The dawn of salvation is peaking its head.

This is 100% a self-indulgent thread. Just a heads up.

I just got back from my "break." I took a vow to log off ATS, get rid of the Infowars feed on my laptop, and stop all the playing activism, because none of my loved ones want to hear it, and it was only driving me mad and making me angry all the time for no good reason. But, I didn't actually quit playing activist. I just took a vacation, and feel much better now that I have.

My mother and father, who both have anger and pride issues like HELL, have been divorced since I was nine, about ten years ago. And my God, have they hated each other over the past decade. Dad shacked up with an unspeakable monster that became my stepmother, then the hell began. Imagine having a manic depressed bi-polar ex-prostitute beat her kids in front of you, call you names, then suggest there's something wrong with YOU.

Sorry for being graphic. She made my childhood unbearable.

I got in countless physical confrontations with her, and I can honestly say that there is nothing--and I mean NOTHING--no evil, no demons, no sin in the world--that I HATE more than her.

Then, this past winter, something fanominal happened--something wonderful.

They divorced, and she moved out of state.

FINALLY.

Then, something even more impossible happened.

My mother and father got back together shortly after.

This was like a dream. Totally unreal. They moved in together, and a few months went by, everything being fine. And here we are.

Now, mom and dad have been fighting, and dad says he doesn't know if he wants to be with her.

Nevermind that she's the mother of his kids, or that the kids are finally happy.

My little brother and sister are watching mum and dad's relationship spiral up and down, and they have no idea what to expect. And guess what? Dad's been talking to my ex-stepmother.

A woman (sort of) who put TWO false restraining orders on me. She did that to try to have me arrested. OVER NOTHING. I told her I hated her more than anything. I never once threatened her.

She lied to the court. She told them I threatened her. And, knowing I can't pay court costs because I'm out of work at the moment finishing high school, she puts in the restraining order papers that she wants ME to pay for everything. Including her appointed lawyer.

She told my dad, "If you don't want your daughter in jail, you better come back to me."

She fell apart when she found out mum and dad were back together.

And she is. INSANE.

My mamaw had to dip into her savings in order to pay my court costs. I almost DID go to jail.

All this fighting. All the "he said she said" bs has gotta stop.

My mom's falling apart, my dad's being a wuss about everything, my mamaw and papaw are deteriorating slowly, and my grandmother died a few months ago... Things seem to be crumbling all over again. Its just like my ninth birthday. A ten year tradition. Divorce and drama.

But you know what? In a few weeks, I'll have my diploma. My fiance is saving for our car, and we're planning to move to Texas in about a year. I lived in Texas when I was little, and I miss it.

All my friends are here in Tennessee, but I'll cope.

It looks like I'll have to keep my word after all, when I said at age ten, and every age afterwards, that when I can, I'm leaving everything and everyone involved with this family and never looking back.

And here I go.

Freedom's finally almost here.

I'm sick of feeling like a parent to my parents, and watching my little brother and sister hurt.

I'm tired of playing mediator.

Around the time I'm turning 21, I should be in Texas saving up for the pump action 12 gauge I've always wanted, with my dear fiance and whatever friends I might make down there. I can see myself now, sitting on the porch, watching the blazing sun, planning my next trip to the enchilada buffet.

No more drama.

Just one year left.

God help me.

Sorry to whine so much... just needed to vent. You may return to your lives now, ATS.

What do you want that pump action for?

Maybe nothing unusual for the common US-american. But in addition to your history - I found that rather disturbing.

Hello...here is a *hug* because I can totally relate to what you have written.
My husband left me with 3 small children...for another woman...who became my childrens' step-mother. She is a heinous bitch, has caused my (now grown) kids much pain...and turned their father into a spineless wuss who now drowns his misery in drink.
My own parents were toxic, and I had to basically remove them from my life in order to have a life.
My personal mantra, during troubling times, is..."It's just for now...not forever".
Keep making your plans for your own future, and don't give up. You deserve to be happy....not abused.
You cannot fix your parents. They made their own mistakes...it's not your fault, and NO reflection of you whatsoever.
I know you can do it...and I wish you much luck and a happy life!
jacygirl

Sucks for you, and pump action shotgun? psh get a 50 caliber automatic rifle with atleast 3000 ammo

To everyone;

What do you want that pump action for?

Maybe nothing unusual for the common US-american. But in addition to your history - I found that rather disturbing.

Uh... home defense?

Is that okay with you?

Just because I have a jaded family, I'm not trustworthy with a gun? It would be different if you KNEW me, and you had some kind of legit basis for passing judgement on me... but I AM an average American, more or less. And shotguns are my favorite gun, and they're stellar for home defense, so... yeah. I want one.

I'm sorry if that's "disturbing" to you. I'm not planning on hunting anyone down and killing them. But I've been the victim of breaking and entering AND armed robbery, and its not a fun experience. I'd like to be prepared next time.

Hello...here is a *hug* because I can totally relate to what you have written.

Everything you wrote kinda sounds like my mom.

I'm sorry you had to deal with human trash... seriously, I feel your pain. *Hug*

Thanks.

Sucks for you

Thanks a lot

pump action shotgun? psh get a 50 caliber automatic rifle with atleast 3000 ammo

I know more about shotguns than rifles... and I want something that will splatter a person in one shot, so they can't rebound after me if they're lost in an adrenaline rush.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Wuhf... That's way worse than my family, and they're bad enough.

Just wanted to say: Ignore the gun-grabbers. But you've answered for yourself pretty well.

Good luck....

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


If you think that will be the end of drama...I'm sorry to burst your bubble. Cheers for deciding to leave a toxic situation, but don't write off your family. Reduce contact, sure, but you'll regret it later if you completely cut them out.

Best of luck to you in your new life together, but fiance' and you haven't even graduated high school? Sorry to sound all "old man" here, but at the age you are, you're going to be discovering who you are for a few years to come still, as will your fiance'. Hopefully, those new people will be compatible, but it isn't a given. This is why so many young marriages end in divorce. My advice is to STAY fiances' for a while, and really be sure you two are the real deal, before jumping into marriage, kids, etc. (and likely duplicating whatever mistakes led to the situation you just left). There is PLENTY of time for it.

Now is the time to work on saving up, education, etc. Please don't feel you have to jump right into "adult" life and marriage with kids right away. LIVE life some first, and discover who you both are.... Best of luck to you both.

Yeh... I've thought about that.

But being without him didn't set well for either of us.

We've been engaged since we were both fifteen, and we're still both virgins. We're not planning to have kids any time soon. We're certain we're meant for each other. Sorry to sound all young and optimistic, but I'm 100% sure we won't separate. And don't worry, we haven't made any marriage plans yet.

I think I've gone through the "finding yourself" stuff about a decade early. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I know most people won't agree with me here, but no one else is me, so no one else is gonna understand...

I grew up feeding my little brother and sister, and step brother and sister, and cleaning their rooms while my step monster made her way around the neighborhood, sat on her laptop, or slept. And I feel like I've had to play parent to both of MY parents in a few situations, and ALL of my friends. I know I haven't entirely found myself yet, but no one has. I'm just saying I had to be more of an adult as a child, I'm not one of those little idiots who leaps into adult life on impulse.

That's one of the reasons I rant so much on ATS. Its the only place I can spew some frustrations out without hurting someone... I don't financially support anyone (anymore), but I feel like the amount of moral and spiritual support I'm expected to give to those around me is overwhelming, and if I say or do the wrong thing, I damage relationships or send the wrong message. And since a lot of my inner circle are little kids, I don't wanna send the wrong message. So I come to ATS to release steam.

In fact... I still have an underlying problem here, and I can't seem to spawn a solution.

Thanks for the replies guys

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Not to be argumentative but Gazrok is right on with what he is telling you.

I am as crotchety and set-in-my-ways as the next middle-aged old fart, yet I find that with each passing year I am a very different person from the last.

So, while you may think that you have everything all figured out now (a common trait for the youthful - I will avoid the snarky "get going while you still know everything" office jokes) unless you feel that you are done learning and have experienced all life has had to offer (or serve up to) you I'd suggest for your own sanity to keep an open mind.

Originally posted by KyrieEleison
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

Not to be argumentative but Gazrok is right on with what he is telling you.

I am as crotchety and set-in-my-ways as the next middle-aged old fart, yet I find that with each passing year I am a very different person from the last.

So, while you may think that you have everything all figured out now (a common trait for the youthful - I will avoid the snarky "get going while you still know everything" office jokes) unless you feel that you are done learning and have experienced all life has had to offer (or serve up to) you I'd suggest for your own sanity to keep an open mind.

I've heard all that before.

But a lot of people who tell me this are the same people who screw up their own relationships, ruin their own lives through the mistakes they make, and then bitch about being sad and alone. I don't wanna follow in those footsteps.

I'd rather experience everything for myself. And so far, I don't feel as though I'm doing anything wrong.

I've got an open enough mind to consider everything I hear, and it drives me mad and anchors me down with migraines. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't, but like everyone else, I need to find a line between open mindedness and allowing zillions of alternative thoughts overwhelm me and drive me crazy.

I know I don't know everything. I'm not one of those people.

I'm a far-from-perfect kid.

But I'm not gonna let go of everything I believe in and abandon my goals because other people don't believe I can obtain them, just because I am young.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I'm not one of those people of whom you refer. I can't really speak for Gazrok but from the things he's said (not just in this thread) I don't think he is either.

Just keep doing what you're doing and life will take care of the rest.

I'll keep my opinions and advice to myself from here on out, and just nod and give you a chug on the shoulder.

Originally posted by KyrieEleison
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

I'm not one of those people of whom you refer. I can't really speak for Gazrok but from the things he's said I don't think he is either.

Just keep doing what you're doing and life will take care of the rest.

I'll keep my opinions and advice to myself from here on out, and just nod and give you a chug on the shoulder.

Okays, agreed then.