Today, the closest person in my life died...

Sorry for your loss. I hope you can replace that horrible last vision you had of her with images of her during your happy times together.

Sending prayers and love your way...

I recommend that you read a book written by Rebecca Springer called "Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros")

It is one of my favorite books and it will help you stay strong during times of grief.

"Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros" after the Latin for the same phrase and originally published in 1895) is the remarkable account of author Rebecca Springer's experience of being taken to Heaven in her spirit while her body lay dying and unconscious for several weeks. This is an excellent book to give to grieving family members.

The copyright has long since expired and the PDF can be found here and here

During a very severe illness, Rebecca found herself alone with no one at her side and needing comfort turned to Jesus. Jesus was at her side and led her to the "promised land" where she was taken to visit relatives and friends who had passed over.

Her description of several "mansions" that have been prepared for the newly departed is very comforting and one realizes that we are just a "heartbeat" away from the other side.

The "refreshing water" from the lake where one is renewed and refreshed after passing over is very illuminating. Within the Gates.

"Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros" after the Latin for the same phrase and originally published in 1895) is the remarkable account of author Rebecca Springer's experience of being taken to Heaven in her spirit while her body lay dying and unconscious for several weeks.

Springer recounts in vivid detail the things which she saw, heard and tasted in Heaven. She also talks of family and loved ones with whom she was immediately reunited with. She describes meeting Jesus (the Master) for the first time and His incredible love for all of Heaven's inhabitants, as well as His concern for those still on Earth. She describes the heavenly mansions and dwelling places and the way that nothing in Heaven is impure or corrupt. "Not an atom of debris, nor even dust, was visible anywhere," she describes.

She explains how Heaven's inhabitants are frequently engaged in missions or tasks that are an extension of God's callings and gifting in their earth-life. She recounts how artists, musicians, authors and speakers all practice their skills regularly, honing them to perfection with the goal of continuing to use them for God's honor throughout eternity. She even describes her experience of corporate worship at a heavenly temple, and recalling how there were no churches or denominations in Heaven, just one faith for all. Intra Muros

Within Heaven's Gates (radio drama theater version) I know this doesn't include everything in the book for to do that the video would have to be 5 hours long. I just highlighted and picked out some of the best scenes of her vision.

I lost my grandmother (mama) 6 years ago. I was very close to her, and I can relate to how you are feeling. After she died I was lost. I begged her to let me know she was ok. Begged her. Two months after she died, a tiny yellow butterfly landed on my shoulder. Then the same day, about 80 miles away, another tiny yellow butterfly landed on my arm. Why is this significant? Mama loved yellow and she loved butterflies. I know she is ok and I have been at peace since.

I also had a dream a couple years ago that she was running around chasing a child while her two sisters were sitting in chairs. Why is this significant? My mama had a female version of Muscular Dystrophy and was crippled her entire life. The child she was chasing was my cousing Michael, who died at the age of 16 from Muscular Dystrophy and he never "ran" a day in his life.

I know she is happy, and doing well. I hope you get a sign from your grandmother. It will take a while, but, it is worth the wait.

I still miss her every single day, but I am at peace if that makes sense. I know I will see her again.

Hugs to you on this sad day...U2U me if you ever want to talk.

reply to post by onequestion


My heart goes out to you; I know this is a great loss for you and your loved ones. I was raised by my Grandmother too and when she left this world and went to Heaven...she would often come to me in my dreams and still advise me on life. I am one of those people that is spiritual (but not religious) and sometimes I just know things; this is one of those times; your Grandmother did go to Heaven.

She is now in the arms of the Angels....

reply to post by onequestion


I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so very very sorry for your loss.. it's hard, it just is. But remember what you saw was horrifying only because you were looking at the absence of your grandmother - her location has changed. .. we get so attached to our vehicles/bodies ... the precious precious faces, hands, arms, smiles, expressions, etc etc... there is such an absence of that physical presence and it hurts.

I hope you can meet up with her soon in a way you recognize. All I can offer is what worked for me more than once: if you can position yourself firmly in a memory of being with her... one of your fond times... and really remember it slo-o-owly, allowing the pleasant nature of it, the joy.. to seep in... right before sleep is the best. I think it helps to open the doorway because remember she is in joy now. You want to find her, look there.

((hugs))

I'm not going to say the condolences thing, because that doesn't help. When someone close to someone dies I usually tell them (because I've gone though it) something that can't be written here, because the experience is so profound. You've gone through one of the hard ones, and this will shake you up and mess around with your emotions for awhile. So all I can say is go with it, don't make any major decisions (a great teacher discovered that when you're in a situation which puts your body chemistry way below your usual emotional level, never make a major decision because it will always be the wrong one - I know people who got married to very downer persons because they felt similar at a particular time in their life, but they bounced up again while the other person was stuck in that emotional level), and comfort your parent who lost their mother. They are the one who will need you now, it's very bad for them, and you may have to give them some space to react in the next few months.

Anyway, this is ****e*, so there you are within this new experience and you can do nothing but experience it fully. It's the price we pay to grow older. You've stuck around long enough to have this happen, and hopefully you will live a long long life and will have to go through more of these. Just keep going, keep some food in (and make sure your parent keeps eating and drinking water in the days ahead). And if you find yourself laughing over something in the days ahead, don't feel guilty, just go with it. That's one of the things grief will do, it can actually loosen up the muscles and take you on some emotional body trips. Ride it out.

My condolences.

This frail thread we live, interweaving lives together, joining us, binding us, in the end seems to tear us so far apart. These threads connect us all and last forever more.

reply to post by onequestion


I'm glad you have a love connection for someone now that is in the afterlife. They will always be there for you. You are lucky to have them. You now have a spirit guide. Sorry for your loss. Now, it is your gain.

You've been fairly offensive to me. I hope you learn something valuable from this experience. Best wishes.

I have lost many people close to me and know exactly how you feel. I believe that we are far more than just a physical body and that our souls live on after death. My deepest sympathy to you and your family for your loss.

Someone always tells me....

Our skin is just clothes for our souls.....

You had many years, many memories, and many laughs with her. Focus on that instead of the last time. She is at peace, she is no longer suffering.

Its a see ya later, not goodbye...

Best wishes

Blessings and prayers coming your way Onequestion.

Loss is hard. I was wondering if she lived a full and rich life? Many years of joy I hope!

Hang in there sweetie. Cry it all out and try to remember the joy of when she was still here. I believe she is still, and just waiting for you on the other side.

Blessings,
Cirque

Originally posted by Murgatroid
Sending prayers and love your way...

I recommend that you read a book written by Rebecca Springer called "Within the Gates" (formerly titled "Intra Muros")

It is one of my favorite books and it will help you stay strong during times of grief.

Though I frequently (well, almost always, lol) disagree with Murgatroid, this is one point that I will agree with him, always... Intra Muros is a great book. After my wife died, I experienced a series of "visions" (hard to explain, sorry) and, two years later, I found Intra Muros, which verified those visions, almost 100%. I read it on a weekly basis, as it is a great comfort.

reply to post by adjensen


My heart felt condolences to you

I just posted in another thread about a visit to my late grandmother's house.

The love still lives on it's tangible as you walk in.

Rest assured her love for you will be with you forever.

And she is with you always

Cody

Oh my, I'm very much relating to your pain and anguish, onequestion. No words can measure up to the pain, but know that you are not alone in your suffering..

My dad died in August 2010....
I saw him detiorate for years, and was fortunate enough to spend some "alone" time with him as he was ailing. It's a horrible thing to go through.

When we knew it was the end, I saw him as often as I could. I told him, Daddy, please, if I don't see you again before you go somewhere else, please let me know where you are. He said he would.

The day after he died, my mom gave me his watch. I put it on my wrist, and noticed the time on it. That watch had been a significant item of his, and that's a longer story than you need to hear now.... but, I stayed with my mom the night he died, and then finally went home.

I looked at the watch while sitting and grieving...the grief came in waves like tsunamis. My entire body shuddered, uncontrollably, and I was unable to control the weeping in the first few days....but I looked at the not-running watch (no battery), and it had moved several seconds from where it was when Mom gave it to me.

I knew it was a signal from him. Since then, it has moved again (NOT while I was wearing it)...and he has come to me in my dreams several times. He looks young, is invigorated and fine, and we have talks and spend time together. It's wonderful to wake up in the morning and think, "I got to see Daddy last night!"

You can survive this - it is horrifically painful, but it does recede. Remember how much you loved her, and how much she loved you. You WILL see her again.

The last note I wrote to my dad, and was too emotional to read it to him (I asked my mom and brother to read it to him for me) was the words from the song, "Love, Me."

"If you get there before I do,
don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'll be....
but I'm not gonna let you down,
[Daddy] wait and see.....
and between now and then,
til I see you again,
I'll be loving you.
Love, me."

Tears in my eyes now for your loss and your pain. Let it wash over you...don't fight it. It comes and goes. It hurts like hell, but....
it does get easier.

Kindest compassion and sincere love to you, dear. I'm thinking of you, and of your grandmother, and him, now.

You will see her again, and she loves you still.

I feel for you Onequestion,

My sincerest sympathy and thoughts go out to you in this difficult time of personal loss.

If it can be of some kind of consolation and i am sure many others will also convey this, just remember that your Grandmother is now in peace and no longer in suffrance.

Kindest respects

Rodinus

To the OP, I hada similar type of image "etched into mind" of my grandfather inhis last hours. I mean, I can see the look he had, if I allow myself to go to those memories... He died in 2006. I was able to visit him that day. I have dreaems about once every several months, where he is present in form. I do recall after reading in my dream journal that a couple of the dreams where messages of comfort & understanding.
I hope you find comfort in things which remind you not of her passing, but of her, and her relationship with you, and others.
Perhaps you could plant a few handfuls of a flower which reseeds itself in your area. 4 oclocks, cosmos, mexican sunflower are some which may. Although make sure its in an area you'd be o.k. w/it takingover. Time does soothe the sting. Sincerely, Kkrattiger in NM

Sorry for your loss mate, I was also brought up by my grandparents under similar circumstances. There both 89 years old now, Grandpas now bedridden and my Gran suffers from a type of Alzheimer's/Dementia.

My heart goes out to ya!

Remember one thing, you will see her again!

Death is not the end, just part of the infinite circle of existence!

I am so very sorry you had to see her that way, my mamma and i were
very close as well, I have so many wonderful memories from my childhood
with her, i try very hard not to remember the last days she had, i do however
remember coming to her house in the morning and tugging on her
skirt so she would lean down and i could kiss her on the cheek, or the
many many times she chased us around her house with the broom.

Try to remember the good.

It is very difficult to lose someone you love. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoguhts and prayers are with you.