When neighbors aren't "nice" - need some advice

I have one single lady neighbor we call the Nazi. I even think the owners we bought our house from didn't care for her. When my son was 7 year-old, if his basketball would roll onto her lawn she would yell at him to get off her property. All she did was complain about everyone on our street. We've invited her over for cook-outs, but she would never accept the invitations.

I've been a pretty good neighbor to her since we bought our house. I plowed her sidewalks during the winter, helped her repair her lawn mower, would say hello whenever I would see her. This past year was the last straw.

My daughter just got a new job which came with a company car. She no longer needed her old car so she was waiting to find a buyer. Her car was parked in front of the Nazi's house. Keep in mind, her car was only 6 years old, not a clunker. Instead of her coming over and telling me, can you please have your daughter park her car in front of your house? She decided to put orange road cones in the front and at the back of the car to make her point.

That is when I realized not only was she a Nazi, she's was crazy!

Some people are just miserable with their life.

Been there and what you want is them to just stop and be nice. Based on what me and my family have been through I don't think it will until you do something.
We all 4 have a syndrome that leaves us in pain and tired all the time and now I have adrenal exhaustion becasue of the stress of both my neighbours.

When I moved in I was pregnant with my first child nearly 20 years ago. Both neighbours were nice but kept themselves to themselves. One was an old couple who did babysit my first child but the other one got back my car radio after it had been stolen. So that gives you an idea, that it was peaceful for many years.

The old couple died of old age and the other neighbour ran away from the baliffs.

Now I had a black family (my best friend was black so I am not racist) moved in and it was a constant fight, with me saying can you turn your music down. And him saying I used ot be in a gang and I could do this and that.
I am a feisty woman and although I kept my cool, I made a diary of every incident and even made them a cake when they moved in. We got on at first but they didn't care about the noise. I share a party wall as we all live in terraced houses. I can hear them talking sometimes.

Three things stopped them, a letter of warning from the local council and a visit from the police after she wrecked the porch in front of my house. And one day she was out cold due to her being an alcoholic and she had left her frying pan on. It set her fire alarm off and I got worried, so I sent my hubby ot her door to see if he was alright. She woke up and came to the door and said afterwards we had saved her life.
I still don't like them but it's not as bad as it was.

The other neighbour ,she is a self confessed witch and the son is a drug seller, who is allowed to, by the local police.
Because of them my house was home invaded by four black men with knives and tools, as they wanted the 'weed' and I know they weren't talking about dandelions. (Actually because I have to lip read and he was wearing a scarf over his face, I thought the bloke was saying wee -lol.)

When they moved in many years ago we were having a BBQ and invited the mum and her daughter, that's how nice we were. I have given them stuff as they seemed to be more poor then us. KIds clothes and pet hutches. I have fed her daughter and let her play with my youngest until I found out she was stealing my kids toys.

The first week they moved in the 11 yr old boy threw a metal pipe at my kids which broke my side door window. I went around straight away and tried to get throught to the boy I don't take that kind of c***. He had been bullied and their cat had been tortured in their old flat and that was why they had been moved by the council.

I tried to be nice and compassionate but I would laugh now if something bad happened to them. And i pray it does.
I have a thread on here in Rant where their dog killed my 5 rabbits. They wanted the rabbits to die, as I said no they couldn't have any of my kits-I was keeping all 4 of them and my sister had the other two. They had sent a friend over to open the hutch and let their staff bull terrier to kill them.
The boy dealer said 'We killed your rabbits' and 'I'm glad your rabbits died' to me and my oldest child's faces.

So I got a 6 foot fence put up and this incident cost me over £500.
Even now I feel utter contempt for them, they are useless waste of space and I pray for Gods' judgement on them.

As me and my sister were putting up the fence, they and two of their drug vistors started to harass us and throw wood at us. One piece caught me and caused a wound, so I called the police. And an ambulance was called too.

I called the RSPCA and they lied and the RSPCA believed them, the police have done nothing as he is a protected drug dealer.

So this is what did nothing:
a cake, cards at christmas, presents at christmas, BBQs, being nice, making sure my dog couldn't get into their garden, asking them to turn the noise down. Calling the police on the druggies. Calling the RSPCA.

This is what did work;
Calling the local council noise patrol, calling the police on the noisy neighbours, threatening to kill the sons of bitches and their dogs if they ever came in my garden, while I was in my garden, so they can overhear me. Saving the life of the noisy neighbour. Putting up a 6' fence.

So I am sorry but you have got to get tough and start the bull# back and show them you are not a victim.

And one more thing you have to know this, there are interdimensional entities-demons if you like, that are working to create chaos and hate, and there are parasites that live off people's negative emotions and obviously these neighbours are totally listening to their parasites.
If you belive in God I suggest you start praying, and spray Holy water on all their property and yours and walk around your property binding up the demons and entities and forbid them to come onto your property.

Look at what is controlling the neighbours.

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by abeverage

 

I couldn't pull it off...looking in their eye and handing them my master piece!
I am a true redhead..well auburn green eyed scorpio, the temper would be in my eyes boiling! Plus like I said, I truly am so straight out and honest if they asked me why I baked them a cake ..wow! I would tell them the truth!

I will dig out some art photos sometime, my best are sold with no record never thought to keep them!

edit on 20-5-2013 by Char-Lee because: (no reason given)

Who says you had stand there with your tail between your legs and your head down in defeat?

Contraire!

You look at them with your dagger shooting green eyes, hold out your fabulous masterpiece and you say...

I made this to do something with my furious anger and frustration at you dillholes! Instead of being a right git and just shooting you all in the crotch you dippin flippn flugs! I took all that anger and frustration and channeled it into something. Something wonderful! Do with it as you want. But don't let it be said that I didn't try to make peace...oh hell no not a piece I made the whole CAKE!

Then back up a few steps...turn and walk off slowly ever so slowly, wrenchin and rubbing your hands together! Then with an ever so soft muhuwahahaa start skipping away....


Believe me you will NEVER have a problem with them again!

Ugh. I feel your pain my friend. There are several retirees on my street who are just like this. My grandmother is just like this. It's disgusting. I have to tell my grandmother to mind her own business like 10 times a day. I really think it's why the world is as messed up as it is. The fact that everyone is so concerned about what other people are doing.

Originally posted by Malynn
Ugh. I feel your pain my friend. There are several retirees on my street who are just like this. My grandmother is just like this. It's disgusting. I have to tell my grandmother to mind her own business like 10 times a day. I really think it's why the world is as messed up as it is. The fact that everyone is so concerned about what other people are doing.

HAHA! I am getting there myself I cannot wait! FULL FLEDGED CURMUDGEON with a never ending opinion about "Back in My Day" Ohhhhhh I relish the thoughts of Porch sitting fist shaking gravel voiced cursing the youth!

You will get there too someday that or just sit around drool...personally I am hoping for Curmudgeon!

What comes with getting old is, the world around you gets smaller. Less social activity. Work isn't the same, but for most, their co-workers are making up for most peoples social life. Well spending an average of 8 hours a day, for a long amount of time, it's nothing to feel bad about.

Here comes the first issue. ( I think )

They spend at least some of those 8 hours a day, to make their home and what they can see from out there around them as they like it best.
You moved there, i assume without any communication with your neighbors except for the need to introduce.
If that is what happened, you brought with you, when you moved there, an annoyance, with escalation risk.

1. They spend a lot of time bothering about your mess making their life and territory look tainted or worse...
It is a big problem when people get annoyed, when they have a lot of time and a lack of any other issue
worthy to become an issue that will steal some attention.
Focus will make it huge. They will go in a state of martial law because of it. I think...

2.You have not created the option of communicating with people that might lack the needed social intelligence to make anything the object of conversation, or simply lived alone with their wife for the last decade, which will not result in social behavior needed to live in groups. Maybe they were just offended because you didn't fit their standards... who knows ?

You need to talk and make you part of their lives. That might be enough to change their attitude about you. Let them get to know you a bit and if they're not pshyco they will change, I think.. Sympathy, compassion they might like you after some time, or not.

If that didn't work... Invite them on your property and then shoot them for trespassing.
Always focus on the source. if the bandage isn't working, harder measures are needed.


Last thing ! Important too.

You need to work less. If it isn't possible, try to get as much time for you as you can. Then reward yourself if it works out. Works like a charm to feel better.
Less work and more time you spend doing stuff you like to do. Hobby or friends whatever. To balance the way you live life. We are needy people and we need time to spend on stuff that will drag you out of any stress and misery, work will cause.
Anyway...

The hardest part is learning habits that will benefit you and have a few to fill a workday. One day you will retire, and my guess is that you don't want to become a neighbor from hell.

I hope you find anything that might help in the above.

Sincerely.

reply to post by MrJohnSmith


MrJohnSmith - thanks. I wish I could move. I bought this house at the height of the housing climb, around 2005/2006 and I am now under water (as many folks are). So I'm stuck at the moment. I'd move in a heartbeat if I could get out from under.

reply to post by pheonix358


Pheonix - I know you must be joking here, right? If I had a mean bone, I'd be all over that squirt the lawn killer at night thing - but of course, I could never do that. But it made me chuckle - thanks!

reply to post by grey580


I regret not documenting all these years the verbal attacks that have been pretty strong by the husband. I would caution anyone else who is in a similar boat to document as well.

Today, I double checked with the city about the ordinances - so to be sure I don't have to be zapping dandelions with toxic sprays. I'm good. I read up on disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace language in our city code - and it sounds like they've met the criteria in the past.

reply to post by Ex_CT2


You are right. The man next door is a former cop and while I have respect for police, some cops (or former cops) have control issues. He is also friends with one of the local officers. So, I never really felt comfortable pushing the issues in the past. Bullies abound.

reply to post by Night Star


Hey Night Star, thanks. I have two very tough neighbors, two older couples, one either side of me. The other neighbor lady came over on a fall day the year before last (having never come to my door all the time I'd been here), with the "How are you, haven't seen you in a while?" line. I said that I was having a lot of health issues and tests, and was concerned about the big C based on some things my doctor was telling me (turned out not to be btw). But at the time, I was really worried and not well.

She had come solely to tell me to clean up my leaves as they were blowing in her yard. I was in disbelief! It was as if I hadn't just shared my biggest fear right there about my health, and all she could say over and over is that I needed to get those leaves up. Me, being polite, didn't show my disbelief and rising anger. Until I could take no more and I said, look, leaves in my yard are the least of my worries. When she still didn't stop, I said, "well, maybe I'll die and the next owner will clean the leaves and you'll be happy." She told me I didn't have to get upset. At that point, I stopped talking with that neighbor.

reply to post by chiefsmom


When I first moved it, I did try very hard to get along with them and chat outside with them. I told them I was a vegetarian when they offered me barbecue. I talked about how I didn't want to spray toxins in the yard. In fact, at the time, I had a lovely rabbit (which we found set loose by someone who must not have wanted it anymore), and I would feed him fresh dandelions as a treat.

Last year, I saw him crazily spraying a wide berth into my yard of spray at the property line. I let it go, but wish now I hadn't.

Wow! THANK YOU ATS-ers.

I was up late yesterday posting this thread. I quickly logged in before heading off to work and saw several wonderful and interesting responses. I'm online now and am reading all the advice and humor and support -- and I want to respond to everyone - but it's getting late and I've got to get some sleep.

I'm still on page 3 of the posts!

Given the news tonight about the tornado outbreak in Oklahoma City and the loss of life, it just breaks my heart and, trust me, I know that lawns don't matter. And I know my neighbor "troubles" aren't really important in the scheme of things, especially in light of the fragility of life. But, even so, it feels good to hear from folks who understand that there really are bullies out there in many aspects of our lives (work, school, neighbors, etc.).
And how good they are at trying to make you feel you're wrong, or bad, or lazy or less than. I'm not. I know I'm not. I'm educated, I'm kind, I'm creative, and loving. I care about animals, people, the Earth. I question and don't blindly follow. I was sort of forgetting, and you all are helping me to remember

reply to post by AriesJedi

I still don't like them but it's not as bad as it was.

You still have these people as neighbors? I'd be trying every sneaky trick in my bag to get these folks gone for the things they've done to you...absolutely horrible. You are a saint.

reply to post by Galadriel

You are right. The man next door is a former cop and while I have respect for police, some cops (or former cops) have control issues. He is also friends with one of the local officers. So, I never really felt comfortable pushing the issues in the past. Bullies abound.

That could certainly complicate it. I still think the 1) Kindness 2) Silent treatment/ignore is the best course of action.

Originally posted by occrest
I have no advice to give you concerning your neighbours behaviour that has not already been given or that will keep you out of jail, but as to your dandelion 'problem'---Eat the Weeds has quite a few delicious sounding recipes listed that just may give you some satisfaction/justification for having such a bumper crop.

I second this. Dandelions are medicinal herbs and can be eaten as part of a salad. I would dig some up and put them in pots lining the border between your properties or somewhere where your neighbors can see them.

Otherwise, next time they complain about the weeds, tell them that they can dig them out since you have other things to do.

PS. Good fences make good neighbours.

reply to post by Char-Lee


No. Telling someone to stop talking to you is not the same thing. She clearly didn't get the message... be more direct.