Stop blaming others for your emotions

Why do so many people feel a need to justify other people being irresponsible for their own emotions? The world may be unfair (here is a hint, it is); but, you own your emotions. I am just not impressed by people who blame their emotions on others. Heck, my ex cheated on me and gave me herpes and I forgave her and took responsibility for my emotions. Was I upset at first, yeah. Still, only I live with my feelings and I choose to forgive her and let all that anger go, the only one that benefits is me. Why should I hurt myself for what someone else did that effected me in a negative way?

We choose how to feel about things, that is what we have under our control. Initial reactions are what they are; but, we do have intelligence and can determine what we do with those feelings, our feelings. People can justify their anger to me all day; but, in the end, why do they choose masochism, do they agree with those that hurt them, that they should be hurt? Own your emotions, own you and take responsibility for both. Grow up and be self directed even though you are challenged by life, it isn't going to get easier. A rant.

lol herpes...

i agree with everything you said.
knowing yourself and controlling and identifying your own emotions, and realizing you arent responsible for anyone elses is the key to happy life.

reply to post by okamitengu


Dear okamitengu,

LOL. Herpes aint nothing. Turns out lots of people have it and women did not care that I did. Still, annoying in that I have only been with one woman in my life and we were married. It means nothing to me anymore, it is just what it is. I cannot find any value in agonizing over it, I have already grieved for it and my wife cheating on me. Anger is only the unwillingness to process the truth of how our lives have been less than Club Med perfect. Peace.

Wow. That's a gift that just keeps on giving...

Aside from that, I agree with you. We choose how we let other people treat us, talk to us, use us, etc. Most folks tend to do what they can get away with at times, and like small children they will push it to the exact limit you have imposed on them IMO.

You are the only person who decides how you let any outside influence affect you.

This....................



works both ways in my experience.

reply to post by AQuestion


It is true that when people are not given attention in the world it brings negative emotions, just as when somebody gives you a smile it brings positive emotions. The biggest lie in the world is for people to treat you bad and then say that you caused the negative emotions. Study the chemistry, those people surely do bring about negative vibes thus they are to blame.

Yet self-esteem means that even with negative emotions there are still positive emotions based on knowledge.

So basically the answer is to stay away from everybody who is negative, which I'm sorry to say may be more than 50%.

They will cause negative emotions no matter how stable and secure you are, then they will tell you that they didn't cause they emotions and deny it, causing even more emotions.

It is a lie in the world for others to not be held accountable for causing emotions.

Some people don't even tell others the truth about how they feel, they won't be close to the truth on how others feel.

reply to post by AQuestion

Originally posted by AQuestion
Heck, my ex cheated on me and gave me herpes...

Dayam dude...

Nice rant....you could of left the herpes out of it.

Ahh emotions, those things that you're not allowed to have, especially if you're female.

There is a massive flaw in your argument, and it suggests that you either get over it, or shut up about it.

If you are being made to feel bad by someone, for whatever reason, and you just do nothing about it, you're enabling the abuse.
If you speak up and say "What you're saying/doing hurts me, and I want you to stop it" then you're being emotional about it? But if you don't say anything, then it continues?
So what do you want? Us all to be soulless uncaring shells?

Yeah, you can choose to 'let it go' but it's not always that easy for some.

How about you live your life the way that makes you feel good, and leave others to live their lives without feeling like their being dictated to on how to conduct their emotions.

I read herpes like 3 times, just incase I read it wrong, but I didn't - you did write she gave you herpes. The thread is now goig to only be about Herpes haha.

IMO - your a fool for takign her back. She did the dirty on you, didnt wear protection and then slept with you knowing here fanny is heaving with herpes. Damn dude, thats #ed up.

I'd be pissed the **** off.

Because it makes us feel better and easier to digest negative experiences? Otherwise everyone would be on drugs ro some kind of mind numbing substance like alcohol if we were honest with ourselves 100% of the time and actually took responsibility for causing our emotions.

hi op

No sympathy from me

You should have thought about your own emotions before you got horny.

You by yourself injected her with your proud manhood after what she had done.

I would be worried about how many people you are going to infect..
After all your little man in your trousers makes your decisions.

sorry for being rude
dave

I disagree with the OP.

Emotions are there for a reason. Painting them over with a forced 'forgiveness' will make them fester and reappear as something else.

It is important that you suffer through your emotions, then you have to listen and learn from them to avoid feeling like this in the future. Bad emotions will then disappear all by themselves.

Once you learn that it is OK to hate someone for a while because they made an utter fool out of you, used you or abused you, you will notice that the hatred will go away all by itself after a while.

Go and feel embarrassed, go and feel hatred, go and feel guilty, feel and learn from it. That is what emotions are for.

The thing I've learnt most about our states of mind is that when we feel we're at the top of the mountain and looking down at everyone else, when we feel we've accomplished something great and it's manifest in how we live our lives, when we are certain we've conquered the things we once knew so little about...

if we look up there is still an eternity above us..

And we suddenly realise that everything is a perspective.

Where you are to say we all have control over out emotions, is a good place. But it is not the sole truth. For some people it is not possible to just "feel" happy. It can be as if a torrent of emotions thrusting inside out hearts tearing us up inside, is a driving force to how we react and behave.

And at other times, the serenity is overwhelming.

Where you are, is not necessarily where everyone else is.

Originally posted by SarnholeOntarable
Nice rant....you could of left the herpes out of it.

Wait for it, waiiitt for itt..

"That's what she said!"

*Boom Tish!*

I had to impose that in a rant thread. please forgive me.

Originally posted by ghetarr2007
Because it makes us feel better and easier to digest negative experiences? Otherwise everyone would be on drugs ro some kind of mind numbing substance like alcohol if we were honest with ourselves 100% of the time and actually took responsibility for causing our emotions.

yeah.. no.

The opposite actually.

Only when you are forced to deal with your emotions when sober, do you realise how much control over them you have.

Lol I should know.

yay 6 months on the dot today.

Originally posted by Lulzaroonie
Ahh emotions, those things that you're not allowed to have, especially if you're female.

There is a massive flaw in your argument, and it suggests that you either get over it, or shut up about it.

If you are being made to feel bad by someone, for whatever reason, and you just do nothing about it, you're enabling the abuse.
If you speak up and say "What you're saying/doing hurts me, and I want you to stop it" then you're being emotional about it? But if you don't say anything, then it continues?
So what do you want? Us all to be soulless uncaring shells?

Yeah, you can choose to 'let it go' but it's not always that easy for some.

How about you live your life the way that makes you feel good, and leave others to live their lives without feeling like their being dictated to on how to conduct their emotions.

Dear Lulzaroonie,

You misunderstand me. People can commit wrongs on us and they can and should be held accountable; but, the emotions are from within us. I am not advocating letting people walk over us, I am advocating taking responsibilities for our emotions. If someone pokes me in the eye I can be outraged or not, if a baby pokes me in the eye I will probably not be outraged as I will view it as an accident. Same eye poking but not the same emotions.

reply to post by n00bUK


Dear n00bUK,

We are no longer together. I didn't say we were back together and in the end this post is not about herpes. My point is really about people who choose to live in the past and refuse to move forward because of anger that only they experience. I can be mad and angry at someone for something that happened in the past or I can come to grips with it and learn to deal with it.

reply to post by AQuestion


You people are the biggest haters in the world. Thank you for making me live in a world full of haters.

Listen To How People Feel.

Originally posted by greyer
reply to post by AQuestion

 

You people are the biggest haters in the world. Thank you for making me live in a world full of haters.

Listen To How People Feel.

Dear greyer,

Nothing starts a sentence like "you people". I posted in the Rant section. Yes, I am tired of listening endlessly to whiners who do not ever learn to deal with their past or take responsibility for their emotions. People seem more and more to relish the idea of remaining immature forever and blaming everything on their feelings. Feelings we can channel and control, just because someone is angry does not mean they have to become irrational and irate.

You stated that people are responsible for your emotions, they are not, they are responsible for their actions. If someone hits you for no reason, they are responsible for that action. You might laugh it off or become irate when they hit you, that choice is yours.