is more drugs. When it comes to medicine my motto is "have as much as you want, as often as you want. It's medicine. You can never have to much of a good thing." Lemme know when you're cured. No, no need to thank me. Just pay it forward.

reply to post by smyleegrl


It WILL get better! I promise! You may have depression forever, but you Will figure out new ways to deal with it. Mine has peaks and valleys, and for me, sex, drugs and music help keep the valleys from going too low, and raise the peaks to new heights and new extremes. You just gotta find your own hobbies... I have others, but those are just the main 3... Maybe you could take up fishing, or sewing, or chess, or tennis. Start a novel. Who cares if you finish it or not, it could be very therapeutic Or learn an instrument. Man, if I had kids, I'd have a blast teaching them and challenging them, motivating them and smothering them with love and attention and affection... Speaking of affection, maybe you could try to spice up your sex life a bit... After kids, I imagine it can get a little routine... Just surprise him by jumping into role play...he might think you're crazy, but in a good way! I don't expect you to sit here and discuss that stuff with me, I'm just giving suggestions off the top of my head from my own experience. So, there's no need to reply or anything so dont worry I'm not trying to open up a dialog with a married woman about that topic. It's just I know it can be related to depression sometimes, whether a dull sex life is the cause, or a great one is the cure, or even just a temporary cure. Also, maybe consider whether exposure or consumption of certain foods or chemicals might be affecting you in a negative manner. Do you sleep with your cellphone on the night stand by your bed? Exposure to the radiation and electromagnetic field can effect you. I put mine in the drawer of the nightstand on the far side as far away from me as I can. You can try relaxing techniques like yoga, breathing techniques, meditation, chanting mantras, using binaural beats or Solfeggio frequencies...

I hope something helps... You seem like a good person to me. I just have faith that it will get better... If you're new to depression, I can tell you that, from experience, each time it hits you, you will be a little better prepared and equipped to deal with it. Eventually, you'll just be like... well, here it comes again, I know its gonna suck for a while, but I can do this, this and this to alleviate the symptoms, and while I do not know exactly how long it will last, I do know that it will go away eventually...I WILL survive this.

Good luck!

Originally posted by mee32
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

I saw a thread of yours not too long ago and you were poking fun at people who think there is a conspiracy to mis-educate or indoctrinate our children through school... (I know this might not seem relevant but bare with me)

I didn't comment in that thread because I was busy but you completely missed the point with that particular conspiracy. You see we do not think people like you (the average teacher) is responsible (well at least you are not directly responsible or "in on it") but you are made to follow the rules, set by people that are! You even told of a situation like that in the very thread! lol...

Now, I have a theory that deep down, you KNOW this, but you want to make excuses so that you can keep doing your job with a clear conscience, you are effectively burying your head in the sand! This obviously is having a massive effect on you and to try and deal with it you take drugs, given by a doctor, so that appears legit to you. But it is hiding the issue just like any other drug taking would...

I think you need to face the truth! I think you need to quit the job and teach in another capacity! If you want total teaching freedom then why not contact home ed groups and offer your services? If your child is of school age I would say you should take them out and teach them at home.

There is a conspiracy to indoctrinate and dumb down children, you just are not privy to it! Yet you see the effects every day! You see the manipulation every day too! You have been reprimanded for helping out children in a really good possitive way! You need to just admit that you are being used as a pawn! Get out!

Also I would say that exercise is a natural way to release "feel good" chemicals within the body. Do you or have you tried exercise? Just a half hour jog in the morning should do the trick.

Defo get off the meds, you can't fix this with a magic pill!

Oh and as others have mentined look into your diet...

I hope something in here can be of help to you. Good luck and really take some time to think and digest what I have said.

edit on 28-5-2013 by mee32 because: (no reason given)

Are you referring to the thread about the Common Core? If so....that's absurd. Which we've refuted, multiple times, in that thread.

My depression stems from a traumatic rape and low self-esteem issues. I know this. I've been dealing with this long before I started teaching.

Now, this past year was a rough year at school. I'm at loggerheads with my administration for many reasons. This school is a toxic environment. If I cannot transfer, I will quit.

However, my depression does not mean the government is indoctrinating children through the education system. Frankly, that's a rather ridiculous comparison to make.

I thank you for the well wishes.

Originally posted by Cynic
reply to post by havok

 

And I havok, find n necessary to post a reply to you.

Do you suffer from depression?

If so, and you are dealing with it without meds, you are truly lucky, but probably a completely miserable person.
Describing depression by someone who suffers it to someone that doesn't Is like describing color to someone who has been blind since birth,.
To properly treat it, often meds in conjunction with talk therapy work best,

If you don't suffer from depression, please ST*U

edit on 27-5-2013 by Cynic because: (no reason given)

Well, Cynic let me reply to you then! And no I will NOT shut the f*** up. Thankyou.
I never divulged my past nor will I, because the internet is not the answer to lifes problems.
You personally don't know what tortuous hell I've been through, as a man, nor the depths of my own demons. So I'll leave it right there.

I relate to many people's suffering and trama but don't turn to meds.
In my own life they have never been an option nor will they be.
Far too many other problems are caused by meds.

My post wasn't even as tough as I'd wanted it to be because Smylee is a wonderful person.
I'll not hurt her feelings but rather try to create other emotions besides sadness.

My struggles are fought everyday without meds because I know we all suffer.
But I also know what great treasures we have here and what we all should enjoy.
Unlike Smylee, I have no family or wife to treasure...not saying I'm not working on it.
All I have is the world around me, and what separates me from most is my desire to get away from "cures" brought on by a corrupted BigPharma industry that creates drugs for every problem.

Humans have survived millenia dealing with the same issues we deal with today.
We are resilient.

She is a strong woman I know, and she will get through this obstacle.
Smylee please don't take my words the wrong way.
I wish you nothing but the best and understand your troubles.
My advice which I live everyday:
Don't allow your past to define YOU.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I am not a doctor.

But I am depressed.

My advice would be to wean off the meds, if possible. I was on a couple of them in the past, and they didn't help.

I have been taking a daily vitamin, caffeine and nicotine..... I am still depressed, but I have no medication side effects!

reply to post by smyleegrl

Hello Smylee,

I have been a lurker been felt compelled to join and write, if you would like to contact me via private (I don't even know how to do that) I will happily share my experience, strength and hope.

I have walked a road you would not believe and can only share what I did to become happy, joyous and free, please contact me, I want to help.

David Pruitt

Thanks, everyone. There's a lot of love and support in this thread and its greatly appreciated.

Yesterday was a rough day and I'm sorry I subjected ATS to my emotional tirade. I do want to clear a few things up, now that I'm thinking more logically and less emotionally.

Once I found out that Seroquel is actually a psychotropic drug, I told my doc I wanted off. She's been weaning me down from the meds for a few months now and I was about to take the final step down to 50 mg for two weeks when I got sick. I called Friday and explained what was happening with the illness and she said it would be okay if I didn't take anymore of the Seroquel. So my stopping the seroquel was with doctor supervision.

I only take the anxiety medicine when needed because I know how highly addictive it can be. Usually a month's supply will last me half a year. Still, I want to eventually get away from it altogether.

I'm not sure about the antidepressant, because I've been on it for about 15 years now. I plan to get second opinions about what to do with the antidepressant.

Many folks have sent me private messages about diet, allergies, and exercise. I will be making a major change in this area, adding more rigorous exercise and eliminating sugar/caffeine from my diet. This may have to be gradual but it is a goal I've set for myself.

The reason I locked myself in the bathroom to cry is so I wouldn't scare my son. My husband knows about what happened to me and is extremely supportive. I've never hidden that from him. He also knows that when my emotions overwhelm me, I need a good cry. Its a physical release for me, kinda like draining a bad abscess. Afterwards I feel hollow, deflated, and better. My husband understands, but my son wouldn't. That's why I kept it from him. When he's older he can find out mommy's a loony bird.

I've made a very tough decision, but one which has lifted a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I will not be returning to my school this fall. I've put in for a transfer and hopefully I will hear something soon. Or I might teach at a couple of neighboring counties. But my current school environment is so toxic and stressful, I think it aggravated my depression and anxiety. I will not put myself back in that situation.

Thank you to everyone for listening to the incoherent ramblings of a stranger, and responding with such kindness and compassion. It means more than you could ever know.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Thanks for the update!
Glad you are feeling better!

*happy dance*

reply to post by smyleegrl


Get off the pills! And also get off the pills! And one more thing get OFF THE PILLS!

I apologize if I come on strong. I understand from previous posts I have read from you, that you are a mom and have a lot on your plate. Am I wrong? Your avatar suggest that you are strong and have a good will, however you might believe that even the strong never rest. You need to refuel my dear.

You are finishing a degree aren't you? Raising a child? It seems to me like you do have a lot to look forward too, but also are managing many stressful situations at the same time. Stay strong. Don't give in. What has helped me in the past is changing my inner dialogue. Being positive. It sounds corny, but it works.

Depression is a state of mind.

I will give you my recommendations, I am no doctor just a man who has lived something similar to you and can testify that what I am about to say works.

To clear anxiety, fears, depression or any other mental ailments watch the sunrise and/or sunset (it's just soothing trust me). Sleep, sleep and sleep! If you can't then do the following. Make sure to do the following on days where you have little to do and can focus on recovering. Try fasting, please dismantle any previous misconceptions you might have and keep your mind open. You've been popping miracle science pills right? Do you feel better? If not, you can try eating a good breakfast early in the morning (after watch the sunrise) and then don't eat till sunset. Be peaceful and nice to those around as refraining from eating can put you a bit on edge, this is part of the exercise. Sleep, trust me not eating will trigger this and you will doze off into lala land, you will feel great, I know it is counter intuitive, trust that it works. This will give your body parts a break and you will heal. If you can do this for a few days, on days that can be easily managed where you are not swamped with demands. You will feel better. After the sunset, eat good foods, a lot of fruits and veggies, meats, just eat well and balanced don't go on a binge.

These methods are free. They come at a small price of a bit of will power and time management. I can attest that this has worked and is working for me. I do this once a year at least, depression or not. It just works.

Even if you try something else, I hope you will find your way. Keep in touch. Peace!

You are finishing a degree aren't you?

reply to post by bitsforbytes


My degree is temporarily on hold. We need the money to pay for my son's therapy classes, so mom's goal is set aside. Not permanently, I'm still determined to get that doctorate. But right now what's best for our family is to focus on my son and not on me fulfilling a dream. That sounds like I'm being a martyr but thats not how I feel at all.
School will always be there, my son needs us now. So there is our priority.

Plus, a break from the academics won't hurt.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Glad to hear you are prioritizing as you see fit. All in due time my dear. Step by step.

1. Get off the meds
2. Exercise
3. Eat better
4. Get enough sleep
5. Make some new friends

And that should fix that.

Hey
Have you tried _high strength_ fish oils?
Also change your lifestyle - maybe doing your daily routine is making you ill?
Limbo

reply to post by smyleegrl

I've been on antidepressants since college. Been on anti-anxiety meds for three years. Been on Seroquel for almost three years. Guess what. It. Doesn't. Help. All I do is numbly go thru my day.

There's no joy in life. Nothing to look forward too. Nothing I want, except to stop feeling at all. No, I'm not suicidal, although there are days when I do wish all of this was over. I'm tired of it. Tired. Tired. So damn tired.

Allow me to introduce you to the greatest Healer of all time. He has been known as Jesus Christ, and he can heal you of all the things you have described, all you have to do is give it to him and kneel down before him, pray and seek his face.

I've been where you are, came close to eating a bullet because i just wanted the pain to end. There are things doctors cannot do, things that take a higher authority but you can be free. Call on his name! He can give you new life and free you from your chains.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Without talking to you personally I suspect 3 things here:

1. Have a good look at your diet? If not, you should! You should at least try going organic for a while, I bet you will see a big difference, no matter what the problem is!
2. Also sometimes people are in a situation where they are not happy. Sure you can love your husband and kid(s) but you long for something more and feel trapped because you can't walk out. Perhaps one situation led to another and you are caught up. If so, you should find a way to make yourself happy,Separation from anything or person doesn't have to be bad. Everyone deserves to be happy.
3. Trace back to what might have happened to you, only you know what that is and may be something so buried in your mind that you have to dig. It's most likely something you have never told anyone and are hiding to protect yourself. You have to face it, deal with it and accept it - to move forward in life. Otherwise you create baggage that will make depression and anxieties!
*Meds are a temporary fix and over time will make you worse, you are going to have to deal with this head on, make peace with whatever it is, understand it, get it sorted out thoroughly and only then will you be able to move on.
Hope this helped in some way, best wishes to you!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hello Smyleegrl,

I can share my own experience with 'beating' depression, although that's actually not a good term. In my experience, there is a purpose to depression. You get depressed because there is a subconscious conflict going on inside you that isn't being dealt with. The conflict could be between your ego and your deeper self, for example. The conflict becomes overwhelming, and your body/mind goes into a lower energy level state, sort of like hibernating but less extreme. It is basically a survival-mechanism, a natural reaction to the imbalance caused by the conflict, and will likely remain until the conflict is resolved.

So, how do you resolve the conflict? First, you have to recognize it, which means lots of introspection, maybe some meditation. The right music will also help you get to your deeper thoughts and emotions. Depression usually gives you lots of me-time to do just that. You are giving yourself this time (like you did in your bathroom).

When you find out -and you will if you are the persistent type- what the conflict is inside you, your next step is to accept it for what it is and that you are going to have to deal with it. (It may be that you are already aware of the conflict on a semi-conscious level.) It may take a while to fully be able to accept it, but once you get on that track, you will start regaining energy, faith and willpower. You will see light at the end of the tunnel, and from there it's only a matter of time and focus until you are out, and the sun is shining bright again.

In the process, you may need to do a lot of forgiving, mostly yourself, and maybe also others. You'll learn to love yourself again. If you go through this process thoroughly, you will be very proud of yourself, and you will be thankful for it. And as a huge bonus, you will have peace! I mean that in a big way. Many people attain amazing peace through a depression. You will also come out a lot wiser, more compassionate, and a better person in general. You will live on a deeper level. This is your chance to really discover your soul.

I became a very different person after my own depression. But first I had to realize what and who I was at the time. Looking back on it 15 years later, it's hard to remember, or even imagine, what I was like before my depression. Since then, my life has become balanced and whole, and I couldn't be happier.

Don't treat the depression as your enemy, because you can't win. You have to go with it, just like with anything in life. It is what it is. And in the end, 'you' will win.